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the person who I thought you were
you gave me anything and everything
said you didn't need anything back in return
I trusted you with everything
secrets
telling you anything with a sequence
excusing myself when I shouldn't
you helped me bloom into an average flower
but surely and slowly
I couldn't help but notice you were tearing away
the petals that are a part of me
tearing away the layers of my beauty
my personality

you're now away
and I cant help but feel attached
to your personality that you consumed from me
  Apr 16 Vayla Hemingway
Jaxey
I cuff our wrists together
and tell myself
you're deciding to stay
There are women against feminism
And I really don't get that
Feminism is about equal rights for men and women
And without that
I would spend my life suffering through the remark
"Get back to the kitchen"
Because it wouldn't be my place to deny that
And little girls would grow up
With their purpose in life to be
To look pretty
And have children
Without feminists
I would grow up and never get the chance to vote
Without feminism
It wouldn't matter if I had an education
As long as I looked good enough to get a husband
Isn't there something wrong with that
And feminism is around today
Because some men still look at women as objects
Because women can't dress nice
Without a male seeing it as an invitation
Because women who have *** are *****
But guys who have *** are praised
Because women get paid less than men
Feminism still exists because so does inequality
And men don't think I'm blaming you
I'm blaming the society
That uses a woman's body to sell anything from burgers
To perfumes
I'm blaming the society
That constantly photoshops women
I'm blaming the society
That blames the victim
I'm blaming the society  
That makes women believe feminism is wrong
  Apr 15 Vayla Hemingway
colleen
there’s an
impostor
in the mirror
and she has
my smile.
The spotlight that I stood in
It helped me remember
That people do cherish me
People love me
People appreciate me
People adore me

People may think it's child exploitation
People may think it's child abuse
Just for me
To be the main figure in the shining bright light
Allowing people to watch me sway around the stage
Allowing people to hear my voice
Allowing people to see my creativity
But all it seems to be
Is for me
To get a more attention
To not be ignored
For people to come together to support me
I felt like I was getting lifted
It was dangerous for how high up I was
I felt amazing
My self-esteem was boosting
I felt better about myself
Because all I do
Is doubt myself
To the point where I might commit suicide

I've been isolated
By myself because
I knew that I was horrible
I know I still am
Look how I write
It's terrible
I'm aware
Yet, that small amount of approval is everything
That made me love everything
It brought the fire to my dull flame
Relieving me of my own darkness

I'm glad I had my fifteen seconds of fame
It made me feel better
But now I'm back at square one
I can feel the water spraying my fire down
And I feel kicked off my stage
I feel replaced
I feel like I'm no good
I'm happy I finally got recognized by more than 30 people though 🫶
It's okay
The things I say
Is just me repeating the words
They are saying
While they tell me
It's all their fault
It's all father's fault
It's all brother's fault
The scars on my skin
Reflects their harsh words

I can't
I can't do anything
I can't be sober for more than a week or two
I can't keep myself away from the blade
I can't keep myself from clawing at myself
At my face
With my sharp finger nails
Forcing pain onto myself
Forcing myself to bite my finger
Hoping it would eventually bleed
Make it feel worse than skin upon dried ice
It hurts
Yet it's all their fault.
love being narcissistic when angry. can't take responsibility. (It's been 14 minutes since I've been two weeks sober. Broke the streak again.)
Watch the moon disconnect with Earth
Watch the waves fall back
Watch as the waves seem more aggressive
They're squiggly
They're hurt
Now the ocean is hurting the others
Making the others suffer from its own consequences
Swallow
Drown
Death
After hours of torture
The waves fall back
Revenge has failed apon itself
Toxins is now flooding
Killing

****!  Karma!
ehehehe
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