I'm the girl that will talk that girl out of suicide or self harm,
but has a hard time doing it for herself,
I can assure you how beautiful, perfect, amazing you are,
but doesn't want them to feel the same about her,
the opposite.

Suicide, suicide
Your presence is near
Suicide, suicide
I wish you were here
Suicide, suicide
Take me away
Suicide, suicide
Please make it today
Suicide, suicide
An answer, for me
Suicide, suicide
I need to escape, be free
Suicide, suicide
I’ve had too much
Suicide, suicide
Take me, do your touch
Suicide, suicide
Leave the rest behind
Suicide, suicide
You’re all over my mind
Suicide, suicide
Let me pass in peace
Suicide, suicide
I need to release

I cant..
I cant take this anymore..
I'm done I have no reason to live,
To breathe,
To feel,
I've lost you,
Along with all my hope,
All my faith,
And strength,
So this is the end,
Don't sweat it,
I'm not coming back,
....

Mind telling me,
You're fat,
You're simply  ugly,
You're not enough,
Give up,
Stomach telling me,
Feed me,
It's been days,
Throat telling me,
I'm in pain,
Stop bringing everything back up,
Iron telling me,
I'm very low,
Take care of me,
You're slipping away,
Heart telling me,
She is the one,
Stay for her,
But I've been hurt so much,
Blade telling me,
End it all now,
Doesn't it feel good,
Starving,
Pain,
Broken,
In love,
Confused,
Stay Or go?

"I'm fine"
When people say no you are not,
Then just walk away,
Thank you for letting me know,
I'm even more worthless for not hiding it,
With one of those fake smiles,
But thanks?
I didn't know I was dying inside.

Around 10:28 on January 15, 2015
I got that call,
The call I never had thought,
Committed suicide,
Eight years of age?
You had so much to live for,
Your aunt here to morn over your death,
I have broken in less then 24 hours?
I don't want to be here without you,
Last night it made two of us not sleeping,
I know you didn't leave to hurt me,
But why didn't you just stay,
I need you here,
I love you,
I miss you,
I care for you,
I want you here,
Come back,
Don't leave me in this hell whole alone,
I miss you,
Please watch over me,
Malicah I hope you're okay?

Email32
The pain that I feel so deep inside,
The hurt, the shame, and all the lies.
People that I live with thought they would be the people that I love,
With the hate, the anger, the yelling, the teasing, and the madness.
The more that I cry, the more I think there is no love.
When I go to school they always talk about me,
When I come home that's not where I want to be.
Sometimes I feel I don't want to be in this world,
If someone shot me I wonder how they would feel,
Happy, mad, or pretend that they are sad.
The pain that I feel so deep inside,
The hurt, the shame, and all the lies.
Wondering did you ever care.
Would you ever care.,
When its too late because I'm gone?
And you can't use me any longer?

I feel alone and scared,
My past haunts me every day,
But the music understands me.
I cry when I'm alone,
Because I want to die,
But the music understands me.
I may be smiling on the outside,
But I'm crying on the inside,
And the music understands me.
With all that I have been through,
I'm surprised that I'm still sane,
And the music understands me.
Nothing seems to ease my pain,
So I'm forced to cover it,
But the music understands me.
Sometimes I can't,
And I get overcome,
But the music understands me.
I like the pain that I can control,
And I love the rain,
Because it's good to cry in,
But I never have to cry with music,
Because the music understands me.

Saying goodbye
Was the hardest thing to do
I never thought I would
Especially not to you.

You always listened
And knew what to say
Knew when to give a hug
When I was having a bad day.

No one will ever take your place
I can always promise you this
It's hard to find someone like you
So know you'll always be missed

I think they do it to toy with me,
They haven't said,
Anything about it,
And is all happy,
Its going by well,
Why say anything,
I'll just keep quiet,
Thank god!

I just got a text,
They know,
What will it be like when I get home,
I'm scared,
I don't want to go home,
I might not..
I can't take it,
I don't need it,
Sorry

The days without you are lonely,
The nights without you are cold,
But even though you are gone now
That burning passion will never grow old.
Sometimes I cry myself to sleep at night ,
Just knowing that you are gone, but it makes
Me feel better knowing that you are peacefully at Home.
Your body lays at rest now,
It's Harder than I thought,
Just knowing you are
Gone for good, and thinking it's all my fault.
Time will have to take its course now,
For There's nothing left to do.
Just always remember that I still care and that I will
Forever love you.

