4 october 2015*

Inhale.
I hold the smoke in my lungs.
One. Two. Three. Just as you taught me.
To think;
I’ve never even thought about a cigarette
untill I met you.
The januari night is piercing cold,
my hands tremble as I bury my head in them.
The moon turns my pale skin blue.
Exhale.

Listen,
I am not crazy,
though two strangers are not meant
to yearn like we do.
I do.

Listen,
maybe I am crazy,
though I have never been before,
not;
untill I met you.

Inhale.
I know you are drunk right now,
or leaned over a toilet lid
with rolled up money between your fingers.
So I am not in my bed,
but here,
with a cigarette between mine.
Exhale.

They say love is ever lasting.
That it sweeps you off your feet.
That it gives you butterflies
And it makes it hard to sleep.

They say love is a drug.
That it's addicting when it hits.
That it makes it hard to be without.
That you'll never truly quit.

I find that to be quite the opposite;
Except the part about the drug.
I only say this because...
Because i have been in love.

Love is a fairy tale with its ending still intact.
Not the happy every after,
But the part that's after that.

It's the part with all the problems.
With the lying and forgetting.
With the last minute birthday gifts.
With the arguing and yelling.

It's the part with the silent treatment.
And with sleeping separated.
And the texts that went unanswered.
And questioning if the spark has truly faded.

No, love isn't everlasting,
But it's a feeling you remember.
And even if the love dies down,
It never dies out but becomes an ember.

She is the smell of new books.

Shes is hot chocolate, and a blanket, on a snowy day.

She is that first bite of big mac after a night out.

She is red and blue, side by side.

She is 8-bit games.

She is staying awake till 5 in the morning.

She is anaphoric.

She is oblivious.

I'm done giving my heart away
I'm always ready to jump at the first thing they say
I'm lonely and desperate
But would rather be alone
I'm tired of waiting endlessly by the phone
It's time I take my life back
Mend my heart
Pet the cat
It's not so bad being single again
I'm not alone, I have my friends
It's better than being torn apart
Over and over again
My poor broken heart

When I hold your hand in mine
I have the entire world
At my fingertips.

Someone asked me
About how old I am today

He proceeded to tell me
That next year I'll be a year older

I supressed the tears
And gave a pretentious laugh

I couldn't imagine next year
Being alive for another year