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Nov 2020 · 243
The Days Pass
Kayla Williams Nov 2020
It’s been 625 days since I first knew love
When I handed you a note and you said yes
I still remember your arms around me
As some movie we weren’t watching played
I still remember your smile as we kissed
My lips on yours to shut you up for the first time

It’s been 510 days since I last knew love
When you broke me and deftly left
I still remember the tears on my cheeks
As my friends held me through band practice
I still remember sleeping in your hoodie
My last way to keep you with me

It’s been 336 days since I thought I knew love
When you came back to me so suddenly
I still remember you leaning against me
As you ignored your favorite sport to tickle me
I still remember you keeping me close
Forcing me on elevators and new paths between class

It’s been 237 days since I found love again
When I ended the worst day in the best way
I still remember Parks and Rec lighting the room
As we paid all our attention to one another
I still remember the look in your eyes
As you kissed my scars and pulled me closer

It’s been 221 days since I lost love again
When I needed you and you said no
I still remember crying on the couch
As you left me on open for the millionth time
I still remember the knife in my shaking hand
As you broke your promise again

It’s been 28 days since I let love go
When I gave you up for the final time
I gave up remembering the sparkle in your eyes
Glimmering every single time you smiled
I gave up remembering the calls we shared
When I was drunk on sleep and you were high on life

I let love go

But it’s been 2 hours and 18 minutes since I last saw you
When you walked past and waved at my friends
I remember wishing it was me you’d say hi to
As you headed to your homeroom for the morning
I remember asking my friends what happened after
Because I closed my eyes the second I saw you

It’s been 625 days since I first felt hope
It’s been 336 days since I found happiness again
It’s been 237 days since I felt my heart opening again
But it’s been 510 since I first lost you
But it’s been 221 days since I lost you again
But it’s been 28 days since I last felt happy
Feb 2019 · 306
Hopelessly in Love
Kayla Williams Feb 2019
Before I met you, I felt that I couldn't love anyone,
that nobody would be able to fill the void in my heart,
but all that changed when I met you.
Then I came to realize you were always on my mind.
You're funny and sweet.
You make me laugh and smile.
You take away my anger and sadness.
You make me weak when I talk to you.
Then I started to write poems about you.
Now I have come to realize that I am hopelessly in love with you
- Kayla Lynn
Jan 2019 · 327
His "I Love You"
Kayla Williams Jan 2019
His "I love you" came swiftly
Like the monsoon pouring down on a leaky roof
Those three words broke through my defenses.
At first they were an ambrosia;
They sustained my life and our relationship
At least for a short time.

Then "I love you" became an excuse;
For absence, and purpose-filled accidents.
And I ignored the warning signs, the flashing lights.
I pretended like "I love you " was enough...

...But it wasn't.
His "I love you's" were like band-aids on bullet wounds;
Like using play dough to fix cracks in concrete walls.
But I rationed our good memories,
I held on as tight as I could to our love
And watched as it slipped through my fingers.

His "I love you's" became poison
That speed deep into my bones
And turned blue skies grey,
And turned light into darkness,
And slowly killed whatever semblance of love
I fooled myself into thinking we had left
- Kayla Lynn
Sep 2018 · 433
Death of a Romance
Kayla Williams Sep 2018
I see the horizon,
Once fiery and passionate orange,
Decay into cold blue and numb black
Hark the days of old times
Past, the energy that precedes
The inevitable twilight.
It was your movements and your touch.
The hugs where you gripped my shoulders.
The times when I was drunk and played with your fingers.
And to have heard you say "I love you",
To me;
That'd make my head fuzzy,
Ears buzzy.
Vision goes askew.
It would answer questions,
Ask some more.
And leave me lost with lost intentions.
Because I don't know how I feel.
You don't either
Us, stuck in a maze
Of endless questions and fears and worries and
Excitement. Sending us into a craze.
But I'm left with one feeling,
That it's upsetting,
One sun setting,
And me praying for a sunrise.
- Kayla Lynn
Apr 2018 · 732
Success
Apr 2018 · 397
What I Crave
Kayla Williams Apr 2018
What I crave is hard to describe
It is hard to say what I feel inside
Seeking adventure, seeking a change
Being comfortable feels so strange

Needing a rush, chasing a thrill
There must be a void I'm trying to fill
Whether living abroad or living at home
In the end I feel alone

No matter the obstacle, I will thrive
Out of all options... I choose to survive
But will I find it? I may never know
Until the end, I'll see it so
- Kayla Lynn
Apr 2018 · 1.8k
When You Feel Like Quitting
Kayla Williams Apr 2018
When you feel like quitting,
When life becomes hard to live,
Remember this simple poem
And give all you’ve got to give.