This weekend,
weekend of hell,
Overdose was the reward,
I couldn't take the pain,
But I end up still being here,
Last night,
I ****** up,
Like always,
And now i'm zero days clean,
What a surprise?
No,
Because I'm known as a mess up,
I couldn't take the pain..

Silly little girl,
Don't fool yourself,
You've seen your scars,
Just don't want to help,

Little do they know,
How much could change,
With three little words,
*Are you okay?

Tomorrow..
I'm braking all over again,
Crying my eyes out,
Crying to sleep,
Tomorrow,
Not feeling alive,
Because I realize,
Where are you?
Not here living,
With me,
Devin,
Why did you leave,
I can't take this pain,
I'm braking,
Ugh..

To the point,
Where I really hate myself,
And don't even want to look in the mirror,
To the point where I don't give a **** anymore,
To the point where I know I'm worthless.
To the point you can't change my ways in looking at myself.
To the point where I want to tell you, I'll be dying soon.
To the point where I can't wait to get to my grave.

twinkle twinkle little star,
let me get hit by a car,
how i really wish to die,
jump off the roof and try to fly,
twinkle twinkle little knife,
help me end my life.

Do you see how you have helped me,
Once before I can remember running home after school,
Just to see my Blade,
And to see the fresh wounds,
And Red trails everywhere,
Yet today I'm clean,
And I smile,
For you,
I'm going through hell,
Yet I'm here because I can't see myself without you my dear.

As I lay here,
And think about all the times,
I ****** up,
Did you wrong,
Made you cry,
Made you feel worthless,
Failed,
Hurt,
Let down,
Yeah, Im worthless...

You cannot possibly
IMAGINE
exactly
HOW MUCH
I
hate myself

I broke,
I'm now 0 days clean,
Up my thighs..
Why can't I just die..

Ill be back,
In like a hour or two,
I'm going to go for,

a "walk"

I don't want to live anymore.

I felt so happy for a while,
I finally felt okay,
But why did I believe I was getting better,
When I knew that I would sink right back into my usual self,
I am bad again,
I am worse then before,
And any hope that I had left,
Is gone.

I'm not sure if we each have a destiny or  if we are just all floating around accidental like a breeze.

I know this is a place for poems but night is a hard night and I'm trying to fight through it for my love ones, when really I want to walk right over to the corner and end it all. But, so many people tell me I have so much more to live for when others tell me to leave and that I'm worthless. I showed up today at school with fresh cuts and many people stared while others asked why? And as they ask that I ask Why Not? So here is just a little bit of what I'm feeling tonight? But I'll be okay?





“Why?’ She nods. ‘She had everything: a family who loved her, friends, activities. Her mother wants to know why she threw it all away?’ Why you want to know why? Step into a tanning booth and fry yourself for two or three days. After your skin bubbles and falls off, roll in coarse salt, then put on long underwear woven from spun glass and razor wire. Over that goes your regular clothes, as long as they are tight.
Smoke gunpowder and go to school to jump through hoops, sit up and beg, and roll over on command. Listen to the whispers that curl into your head at night, calling you ugly and fat and stupid and ***** and ***** and worst of all ‘A disappointment.’ Puke and starve and cut and drink because you need an anesthetic and it works. For a while. But then the anesthetic turns into poison and by then it’s too late because you are mainlining it now, straight into your soul. It is rotting you and you can’t stop. Look in a mirror and find a ghost. Hear every heartbeat scream that everything single thing is wrong with you. ‘Why?’ is the wrong question. Ask ‘Why not?”

so..
I guess,
I'm about to get jumped,
But i deserve the beatings i get..

So many lies,



                                     The truth?
                                                      
            
                                                                  It don't even matter anymore.

