At times I find it hard to believe
That other lives
Continue on
I know that they do
But some feel only real as they are in
That moment
Then simple fade away
To nonexistance
Others flutter by with hints to
What and how they live
But still
I'm unsure of their physicality
Other times I am unsure of
My reality
Sometimes  it's like
I am just quietly watching
It go on doing what
I should be
Now I'm just
Watching
Waiting

I'll be there
Out where the dreams come out
I'll be there
Where the mist lies low
And the dew drops hide the moon's glow
I'll be there
Tuck between the places
Where love left deeper wounds
Than fear hardened  faces
Battered by soul suckling sand dunes
I'll be there
Promised everything
But always gained nothing
I'll be where
Fragility is beauty
A place I bet lacks in cruelty
Breathless, I know in despair
A place blind of what is fair
Drenched in the heavy slur
But no more than what it can appear
Past that , you must endure
To the place I explore
I will be there
But if you must ,please ignore
The grandeur

Kp why oh why me
Haven't I had enough ?
Misunderstood in laguage
Stutter much?
Only last year could I look others in the eyes
But not so much with age
Making excuses and lies
It lies on my skin
Like you
Ridged and red it had been
I like my friends I do
But it's not like they'll ever ask again
The wounds too deep
Too visible
Crawling across my skin
Help is often oh so reliable
If only I knew where to begin
Peal it back and the brighter it gets
The harder it is the defend
Against these thoughts it fits
That my insecurities are so ever viable
When they strech across me
Kp why oh why me

Counting stars
And wishing for sheep
Is how I know I exist
So I cry out to the universe
"Please, I must exist"
Pleading, begging
As the flood waters rise
As green as an evergreens
Dancing in the skies
And I know the only answer
I shall ever get
Is the single remark
From the empty, nothingness
And it is all of no consequence

Wanderer
Explorer you are
Over and over
In a desperate search for a sleep forever
Keeping quiet about the
Poison in your veins
And the graceless pain
Clawing up you like
Souls reaching for their heaven
Elegancy has never looked so forced
Cry all that you want
It will do none
Or shall live continue?
Wanderer
Where do you explore
This world or
A place a few stars over

Be careful of the monsters
They definitely want you dead
Be careful of the monsters
They know everything  you've ever said
Be careful of the monsters
They whisper in your head
Be careful of the monsters
They seen where you've tread
Be careful of the monsters
Because when your finally dead
They'll go after your best friend instead
Be careful of the monsters
Please

A little part of me
Is always left behind
As I grow older
The smaller those pieces become
As a child I would hand out
Quarters of my heart
to those who would take it
Only to receive a veiled rejection
But still a sliver would follow
taken by them
Short friendships only resulted
In battered parts
Returned with fractures
Patched together with tape and staples
Smaller and smaller still
Is left untouched
Undamaged
Everything returned
Except slivers and chunks
Torn from me
Only those taken care of
Does the hole go unnoticed
Filled in with a part of you
Never love
Love would mean
the shy little thing
that's left of my heart
to be given in its
Entirety
But stll I'll lend you
A little bit of me
But just for a while

Does anyone else remember,
When they were young,
Closing your eyes so tight
You saw stars
Some speak of lovely words
Others define it as the edge of reality
A whisper of nothingness
And long winded gasp if sanity
I love the happier times

Some of the best words
Will never be said
Stopping just shy of escaping
My lips, sealed by anxiety
A much needed comment
Or a philosophical thought
A dying need to express
Confined in a hesitant glance
Restricted by half smiles and frowns
The pinch between my eyes
Conveys the questioning side
Torn up lips define only
A brave protester self silenced
The dusting of a blush asks
Only what it could be
Shinning eyes glimpse only
Shy of everything that is meaningful
Chipped and uneven nails
Speak to every single secret
And stripped scars
Tell everything and nothing
About that body

