I am trying
I know it seems repetitive
I know I'm repulsing
I'm the definition of insanity
Because i keep acting out the same things.
I know I want you next to me
Its just harder than it seems
Especially lately
You need someone in bed with you
You havent been sleeping good
I walked in with you by her
And your soars were like uproars
I know you arent cheating
Not even mentally
I just cant help but feel that lately
I dont want me
So since you sleep by someone else just fine
Ill lay in bed all night with tears in my eyes
I want you to love me
And i know you do
Its just hard to see you want me
When I'm so sick of everything I do

The font in the back.
The low lights around.
and the all too familiar sound
of the voice of my lover.

a scratched up ring
empty pockets
dainty memories
and a future to be

I asked in the middle of Chili's  
i asked will you marry me
you were afraid id draw attention
you thought it was a joke

you realized a joke would have been a different tone
you wouldn't let my hand go
you said yes

I don't regret her
As much as people may push i cannot forget her
She is the one my heart aches for
I feel so sore without her body interlaced in mine
Tell me how again
How is she bad for me?
When i was with her and she was with me nothing could compete

I am a mess
Although I stayed fully dressed
I never said no
Her arms around me
Just holding my waist while i sleep
But i still feel so guilty
She wants us to be
But she knows that with someone else I feel complete
She knows that I hold in all my love for another around her to keep from hurt feelings
She knows that one day ill be taken again and it won't be by her
She knows I don't love her the way she loves me
But every time I go over
I let her hold me.

There is a story to tell.
I met a person.
There is much to tell.
Choked up emotions.

The person listens.
Reads my stories too.
Not only the intro,
but the whole thing through.

Tells me I am great,
when I know the truth.
This has to be fate.
Because it soothes.

Positive and,
Appreciates.
Hard work, effort.
Invigorates.

The person fills,
me with words.
When I am lost,
and I am slurred.

Hair so curly,
Maybe straight.
Not sure, did
not speculate.

Eyes brown,
maybe blue.
Come to think of it,
it is you.

i’m typing this
as i’m waiting for you to get back
from the bathroom.
in the starbucks
cozy acoustic music is playing
and your mocha frappucino
half empty
is on the table in front of me.
your lips have touched the lid
and i don’t want to be
that person
but i wonder.
i wonder how it feels
does it know that it’s lucky.
can it tell me its secrets
how does it do that?
get you to open up
and let inside the warmth?
i’m not jealous.
just curious.

you should be back any second now.
you might walk out
back to our cliche little table
and ask me
what i’m doing
what i’m typing so furiously
what i’m so passionate about.
i will want to say you.
i love you
right here right now right time right place
i won’t though

maybe i’ll say
“i forgot to finish this paper
that’s due at 11:59 tonight”
or maybe i’ll say
“i just got an urgent email
about my political science class tomorrow”
or maybe i’ll say
“an old elementary school friend
just sent me a Facebook message
and i need to reply”

or.
or maybe i’ll say
“nothing.
nothing more important than our coffee.”
maybe i’ll just close my laptop
mid-sentence
because it’s true.

nothing is more importa