The urge to do nothing is overwhelming,
compelling.

I am motionless
I find myself halted.
Based upon a worry
a waiting
dominated by uncertainty.
​
I cannot go on
I stretch the mind
wander
wonder of antidotes
remedies delicious
in the knowledge
of their reduced life
span.
But not a cure.

Openings brighten despite me,
the ephemera of the street untouched,
lilting on its arbor
in its impetuous parade.

​(I think)
I should not allow myself this dysania
in the spaces between moments,
lapses into stillness unforeseen.

In the warm response of wire
I ask for forgiveness.
Trapped in my own gaze,
it’s all I have.
(the purity of sorrow)
The floor pushes me skyward,

I run my finger’s tip around the edge of the afternoon,
Hope to god it rings out in response.

I never thought that I would see the day.
Just as I got good at fighting.
That I would have to put my hands down.
I would have to sit down.
Because I am now grown up.
But maybe now I am good at a different type of fighting.
One that does not require me to stand.
But tells me to understand.
Because it is that time of fight.
Just because I put my hands down.
Does not mean I don't have to put my foot down.
It is better than putting my foot in my mouth
I don't like the taste of it.

When I’m sober I’m
so good,
so high on myself.
I talk to my friends and
I love that they love me
just the way I am.
But right now I’m drunk
and I’m falling in love
with all my exes,
all the people who are
poisonous.
I need validation
so I text boys who
I know will get off
on my words, on the
pictures I send them.
I have a whole list of their numbers
for nights like these.
I don’t even know
if they’d recognize me
in the morning.
I don’t even recognize myself
as I delete messages,
words, feelings.
No one will ever know
all the things I crave
if they don’t know me
sober.

When life feels suspended by a delicate thread
Change is inevitable
I sometimes feel stifled
Tightly constricted
Like a chrysalis
Struggling against transformation
I oppose the transition
And need more time to adapt
Today
A butterfly tapped against my window
Like change asking to come in
If I can comply with Grace
Maybe I too can transcend
And withstand the butterfly effect

Pain pain pain
I think im goung insane
Its getting hard to maintain
How i feel
If i could take the pill
To go back in time
Id change alot of stuff
Id make my life not so tuff
Some times i cry
An i dont know why
All this pain in my head
Im just glad im not dead
Cuz who would care
For my girl with the grape hair
Shes the one i love
My beautiful white dove
But still i cause her pain
If i could id be there for every tear drop
My love for her will never stop
She is the reason in my lufe that i care
My girl with the grape hair

I’ve never received a flower
Or even a rose
But I’m a guy
So it’s acceptable I suppose
No kisses
Or sweets
No treats
That signifies ones feelings for me
No token of ones love
But I have gotten
Disappointment
Watered with hate
Planted in betrayal
Fertilized with lies
And maintained by fakes
Roses are Red
But my roses are dead
And crumble beneath my feet