Dear My Fellow Poets,
I'm entering a poetry competition soon and would like some advice on what a successful poem would be. I know that poetry is very much a self absorb sport that we, as authors and poets, do not always care what others think. Though a word of encouragement means the world that is, I believe, why some of us are here. We are a small society that is as close as any other. So this is just what it claims to be. Me, asking for advice from those I do not know but from those that are closer to understanding me than some of my closest friends. And because this is my fear of being rejected I will only ask that you consider responding.
With much thanks,
Courtney

What do you suppose is stronger?
Crystal or Glass
One built of melted sand
Or the one of minerals dripped into place
It's more romantic I suppose
Seeing that it's the collection of many things
To create something beautiful
But glass
Is shaped and colored to meet
Any preference
It let's people see clearly
And can be beautiful in its own way
Both can cut though
A two sided blade
Elegant and dangerous
but what do you suppose is stronger?
Crystal or Glass
Which do you think is better?
I suppose I think we all know

The children do cry
When it could be time to die
Begging asking why

A curious confection
Of mystery and death
Of hated perfection
And reasonable breath
Of nightmarish lines and finds
Of aching bones
And too many land mines
A horridous groan
Of every reasonable thought
That is slipped from your grasp
A life that ought to be wrought
And ends with short gasp
Taking care to not ruffle the feathers
Of the divine
Or trouble the lives of your betters
Oh world would you ever be mine
It's hard to define whatever I could say
That are constructed with truths and lies
If only I could live 'till may
But oh how my time flies
A sweet sorrowful fairwell
To my past to ever last
And to the future pray tell
I hope I go fast

Im floating along in that
glass sphere
watching fish
go by
Its beautiful and quiet
A slow moving dream
Come on says the scuba diver
We drift to watch the whale past by
I have to get to the other side
It's just past the lines of slow moving
Creatures
I have to
I move towards an opening
Not fast enough I suppose
It's tale smashes into
The fragile glass
My body goes numb as air
Escapes and water fills
I awake gasping for breathe
I'm still so numb
I'm scared to go back to sleep
will I drown for real?
or is this still a dream?
will the rain flood in and
drag me away?
Its so loud.
Don't sleep
don't sleep
D
     O
          N
               'T
                    S.      L.      E.       E.      P.


Too late.

Face me you coward
Stare your eyes into mine
Face me, face forward
You are wasting my time
Where's your war horse
Oh my handsome prince
Do you not own armor
Or a royal kingdom
I'm sorry about that scar
You suffered saving me
From the perceived evil
I was fine on my own
You killed by best friend
He was a good jailer
And a fine monster
He had a name
So yeah I'm sorry about the scar
I didn't mean to take out an eye
Or part of the ear
Yeah........sorry
I was fine in my tower
I didn't know I was missing anything
My rooms was all I've known
All I've ever known
You took me away from that
Introduced this scary
Big place
So why won't you look at me anymore
I know I don't really know how to talk
Or be around anyone
Or do anything worthwhile
I mean I can dance kind of
And read and write
Oh I can also sing and make cloths
And and I can draw a few things
And and I don't know what you want
Just tell me and I'll learn
You'll see I'm learning how eat
With a fork and a knife and a spoon
And another fork
I'm also learning your language
My teacher says I was your
Royal quest
What's that?
Your sister is teaching
something too
Oh I forget what is called
Something to do with the longer knives
The stories always say the one who rescues
The princess is the prince
And they live happily ever after
I'm not so happy
Why are you sending me away?
I don't like this boat
Or the people on it
So face me you coward
Face me show me your face
Please ........
Oh handsome prince
Are you the real hero?
I want to go back to my tower
With my best friend
Have you seen him?
I can't find him
Where am I
Where's my tower
My window
My books
What are they saying
Who are you?
Can I go home?
Is that a painting, why is it moving?
Please........

