i prayed for this
now i don't want it

the highs fly by and my eyes can't catch any moments
i ride on attention and affection

i spend time between the sheets with people i'm dying to meet
and wake in the morning begging for solitarity

i pathologize my feelings
and
i want to be alone but my thoughts are my loudest company

my brain is stuck in cyclical relentlessness
i speak to myself and somebody else answers

you’ve stolen so much of my soul,
i’m still trying to remember who i was

nothing but dead air
for so long
the radio static
hums loud and strong

As my eyes close
Words shine bright
Like beacons in my mind
Signaling the end
Of my dream to sleep
Awakening the nightmare
Of strands of thought
Looping and tangled
Unceasing it seems
Bound to run
In my stillness
Racing toward rest
Chased by wonderings
Relentless in their pursuit

I know I throw words at you
like stones
they reign heavy upon your head
they are formed in my heavily bruised brain
fuelled by my pain
dissolved by your love