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Kelly Jul 26
i'm not certain why i thought i might hear from you on my birthday,

you always had a hard time remembering it anyway
i miss you gently
Kelly Jun 21
i prayed for this
now i don't want it

the highs fly by and my eyes can't catch any moments
i ride on attention and affection

i spend time between the sheets with people i'm dying to meet
and wake in the morning begging for solitarity

i pathologize my feelings
i want to be alone but my thoughts are my loudest company

my brain is stuck in cyclical relentlessness
i speak to myself and somebody else answers
Kelly May 17
i keep my room tidy, so they'll think of me kindly
when they come for my things.
i am held, and i don't feel it
Kelly Apr 28
I am okay
it's just extremely ambiguous
              A word that holds just as many different meanings as there are languages in the world

i've heard almost every tongue i've encountered use it
           it means the same thing to us all
           it means everything all at once

Am I okay?

I still claw through dense sadness
I still dwell on impenetrable pain
                   I still mask wells of fiery anxiety -- ripping the pit of my stomach
                 I question the validity of my own feelings
    I struggle desperately to heal
                                                                       I'm trying, truly
I'll keep trying.

Because I am okay, I really am.

                                               I'm just within several definitions of that dangerously ambiguous word.
everything is relative, but nothing is fixed.
Kelly Apr 26
days pass, and that never changes
until it does
then it's what you always wanted, right?

But by then you won't want it anymore

spend your life waiting passively for a reason
                                to slip away
in a way nobody can blame you for
so your memory brings warmth and love
                rather than selfish cruelty

but when the day of your craving finally comes,
it'll be from a life you no longer want to leave
and that's just the way it has to be
beg for it , until it's there
Kelly Apr 19
they ask me what my pain feels like,
i say not everything feels like something else
ow ow ow ow ow
Kelly Apr 13
I've been silent on paper
I've been loud in my head
the voices that chatter against my skull
              Reverberations of all my shortcomings, failures,
My narratives of unworthiness

                                  I am my own detriment
                                           my own destruction

I cling to pain and welcome heartache like an old friend

                                     I was born with a broken heart
fragile and shattered
                                  carefully pieces together
                                 bursting at the seams

crushed by the hands i chose to hold it.
i break my heart to make it bigger, why not crack my skull when my mind swells
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