Greatness doesn’t come easy,
And neither does being strong
But you’ve got to LIVE your life
Rather than just get on.

When you feel like quitting,
And your worries got you stuck
Remember why you started
And know you won’t give up

Pick your *** off the couch
And follow these three steps
Look ahead, focus the mind, don’t slouch.

When you feel like quitting,
Remember, life’s too short
To spend it worrying, about
Problems of any sort

Your life is yours and yours alone
So make it the best you can
Live every day as if it’s your last
Don’t always follow the plan.

When you feel like quitting,
When all you want is rest,
Remember this simple quote,
Do good, want better, be best.
- Kayla Lynn
Apr 2018 · 146
Fucked Up
Kayla Williams Apr 2018
My mouth says ******* to the loved ones
so that my whole self feels secure
I know I'm the ****** up one
for that true love is still obscure
- Kayla Lynn
Apr 2018 · 151
The Ocean
Kayla Williams Apr 2018
“Are you okay?”
“I’m fine, just tired.”
I. Am. Drowning.
Drowning in guilt,
Drowning in regret,
Drowning in The Ocean.
The Ocean of Emptiness.
“I’m fine.”
Two little words that
Mean so much.
“Are you okay?”
“Yeah, just stressed.”
Stressed, alone, afraid.
Sick and tired
Of all the lies.
Lies to myself,
to friends, my parents.
“Are you okay?”
No answer.
Closer to the truth,
The truth of
Silver-sharp blades
Tucked in a drawer.
Blades that tear;
Tears mixed with blood.
“Are you okay?”
“No.”
“I’m sorry.”
- Kayla Lynn
Apr 2018 · 146
Being Hope
Kayla Williams Apr 2018
Hope
Follows you into the dark
Saves your life
No recognition
Just energy
Hope
Better than faith?
Being hope is scary
Draining
Selfless
Hope
That friend needed
Not wanted
Only for purpose
Not for love
Hope
In success?
No, before
Destined?
No, doomed
Hope
Felt
Devoured
Pressured
Hope
- Kayla Lynn
Apr 2018 · 136
Who I Am
Kayla Williams Apr 2018
A Dreamer.
A Mind.
An Enigma.
An Idiot.
How do you know who I am when I do not?
You call me names
You tell me tales
You.
Choose.
Who.
I.
Am.
My future.
My life.
But is it really mine?
- Kayla Lynn
Apr 2018 · 229
One Minute Mind
Kayla Williams Apr 2018
Eyes open
Okay
We got this
Why?
i hate it
Hmmmm
Cig?
Naw
You're going to die soon
No I'll live forever
And I hate it like myself
You're OK
Nice person
Basic face
Scars
Sporty
But broken
Carving
She fly
Smoke
Later
So empty
Her
I like her
No point won't happen
She'll hurt you
*******
Might as well quit
It hurts
Why?
Man up
Tough
I'ma good person
With bad thoughts
Scared
I'm worthless
Pointless
NO
Be fine
Allowed to feel
Don't feel allowed
I'm me
Am I?
Not the same
Hot
Cool leg
Tomorrow ready?
Her
Not her
Ride
Clothes
Cig?
Soon
I wish I
Never mind.
- Kayla Lynn
Apr 2018 · 173
A Thousand Silences
Kayla Williams Apr 2018
I feel like my days are a constant picking petals off of a flower
he loves me, he loves me not
the waiting is unreal. I’m not even sure what I’m waiting for anymore.
is it worth saving? I’m not sure what “it” is either.
A few days ago my heart was ecstatic, about to burst through my chest.
But now it is just a heart.
And my hands are just my hands, missing the tingling feeling they received with every one of your touches.
And my lips are just my lips, aching for yours to press against them one last time.
And my body is just my body, no longer feeling the warmth of yours holding me.
And I am just me. No longer feeling belonged to anyone.
The days go by and it is just silence between us.
And I realize now, that I will be just fine.
For I am worth more than a thousand silences.
- Kayla Lynn
Apr 2018 · 109
Pick Your Poison
Kayla Williams Apr 2018
I could feel its weight
The mass it carried through my fingers
