You feel so ignorant
When you share and express
Everything that haunts you
And what makes you a mess.

Yet nobody listens
Nobody seems to care
Unwilling to lend help
Or even say a prayer.

But once it's their turn
To cry on your shoulder
Your existence is essential
Forcing you to grow colder.

Don't take time for yourself
Accusations you've gone ghost
Even if being alone is
What you really need most.

You've always had a way
of disappearing.
How dare me
for interfering.

I thought I was your
only sunshine.
A lie you've taught me
with time.

Is it really so difficult
to believe.
Shunning the one you
did conceive.

Afraid now to just
let go.
Did you know you've made
me hollow.

Maybe some day you'll
come around.
In these lies I'll
surely drown.

Slowly I feel the tension creep,
Up my back to the base of my skull.
Beneath the weight of my sins,
I begin to slowly crumble.

The knot forms with a grip so strong,
My head no longer wants to turn.
Memories keep flashing so fierce,
Along my spine it starts to burn.

Pulling tight the tension increases,
A pain unbearable above my right eye.
Like the ghost that tortures me within,
Something that doesn't go away with a high.

Vision obscured by shapes and colors,
Eyes glued open with so much fear.
For if I shut them I'm petrified,
Details of your face may reappear.

How exhausting this battle has become,
When all I do is keep losing.
As I lie down and wait for it to pass,
I feel myself reducing.

Shield your eyes, don't look my way.
Keep your words hushed, pretend it's okay.
Speak about, who you think I am.
The life I live, and the world I'm in.
Once my back's turned, point and talk.
You think you know me, and how I walk.
Place your labels, upon my scars.
Act like you know, what the reasons are.
Use choice words, and shift the blame.
And then shelter yourself, from feelings of shame.
Live your life, with me as your joke.
Never regret, the words you spoke.
The day will come, and this too shall pass.
Just like your ignorance, and being an ***.
But it seems, the days pass too slow.
And the nights come, with little hours to go.
The nightmare begins, as the sun rises.
A never ending hell, full of surprises.
I only wish, the end was near.
Hello happiness, and goodbye fear.
But the lesson in life, is that it goes on.
Filled with pain, just like our favorite song.
So we keep moving on, through mountains of snow.
With so much before us, and little hours to go.

Can the hell around me
     get any worse?
Is the pain I feel
     merely a curse?
Do I scream inside
     only to wake up dead?
Is this reality
     or all in my head?
Are these emotions
     and feelings real?
Does anybody know
     the way I feel?
Do they see what lies
     just beyond my smile?
Is help coming or
     will I lay here a while?
Is there life
     after my death?
Will someone be there
     should I hold my breath?
Is there really
     a pearly white gate?
If I reach it
     does my aunt await?
If hell awaits me
     will I see my mom?
Should I give up now
     or keep moving on?
Is this deep enough
     would you like to know more?
See deep inside me
     where my heart is a sore.
Experience my pain
     and the hell I've gone through.
The way I lie to everyone
     including me and you.
Understand yet
     why I am a fraud?
Will there be salvation
     and forgiveness from God?
Realize how this isn't
     about suicide?
Only about pain
     and how I feel inside.
So next time you see me
     will you see my smile?
Or see beyond it
     where I walk this lonely mile?

You were someone,
I thought I could count on.
Someone to comfort,
And ease the pain.
Now you're gone and,
I'm sick with anger.
Thinking this whole time,
I've been insane.

You were someone,
I thought I could count on.
Someone to distract,
And heal the hurt.
Now you're gone and,
I feel like giving up.
My soul ****** dry,
Like a wasted desert.

You were someone,
I thought I could count on.
Someone to protect,
And shield my heart.
Now you're gone and,
My cries for help fall silent.
Believing in God,
Is such a delicate art.