I see someone
Eyes closed to reality
But they do peak
With a deep blue shade
I see someone with
A heart that won't stop racing
To catch up
But they are so far behind
I see someone who
Sees more than this
Worlds of life and death
But can only write half of the adventures
I see someone
That is apart of nothing
But everything
I see someone with
Too little time
To be anything good
But they do try
I someone who
Has so much to say
But can't find the courage to speak
Oh dear mirror is that all you see?
I see someone who needs
Yes? Why don't you say it?
Let it speak. I beg you
I am silent, now

Is that what you really look like?
Your defining features
A bit of blush?
Yes, hide yourself behind those
Thick frames.
Why is your hair dark?
You're a blonde aren't you?
Go brush your yellowed teeth
Why do you still have pimples
Shouldn't you have figured that out already?

mirror, mirror
on the wall
**who's the stupidest of them all?

I told myself
Whispered in the dark last night
That I can't do it anymore
It hurts to try
Sometimes I'd rather die
It wasn't like this before
When I still had the might to fight
For myself

I need something to rage with me
Something ugly
In perfect hate
to relieve the stress
to bring me down from that level
From those who brought me there
Those who don't try
Who don't care
I'd rather die
Than admit I'd cry
Far too much
Something I need
so I don't snap
and be another statistic
I just can't take it
give me the screams and yells
of justified violence and
Unplanned lives that
Need a little more
I can't anymore
I just can't

I swear with every letter of every word
I am angry as I've never been
If only I had better instructions
for a bad day
Than its going to be OKAY
Because it's not
Not now
I'm shaking with rage
Please
Get some sense or maybe some knowledge
of the words and ideas
you speak
It means nothing if you don't know
And I know it should get better
And I don't know for certain it will

I've always wondered
Why cats hate water
An instinct maybe?
A fear of what could **** you
Seems reasonable to me
But then should I fear the air I breathe?
Or am I too Terrified to even
Sleep?
Afraid of what lurks in
My head.
Everything I push far away
In that little corner.
Where they plot
And devise
the very best way to
Open up my eyes?
Every fear has a part
in this play.
Even lowly fear of death
Who I am on speaking terms.
Embarrassment likes to be a needed
Secondary character,
who dies in the end.
Fire likes to leave everyone
Burned, but alive with no where to turn.
Loneliness no doubt likes the
Background set up
And me front and center with
Anxiety whispering in my ear
Line after line of stumbling
Nervous lies that everyone
Sees, no doubt
The lights are bright
And the stage seems to be a hundred feet
Off the ground
My knees quiver and my body shakes
As water rises and chokes me
My friends just above the surface
that I scrabble towards.
why is no one
doing anything?
I-i c-can't br-breathe
Help me











No one's coming though
I haven't said all my lines.
Or maybe I wasn't meant to finish
It's funny though,
The one thing that I don't fear
Is Pain
It's funny because my body
Always hurts
I love cats
How they're graceful
How they're always distracted
How they're so loving to their human
And I'd say water as a biggest fear
Then life must be sweet  
Or slow as honey
Perhaps it really is a
Lovely way to go

The rivers full of sharks
The oceans full of poison
Monsters roam the land
And the sky's no place to lay your head

I remember a poem
Of name I can not recall
It's lines that encased my heart
With a new view of the world
That told the story of
One such as me
but unlike as far as the eye can see
Constructed how I do not know
If the hero vanquished his foe
Or her warrior mine live or die
I am gasping from the high
But then it ends
With a sighing cry
Spiraling down into the dark
And has the final line
What's the point?
Love is stupid.
I suppose it's poet finally gave in
Saw the beauty in the world
Understood its greatness
But the darkness is there too
It's a never consuming thing
It will swallow you whole
And never let you go
I remember a poem
Of name I cannot recall
But it changed me
For the better after all

Recently I've discovered that one of my peons was posted on tumblr without my permission. Although they did list my name as the writer I am upset about this and I don't know what to do. It is the first poem I posted, which is called Knighted Fools, and I don't know if they have done this to others. I'm going to list some that I find on this person's blog. Their blog is called  lil-blog-of-poetry
List of poems on there (again I don't know if they have been taken from this website or somewhere else. I also have not been able to reach the writer of this tumblr blog)
Possible Princess by Chelsea
New Year's  (Haiku #7) by Brittle Bird

