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Izzy Jan 17
I don't know that

but I know for once that

I am proud,
Not glad, neither sad
Not uplifted, yet not drowned

I'm just proud,
of where I was and where it brought me,
of every defeat that comes across
of every each win however it is small

of who I am and who I am becoming

I realise now,
though I am not always fun, neither smart
Not always calm, yet not mad
that all of my past cannot define me

I am right here
Simply,
Right now

And all that I wish
is to remain

proud.
I guess that is my first one truly positive :) I hope to keep that strike
Izzy Jul 2020
The constant dizziness were my new friend on the way up there,
I had to make a pause every each few steps.
I had to keep my hand on the wall to keep the balance, to not fall down and to be able to keep up.

Too weak,
Too fragile
and
Too hungry,
to go up
When I look back I am sad and terrified that such situations made me feel proud. It was just like walking on the edge.
Izzy Jul 2020
But that's okay,
less of body
makes me safe,
less of fat,
makes me proud,
cause you all want to look alike,
cause you all would want to be that tough
to get used to being hungry all the time,
to all day long and all night long
feel exceptional,
in control,
and if the hunger is the price,
that's okay,

I can starve.
After year of struggling with eating disorders I finally got the guts to write down my feelings. I am no longer starving. I am doing better but in the back of my head I had the need to write down my sick feelings and confront them to find out that they are no longer the truth for me. Feeling relived and a little bit closer to being free again.
Izzy Jun 2019
We met in Hell,

We kissed on Earth,

We imagined love in our minds,

After all,
We are buried underground.
Izzy Feb 2019
While smoking I think,
how many blows will be needed to take my breath away
for once and for all

When smoke covers me up
I look around and try to disappear in it
for once and for all

I tap it and look at how it falls down
hitting the ground just as my life is doing right now

I step at it and tread into the pavement
I am putting it out
Just as my life has already done
Izzy Feb 2019
unexpectedlyinsanlypainfully
Izzy Jul 2018
1
On one, two, three
Try to count your tears
Try to focus for once
Try to forget about us
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