The silk lacing between
The power behind it
The surge
The force
I knew its danger
I knew its power
I knew the risk of falling in
I knew it
But it was life-sustaining
It pumped through my heart
Caught fire in my heart
Caught fire in my veins
Wrapped its fingers around my throat
Held my soul in its bare hand
Dangled my thread
In front of my glossed eyes
Held the scissor limply in its grasp
A crooked smirk aboard a deadpan face
So I bit that ******* apple
And I heard the click
- Kayla Lynn
Apr 2018 · 145
Waterways
Kayla Williams Apr 2018
I’d follow all of these rivers for you
Though wither’d and weather’d, I stand
Through torrents and gale-force, through glacier snow
Edging my way to dry land
Like I the sail-boat, all tatter’d and torn
The oncoming current is she
I stand at the bow, a worrisome brow
As silent I’m swept out to sea.
- Kayla Lynn
Apr 2018 · 155
I Could Have
Kayla Williams Apr 2018
I could have been a million things
I could have died a thousand times
I could have walked along that road
I could have stopped
I could have tried again, and again
I could have broken loose
I could have looked for another way
I could have
I didn’t
****
- Kayla Lynn
Apr 2018 · 122
Start Again
Kayla Williams Apr 2018
If I start again, what happens if I get sick?
Will I lose everything again?
How can I prevent that?
Why rebuild in a flood zone?
That’s what it feels like.
I actually feel like
the flood waters haven’t even receded.
- Kayla Lynn
Apr 2018 · 118
This Feeling
Kayla Williams Apr 2018
I want to remember
This feeling
I feel like
I am drinking from a well
After years
Of dehydration
- Kayla Lynn
Apr 2018 · 244
Kaaarmmma
Kayla Williams Apr 2018
You prepared me for fire
Slowly warming my days
Now you burn for another
I watch and twist in the blaze
- Kayla Lynn
Apr 2018 · 167
Stars
Kayla Williams Apr 2018
I sat
and I waited
While writing through tears
I realized
that I never needed you
You were just a stage in my life
Destined to happen
Destined to come
To destroy
You were a hurricane
I soon thought I knew
why hurricanes were named after people
But
I shouldn’t have let you hurt me
I should’ve stayed strong
For I am a star
and you are darkness
That matters because
while no one acknowledges it
we all know
that stars can’t shine without darkness
And the darker the darkness is
The brighter that little star will shine
- Kayla Lynn
Apr 2018 · 169
Me or She?
Kayla Williams Apr 2018
I loved a man long time ago
I loved him
No matter how far we are though
He loved me back
That's what I thought
I was ready to give him everything
And for his sake.. the world I faught

Six months together
I felt Like I'm gonna stay
With him forever
I loved his care
I felt him like my brother
I loved his tenderness
I felt him like a perfect lover

He was my everything
The only bright flame in my life
But now I need to know
What had changed him to a sharp knife
that cuts my heart so cruel
I really feel like i was a little fool

I really can not bare
To live without his sweetness is really unfair
How could he do that?
How could he dare?
I still love him.. yes I swear

I can not believe what he says
I just want him to stay
Just one day
I'm so lonely now
I feel so low
I really need to know
what had changed you?

I really don't know what to do?
When I see our big love is dying
Except looking at the photographs of you
To stop myself from crying

Soon you forget
The first day we met
I know she takes my place yet

But I know she don't know
How to make you happy like I do
She doesn't understand you like I do

Maybe you are close to her by your body
But your heart & mind are close to me

Please.. tell me
Now you are free
To choose me or she?!

