Let's be careful.
Not to wade in our emotions
Not to swim through the past.
Let's be careful.
To **** the memories of moments
That don't need to last.

Let's be careful
To lean into what is brand new.
To focus on our hearing.
To protect our new found view.

Let's be careful.
Love has to be cultivated.
Let's be careful
To love what we once hated.

There's a thirst deep within
A hunger unsatisfied
My chest beating wildly
My eyes shining brightly

I'll never know if its filled
I'll never know if its met
But the idea that it will
Is the grandest idea I have had yet.

how hard can it be to love someone filled with a chronic emptiness in the place of emotions
and eye lids that stay open long after the lights have dimmed because they are
swimming in intrusive waters belonging to a diseased mind
always wondering when you will leave
so they push you away even when their heart demands that you stay
demands that they will pay for
over and over and over
in the form of playing the villian in the relationship
by unintentionally tearing the two of you apart
until the only thing left to do is leave
the one thing that people in their life excel at

how hard can it be to maintain a friendship with someone who wants to abandon you
before you abandon them
playing tug of war with the thought of just never speaking to you again
even though you are one of their favorite people
trying to make the inevitable "easier"
because nothing lasts forever in their world
not even when they want it to
"best friends forever" is hard to cling on to
when they are convinced that the person smiling in their face
is also plunging knives into their back at every turn

how hard can it be to be the person dishing out all of these punishments
knowing that she is only punishing herself
punishing anyone who tries to get close to her in the twisted belief that she is saving them
from her gravitational personality
and her stellar smile
that can only end in disaster
because there is no beauty at the center of a black hole
only the absence of being

j.e.m (1/14/2016)

R. Remedy my heart make it beat again.

A. A painful reminder of a past I wish I could forget.

I. Insecure thoughts taking me back to that place I know so well, I fell so safe hiding in my soundproof shell.                                      

N. Never again shall I fall for your sin your sugar coated lies your honey dipped temptation, you caged me in once but never again. I'll make my own sunshine, I'll start new again.