my hair is falling out more--
i don't quite understand why.
could it be the food I've been eating--
or lack thereof.
am i pulling too ******* my ponytails--
or yanking too tightly while twisting my braids.
can it be the stress of my final days of school--
or all the assignments still marked in red.
possibly the ache in my heart for him--
or the rage simmering in my chest.
maybe it's simply symptoms of ***--
or just my mind pressing buttons at random.
would it be because of my anxiety flowing over--
or the jitters from my morning cup of coffee.
funny if I've been tearing at my scalp in my sleep--
or clawing the demons from my dreams.

erasing you hasn't been simple
i never will completely
deleting pictures and messages
sorting it all out so neatly

you know i love the rain
listening to it pour
i wish you the very best
but i won't be here anymore

i know you're hurting too
we're stuck feeling so blue
i know you're hurting too
it's what's best for me and you

it's painful for us both
don't let me keep coming back
how can you still love me
there's so much that we lack

you loved when i sang
i'm stuck now singing about you
i hate that it's come to this
it's true

i know you're hurting too
it's hard to go through
i know you're hurting too
it's what's best for me and you

my father says i tell him bedtime stories,
which technically is true.
tucked under blankets with his ancient lamp,
emitting soft light around the room.

perched on my mother's half,
slivers of a hobby within my brain,
transferring thoughts into words.
with heavy eyes, he listens.

discussing contents of products,
the beauty industry, and my favorite podcast.
telling of fashion designers, cosmetic chemists,
iconic red soles, and what he calls "face goo."

turning the analysis within my mind into words;
rambling, letting tension in my brain drain.
we balance each other out;
puts him to sleep, gives me an outlet.

i tell my father bedtime stories,
all fresh to him, while i've been obsessed.
my wildest dreams I long to be a part of,
while he drifts into his.

I want to see the ocean.
So terribly,
like a long-lost lover, who I'm destined to be with.

I long for the sea.
So undeniably,
like it's the air I desperately need to breathe.

I yearn for it with my body and soul.
So doubtlessly,
like Juliet's desire for her dear Romeo.

I crave every last drop.
So hungrily,
like I'll never get enough.