The way I love the world is a selfish kind of
Metaphor I suppose
I search out all the lies like
Love songs are written by fools
Time is best spent on ourselves
A different side doesn't matter
There are a lot of others detailing the * waste* of human effort
On what?
The silly things
The things and thoughts that matter
I love the world in an unusual way
By noting the cynical views
And where they are wrong
and where they are right
But it turns me darker and darker
Then I crack open a book
And imagine that world
And how there is definitely someone like me there
I love the world in a strange way
I desperately grasp the strings of hate and twist it inside of me
Until I am consumed
Sometimes it feels like an endless black hole
That ****** in the thin film of hope
Never to be seen again
But who knows if black holes even exist?
**Can it all just not exist?

Some believe the world
to have that glow of good
That lasting moment of hope
for the better in life
I'm sorry to say I don't see the good
I'm sorry to say
I don't see the belief in anything
I don't know the reasons that everyone has
I'm sorry to say I don't understand
We will all cry humanity
and stand together
when the world is in pain
but where is our solidarity
if we cannot understand
our differences?
What's the point in trying?
Where's the point in lying to yourself
we will destroy ourselves
and there is nothing we can do to stop it
unless they finally get it together
and understand
but I'm sorry to say that
old thoughts and old ways
distract us from our path
to completion  
Is far from my thoughts
good of the world
and let me think
what if we can change the world?
But I'm sorry to say
I don't think I'll see that
but I'm sorry to say
I don't think I'll live to see that
but I'm sorry to say we need it soon
and I hope for the best for the future
and the past because
Our present is filled with hate
because of misunderstandings and dehumanization
we need a moment of joy
Of change
A place to live
where we don't have to see that everyday I'm sorry to say
I'm too cynical to see that future
I see the bad in everyone
and I don't know why
I'm sorry to say
I'm sorry to say
I'm sorry to say
I don't know what to say anymore

How can you think of them as
Inhuman?
Of having more relation to
Animals?
As being a
Commodity to life?
Less than?
Monsters
have more restraint
Oppress
Control
Rule
******?
Do we not all have
two ears
two eyes
A four chambered heart
That beats fast
With affections?
Do we not all have
One mouth
One brain
In which we take in
The world?
Stitched together with
Every senseless moment
Of hate
Of pain
Of our cruel actions
Is there any good?

Maybe.............

Maybe........ not............

WHY IS LIFE SO SENSELESS?

Where is logical thought?
The rational?
The compassion?
Where are the good people?
What is a life worth?

.............sometimes.............
.........the thought ...............
......comes to me.................
.........why?............................
...­.why does it?...................
..........................................­....

*In the end how much of me remains?

I'm building a monster
Stitched together with every
Perceived slight



If you want to be happy
Don't create the nightmare
From your head

Everyone has high days
And everyone has low days
And sometimes it's been
So long since normalcy
You forget
Its steady pleasure
Of feeling between
Of a perfect balance of joy
And depression
Sometimes the world is
Caving in around you
That you feel as though
You're falling through space
Forgetting the stability
Of solid ground
And tears are as much of a relief
As lines carved in skin
Thats retraced in red of
Varying degree of vibrancy
Sometimes you vent to the
Privacy of a lonely notebook
One that never spills secrets
Or someone on the other end
Of the phone
Telling you everything will be fine
But you don't know if you believe those words
And you're crying out for help
Hoping someone will notice
So you don't have to
Sometimes there's a happy ending
Sometimes there's never a good ending
Sometimes it just continues
On the cycle of never ending repeat
Of highs and lows
And then the time you find a steady stabilizing balance

A beautiful mess
A symphony written in blood
A best seller of mistakes
A melody of melancholy
A master piece made of mud
Coffessions of tragedy
Plays of death
Words that built
An empire
Falls to pieces
A painting of endless faults
A poem book that never sold
A home built on a fault
A life constructed by a liar
A time wasted on the useless
This is the start of something
An empire of words
Useless to anyone else
Now
What's your story?