I wish I could fly
To be with you now
And look into your eyes
And ask you
Why shouldn't we give it another try?
- Kayla Lynn
Kayla Williams Apr 2018
I won't say that I love you
because I've said it too much
I won't say that I melt with your touch

I won't tell you that I miss you
I won't tell you that I'm true
because all that you already knew

I won't tell you that I'm yours
And that to you I belong
because I feel that you are bored from this long song

I won't tell you that I love you in despair
because I feel that you really don't care
And that you now have her

Each day I promise and bet
That about you I must forget
And when we met
All the promises were broken
And about that I always regret

And again I tell you that I love you
Again I say that I miss you
Again I tell you that I'm yours
And to you I belong
Though I'm sure that this is wrong

But I can't stop loving you
I can't stop my feelings
I just want to stay one day with you
Not to talk... but only to hear

To hear from you that you love me
And to feel that you're clear
To feel you near
To hear that you will take away my fear
Will this day ever come?!
- Kayla Lynn
Apr 2018 · 695
Life
Kayla Williams Apr 2018
Life is so strange
Nothing stays the same
Everything changes
But who's to blame

Life is like a game
Where you have to lose
Before you can gain
To win you have to face the fearful rain

In Life.. They always say
Don't use your heart
Only use your brain

In life there is love
But the more is hate
No one can decide
They all hesitate
And who knows the fate

The closest people you need go away
When you need them the most
You find them lost

Day after day
Days go by
People are born.. and others die

Year after year
No one understands
Nothing is clear
Nothing in our hearts except fear

Today you walk & talk
Tomorrow you lay in your grave
And nothing it gave
The money that you save
And no use of your gold
When it won't be sold

You have to be strong
Stop doing the wrong
And never lie
Be ready for your last goodbye
- Kayla Lynn
Apr 2018 · 168
If Only You Can See
Kayla Williams Apr 2018
If only you could see my eyes now
you would read all the untold words
If only you could see through them
you would understand that for me you are the world

If only you could see the smile on my face
when I receive your email, text, or phone call
you would know that you have captured all of me

If only you could see what happens to me the moment we meet
If only you could feel how fast my heart beats
you would know that you are the only one who makes me feel complete
- Kayla Lynn
Kayla Williams Apr 2018
I want you to love me
Just one more day
And let me feel those nice
feelings once again
Let me forget that you have already gone away
cause that will make me go insane

Let me love you one more day
To give you more love
that may make you stay

Come back to my life once again; appear
Stay in my heart; come near
Remove the fear

Let us fall in love once more
And from this dream don't make me wake
Don't say goodbye
Don't close the door
For heaven's sake

You were the sweetest dream
I knew
Dreams are always better than real
Dreams always bring sun beams
Real puts you in prisons of steel
- Kayla Lynn
Apr 2018 · 208
Days teach Me
Kayla Williams Apr 2018
Days teach me
To always dream
However it may never come true
But that's the best way
To live through life

Days teach me
To dream so high
Never give up and always try
Never let go or say goodbye

Days teach me
That when there is darkness
For sure dawn is the next
And when everything is too tiring
For sure there would be time to rest

Days teach me
To always care for a friend
Always be true and never pretend
Always love with no end
And the broken hearts try to mend

Days teach me
Never to feel the hate
Always be confident and never hesitate
Always believe in fate

Days teach me
That lovers meet and stay together
And others part
So if you are one who has been left behind
Don't cry and suffer
Just search for a new start

Days teach me
The past I must forget
And nothing needs my regret

Days teach me
To open my heart and forgive
Cause that will help me survive and live

Days teach me
To always offer my helping hand
And never doubt in people when there is no proof
And always try to understand

Days teach me
Not to be shy
If I have done something wrong
But to admit it and be proud that I have learned
A lesson that will help me be strong in life
- Kayla Lynn
Apr 2018 · 209
All I Need
Kayla Williams Apr 2018
I'm not asking you to meet everyday
I could try and bare
When you are away
All I need is just some care

All I need is not to feel so much alone
All I need is a tender heart not hard as stone
All I need is to hear your voice on the phone

