do you have moments, where you can’t imagine a future?
you’re lying there, staring at the
same walls
same ceilings
same words
with nothing but the same feelings-
empty and pale,
like there’s no reason to go on,
when you can’t even do enough to fail.
the future is coming, but you don’t want to be in it,
can’t imagine yourself in it.
where you just want to stop.
everything.
and just sit there for a while.
maybe not death, as that’s too permanent,
but something close to it.
when you can feel the rope around your neck,
the razor on your wrist,
the way the pills taste.
you can imagine it, and you aren’t sure if it’s what you want,
or just the feelings you imagine it will give you

The sun - shy
      The scent - refreshing
            The vision - clear
                  The wind - pure
                        The evening - calm
                              The stars - luminous
                                   The feel - cold

I gather our memories and tie in it bundles
praying that the harvest
will last me through the winter
maybe this season
I won't be starved
of you