I don't know why
Maybe so you'd like me
Only one side of me
I fear you getting to know
That side
The one that talks
Of death
Way too often
That is rude
Because that's affection
This is hell
Because you believe me
To be a static character
I feel so two faced
You get confused at
My jokes
Like
every salad is a Caesar salad if you stab it enough
That's funny
you want to know me
From so many miles
Away
Well then
Your questions aren't enough
My humor is sometimes
Dark and *****
My explanation are
Too long winded
I don't believe in your god
My imagination is
Dark and goes too far
So do my ideas
I'm scared
And I like to be alone
When my emotions
Close in
That's only part of me
The one you don't see
Dark and depraved
Are the stories
I write
Following the sometimes
Worst case situations
Maybe you've see
And I'm sorry to say this
But
You're kind of gullible
Like Brutus
The fool
I feel so two faced
What do I do?

I'd give you my heart
If I could
Only remember
The combination
To the locks
And where
It's buried
Maybe I'll find
The map
Or a guide
I'd give you my heart
If I could
Only dream
Up the day
I could
Trust someone
Like you

That feeling of
It would be SO easy
Just a little push
Just one more foot
There's the edge
Thoughts of
How long til I
Reach the ground
How much it would
Hurt
To just fall
I wonder
Sometimes
I really wonder

What the end is going to bring

It's more like having
Too many ideas
Half formed
They sound so brilliant
Until page two
Having ideas for page
Two hundred and eight
Or the best ending
For the story
That has two
Lines down
I can't write anything
If has a title
Write ten minutes
On this
Write that scene
That's in chapter three
I'm writing chapter one
Thirty on going ideas
Most seem to have it
I need to finish one
**please

Cyprian, from Cyprus
Named for the trees of his kingdom
Prince or king
Livia, envy or blue
Beautiful daughter of king Divaro
Ruler of the kingdom
In the four seas
Lucius, the light
He has a way with words
King or prince
Hilaria, cheerful
Accurate for such a child
Who only smiles
But daughter of which king
Nero, strong and aptly named
Impossible strength in a lithe body
Prince or king
And of which kingdom
Aurelia, the golden child
Men have gone insane for her
Of which king
Felix, the lucky
Rumors to carry the
Tears of the water sprite
King or prince or thief
Avita, ancestral
Sister of Cyprian
But who us the king
Cato, how wise
The brother of Hilaria
A prince is revealed
Dulcia, a wonder
Lost in translation
Daughter of which king
Of which kingdom
The diviners of the south
The scholars of the north
The ocean people of the west
The skilled hunters of the east
Or maybe the mountain dwellers

From the shadows you creep
Gliding from the mists
You barely break the silence
The tense builds
Flying low near the
Lightening bugs
Singing their haunting melody
My Dark Horse, My Black Bird
Pick out your betrayers
And the worst traitors
In a breathless abandon
Cast them into the light
My Dark Horse, My Black Bird
Stay in the shadows
Hiding your true purpose
Watch for the coming grey clouds
My Black Bird
Softly through the darkness
Strong when needed
Fast before the end
My Dark Horse
On the edge of twilight
Cast in the rising sun's shadow
revealing scars
Sometimes far too
Deep
My Dark Horse, My Black Bird

The world is flipped
With odd angles
And strange curves
It has a bit too much
Or maybe it's not enough
Words invert
Shapes mutilate
Atoms overreact
Emotions are switched
Truths are lies
Happiness is an emotional overload
Stress builds up
When's the combustion point?
When does it all become
Too much
Or maybe not enough
When do the tears flow up
When do our smiles shatter
Like glass
When does time end
In a distorted reality
When does time flow
Backwards
Or is it sideways
Odd thoughts become more
Abundant
Your view tilted
40° to the left
Body shifted 32°
To the right
When does end
Where is the clarity
Like putting on glasses
For the first time
Everything snaps into
Focus
Is that my reality?

