“You look like my daughter”
The man says to me,
As he’s ordering me a drink
Looking my body up and down.

I laugh,
Look away,
Try to pretend he didn’t say that

Oh but don’t worry
He made it a point
to mention
T H R E E
              M O R E
                           T I M E S
how my body
Resembled his daughters,
“Tight, perfect, the right kind”

Oof.
Idk y’all
Idk that I can do this.
I walk away
I dont make that money.
Even though I know **** well,
I fit his ****** up fantasies.

Not to mention I’m triggered,
Thanks to my childhood trauma,
By all of this conversation,
But it doesn’t really matter
Anyways.
Just a product of my environment
Just an object to fill
The desires
Of hungry eyes.

**** it
Let me be
An empty *** doll.
Just take my intelligence with you please.
Flowers for Algernon ,
And I’m wilting.
I’m too aware of my place in society.

Why strive to peruse my education,
When I know no one will hire me
Because of my background?
Why stay sober,
When my ******* flashbacks
Only stop when I’m drunk?

I hate my life.
No I don’t like the job I have;
But this **** ain’t easy.

And none of it is my fault.
It isn’t.
None of my trauma is my fault.

At least At the end of the day
I have the comfort
Of knowing,
That I matter just as little as the next person.
My life,
In all of its glory,
matters just as little as john f Kennedy’s
I am nothing
And we are nothing

Our suffering is eternal

you ever feel so alone
that you are beside yourself
and its the only place you want to be
because you are the only person you can trust.

believe it or not,
if that is that case you have more than so many

in his hands,
wet and pliable. He rolls me
out on his table, softly
caressing me. And I stick to

his fingers as a wet glove
covered in snow. I don’t want
to let go. I’m melting to his touch. All
my bits of hardness are broken

off and blended as a watercolor
in the rain. I rise as I dry
as the sun over the ocean in crimson
with streaks of gold. All this he rolled

with sweetness and years, with smiles
and with tears. I smell the waft
slip under his door as cinnamon and
clover, swirled into a sky of blue.

I just wanted to make you smile
Your eyes were sad
And your heart had a void
I wanted to fill you up
And give you the warmth
That I was searching for
But I ended up making you bleed
And I'm sorry
I just wanted to love you

When Innocence has a baby,
born in Spring,
they name her
"Loveliness"
"Pure"
"Precious"
"Her"

10 months and I still cry
10 months and one would think I have moved on
10 months and still not close to enough

I lie in bed
Ready to scream
My eyes filled with tears

And I ask myself why
Why I‘m not good enough
Why she is
Why I still cry
And why you not

And I wonder how I ended up here