"I seem to recall a world where people weren't such a-holes all the time, but maybe I'm just paying more attention" ~ quote by some guy smoking a cigarette outside of a restaurant

I never knew how to
write poetry correctly.
It's not like it comes with an
instruction manual
that reads in italicized letters

"dig so deep into your head that if a brain aneurism were to spontaneously combust, you'd be the first to know about it"

No one told me that my emotions
would corkscrew like falling
meteorites every time I picked
up a pen.

No one told me that the thoughts
would sometimes dry up
and leave me searching like
a dog who buried a bone and
then developed a rare type
of amnesia.

No one told me that sometimes
it would be hard to get the words
onto the page without tears
falling like a liquid avalanche.

There was no instruction manual
or italicized letters. There was only me,
and a lot of lessons to learn.

And there used to be an woman behind my door as I slept
Awoken, uneasy at the edge of my bed as  I wept
For days and weeks my eyes would cry
Tossing and turning
All that lives must surely die

The woman spoke in expressions
Her face contorted and her eyes all black
A way out I suppose, a final escape
Her thoughts are armed words... Prepared for attack

The woman in my dreams is unknown
She visits unexpected
She visits briefly, seeming to have no purpose at all
She hasn't a name
She hasn't a face
A simple woman
A blue coat
A hunched back
Uneasy, yet comforted

I thank this woman
I do not know
I thank this woman

The edge of my bed grows further away
Time may mends the wounds
But you just wish the people could stay

Reaching out towards hands cold as ice
The feet he danced in a month ago
The veins blood flourished weeks ago
The heart that loved days ago
Stiffened bodies shattering hearts
His face now reads calm
Our heads are shaking

wake up
*wake up, god ******, wake up

Would anyone really care,
If I vanished without a trace?
If my screams echoed the hallways,
If briny tears stained my face?

Everyone is bonded so strongly,
How can I join these ties?
Will I always be an outsider,
Seen as nothing more than a fly?

What am I doing wrong?
Can you help me understand?
Do I not deserve your kinships,
What’s wrong with who I am?

*I want for someone to care,
To catch me if I fall.
Because if no one cares about you,
Do you exist at all?