With a smile curving your lips
Like a drawn up scowl
And a bomb strapped to your chest
A gun in your back pocket
A list in your head
Of names
And of faces
You never looked back
Only the good will be spared
All the doors are locked
There's only one way in
Only one way out
It's all a beginning
It's all an ending
Your music blasts
Such the sentiment
Of a world unlike ours
make evil go away
Now or never
Walk away please
A man in a black suit
Stares in the reflection next to you
He whispers the words
Another day
Another day
Walk away
The Devil Takes Care of His Own
.
.
.
.
That school burn. Everyone but five or six got out alive. He takes care of his own and the only ones who will ever know. Are you, me,and him.

Do you remember
The days we spent
Together in September
And all that it meant
and in this solitary moment
Makes me miss you
Makes me forget I'm not broken
I'll take every second or an hour or two
I'm waiting for your call
Just like when we would meet
I'm waiting for your call
It's on replay just like when we would meet
I'm waiting for your call
Butterfly
It's your call
My early summer
Your call

I think the greatest story
I have ever read
was based on the line
that heroes always win
but then it begged the question
what if the hero
had a slightly darker backstory
when he didn't believe
the words that were
supposed to give him confidence
and courage
And hope
and he gave in
to what ended
the Superhero story
before it even began
But despite all the heartbreak
I still love the story
I think it's greatest line was
they did not win
the hero did not get the girl
the hero did not save the day
the villain won
the world was doomed
to a Fate that we know
that was never told
Only envisioned
In our worst nightmare
They Did not win
the greatest story
I've ever read
begin with the line
heroes always win

There's little evidence of this
The time before
When words meant
Nothing more than
Their everyday meaning
When there were no stories
No ill named characters
No half constructed worlds
When the words
A picture paints a thousand words,
Write them
Meant little more than
An impossible task
Now a simple challenge of
Picking the right words
Tear stains on old notebooks
One character unnamed
Pencils with broken lead
Erasers rubbed thin
Doodles instead of lines
Sketches of their faces
Never just right

There's 52 cards in a deck
One hundred and four in two
We play BS and poker
Cribbage and black jack
We play games with no name
There's one we all play
It's the game of life
Taking one day at a time
There's no skipping turns
Some will fold forever
But we all have to keep playing
We will sometimes teach others
A strategy or two
New players are always welcome
Sometimes we bet too much
Often we miss our big break
Because of insecurities and fear
Sometimes I fold the good hand
To help a friend
Not that they will ever know
I don't have many chips left
But that's okay
Because my last wish is
Only that my fellow player keep
Playing
I like playing cards
With my friends
I've gotten good at a game
Called S-heads
I win some and I lose some
But I never give in
Playing cards
How could anyone relate it to life
They are not the same
When I fold for the last time
I'll give you my hand
Of cards
Hidden in my sleeves

On my back in a sea of uncertainty
It rolls lifting me up
And gliding me down
Its wavering surface calms me like
The calm before the storm
Storm clouds wept in the distance
Cool grey clouds seem to surround me
I never know when the sky begins
And the ocean ends
Gentle like a mother holding her first child
For the first time
A slow rocking makes my mind drift
Like it hasn't since I was a child
The water has long since soaked
Me to the bone
Filling me up with nothingness
The wind whispers stories
Like teenage girls trying to keep a secret
The place seems endless
Of sleepless time
And timeless nothing
Drifting in and away from
This world's problems
Like every dark thought sank
And every light one keeps me
Floating
A kind of purgatory
No ...........good
No.............bad
Just you floating there
And that's it
drifting
It's like that moment before sleeping
Seconds between awake and asleep
When everything fades
Like in a fog
I see something
A shape at the edge of the nothing
I feel so unconcerned
As stars fall into the water
They make no sound
There is no ripples
The shadows grow lighter
And I fly higher
The water shapes into bubble like forms
Drifting around me
If only I could just be here forever
Drifting on my back
Nothing holding me down

A thousand versions of the truth
Many days of second guessing
Several hours of questions
That go unanswered
Unending nights
Alone
When words
Really hurt me
When betrayer was trusted
Nightmares infest everything that is
The darkness creeps in to destroy
And taint the life and light death
I can only believe in what I perceive
As my reality
But can I always believe it