All I need is to know that you're fine
All I need is to know that you're mine
All I need is to know that I'm in your heart
Even if we are going to stay for so long apart

I'm not asking you to count every drop of water in the rain!
All I need is to stop making me feel this pain
I'm not asking you to count every particle of sand on the shore!
All I need is to know that you Love me from your very inner core
All I need is to know that I'm the only one that you adore

I'm not asking you to make the birds swim and make the fish fly!
All I need is not to hear the word 'good bye'
I'm not asking you to climb across a mountain so high!
Nor am I asking you to swim across the deepest sea!
All I need is for you to show me that you love me

I'm not asking you to walk a thousand miles!
All I need is a simple smile
I'm not asking you to make the trees blue!
All I need is to know that you're true

I'm not asking you for a diamond ring!
All I need is a much humble thing
All I need is your attention
All I need is affection

I'm not asking you for a castle of gold!
I'm not asking you for more than you can afford!
All I need is to not feel ignored
All I need is to feel you are not bored
All I need is a kind word

I'm not asking you to make the year 14 months!
Nor am I asking you to make the week 8 days!
I'm not asking you to make the sun rise from the West!
All I need it to sleep on your chest
To hear your heart beat
All I need is to feel complete
- Kayla Lynn
Apr 2018 · 118
Why?
Kayla Williams Apr 2018
Why do we love?
If life will make us part...
Why do our feelings grow?
If days will change them all
Why does our heart beat with warm passion?
If distance between us blows it off
Why do you tell me you love me so much?
When you can't care for me enough
Why do I respond to your touch?
When I can't erase from my heart this fear
Why cant I stop these painful tears?
Why can't I be cruel to you when you're so near...
Why do you promise?
When you can;t make dreams come true
Why do I still smile to you?
Even with the endless pain I go through
I wonder why...
Why it all had to die...
- Kayla Lynn
Apr 2018 · 222
I Thought You Knew
Kayla Williams Apr 2018
I thought you knew I liked you.
I thought you knew I cared.
I thought you knew I had to talk
of all those silly things we shared.
I thought you knew how important you were . . .
how important you were to my heart.
I thought you knew of the things I did . . .
those things I did from the start.
I thought you knew you're the only one
who looks into my eyes.
I thought you knew you're the one
I turn to every time I cry.
I thought you knew, every time you made me mad,
you're always the one who turns around and made
me laugh.
I thought you knew, without a doubt,
our love would be true . . .
In some way, or another,
Somehow...
I thought you knew . . .
- Kayla Lynn
Apr 2018 · 192
You Make Me
Kayla Williams Apr 2018
You make me laugh when I want to cry,
Make me live when I want to die,
Make me smile when I want to frown,
You turn my life upside down.
Believe in me when no one else does,
You're my now, my is, my was.
When you call my name I begin to blush,
I'm afraid people notice I need you so much.
It's like the present is the past.
I need you more than you can believe,
Love you more than you can conceive.
Think about you every night and day
And hope my life can stay this way
I don't want it to be any other way.
- Kayla Lynn
Apr 2018 · 153
I love You
Kayla Williams Apr 2018
If I did anything right in my life
It was when I gave my hart to you
- Kayla Lynn
This is for the love of my life.
Apr 2018 · 347
Love&Love
Kayla Williams Apr 2018
Have you ever felt love?
For it is above
But also below
For it will sweep you off your feet
And devour you in its sorrow
It is not something you can borrow
Once taken never given back
Have you ever felt love?
For it is above
But not below
I have felt love
It destroyed my life
Losing love feels like a knife
Through the heart
- Kayla Lynn
Apr 2018 · 140
The One
Kayla Williams Apr 2018
She was there
I could feel her touch in the air
It was almost like a nightmare
So beware
She will steal your heart
And she will rip you apart
But little does she know
As she stands aglow
So beware
For she will rip you apart
- Kayla Lynn
Apr 2018 · 127
The Accident
Kayla Williams Apr 2018
Sad Despair
Dry Dusty Gloomy
Stove Pail Kerosene Fire
Kerosene Left Out Causes Fire
Don’t Use If You're Not Sure
-Kayla Lynn

— The End —