As I lie in my bed,
Your name's running through my head.
All I can think of is you
And all that you do.
The way you look at me.
I feel as if I'm in a dream.
The blue sky
Reminds me of your eyes
Which gives me butterflies.
You have brightened my life
With that beautiful smile.
No longer are my days a trial.
Your touch is like heaven,
Upon my young skin.
If only you knew
That what I say is true
I would do anything just to be with you.
Hand to hand, palm to palm
Just hold me in your arms,
I love you with all my heart
'Till the very day it falls apart.
I may be young,
But my heart is strong.
I know what love is
It's my name and hers.
You make all the problems float away
No matter how was my day.
I love our heart to heart chats
When our beats connect,
And when my head starts to fade back
From when the blue sky
Turns sacred black.

But you gotta get ride of these hoes for me.

But you gotta get ride of these hoes for me.

We cut into our skin,
Because,
We are angry,
We are sad,
We are hurting,
We are trying to hide it,
We are lost,
We are broken,
We cut into our skin because we want to feel the scars we feel on the inside,
We want to have proof that we are still alive,
We cut into our skin because we are lost for words and we were left alone,
We cut into our skin because it's all that is left,
We are done, looking for a better way,
We don't talk about "it",
Because we don't trust anymore,
We cut into our skin because it's all we know.

Roses are Red,
Violets are Blue,
Please Stop Cutting,
Because We Love You!

Painfully aware, of all my peers
The pain, the pressure, creates real fears

Trying to escape so many eyes and ears
Over thinking so much, my mind is seared

Afraid of the judgment, so my voice has no sound
Dodging harsh eyes, so MY eyes find the ground

This lingering emotion, I cannot define
They say mind over matter, but I say matter over mind

I'm running from something, I jump into my dream
In that happy place, I can be exactly what I seem

I finally understand what this emotion must mean
Because I figured out what I'm running from...
I'm Running From Me

What is life?
Where you get judged?
Where if you are skinny you're anorexic,
Where if you're fat, you need to loose it,
Where if you are the perfect size, people hate you for it,
Where if you cut, you're stupid, and need help,
Where if you don't cut, you dont fit in,
Where if you're a ******, you're too good,
Where if you're not a ******, you're a ****,
Where if you wear makeup, you shouldn't hide your beauty,
Where if you don't wear makeup, you are too ugly,
Where if you're friendly, you're fake
Where if you're  quiet, you're rude,
Where if you are being real, people dislike you,
Where people get *****, attention ***** **** it up,
Where people take meds, you're crazy,
Where people bring more people in the world just to get judged again,
So I give up trying to be what society calls "perfect"
I'm me!

When I seen you body for the first time,
I realized how worn and torn you were,
How many battles you lost,
On your wrist,
Your thighs,
How many fires occurred,
On your sides,
Your lovely sides,
And how many times I told you,
I loved you because I do,
Because no matter how many times,
You have lost the battle,
You will always win the war.

The truths now unfold,
The story is now told,
Crying eyes,
Hidden lies,
Just too many goodbyes,

Now it is forever, like before,
But now it's different,
I have closed the door,
Sorry is just a word,
And now all the memories will become blurred..

Why pretend?
Everyone always ask,
Why pretend?
So here is your answer,
Through out my childhood,
I was taught what happens today,
Happens today,
Don't bring it up tomorrow,
Because its a new day,
Don't cry you're too old,
Move on,
I'll take you to therapy,
Then you won't cut,
No.
I'm sorry but no.
Therapy doesn't help,
And neither does you judging me,
You will be okay,
Smile,
It's not hard,
Smile,
Even if you're not happy,
I'll be back in a few weeks,
Okay.
Freaking out as I lock the door home alone,
But,
She is my mother,
The one that birthed me,
I love her,
I'm who I am today,
Because of her,
So that's why I pretend,
Because the world don't care,
And you don't either so,
Stop saying you do.

"I Love Her But I Don't Want To Talk About It"

They say "suicide is not the option"
    
           but...
                                                 *they never give you another one..

Because that's how it all started,
She said I'll only do it once,
Until she feels the stinging,
The burning,
The red trail going all the way down her wrist,
And she does it again, and again,
Deeper, and deeper,
Until her vision is going dark and blurry,
She can't feel anything anymore,
Not even the own stinging,
She cries,
But no one wants to help,
Until it's to late,
With a note left to read,
You all chipped in to **** me,
Each and Everyone of you,
You all have accomplished a ******..