I am spatial, /
I understand, /
I fathom, /
Through distance, space, & time, /
I see clearly, pristinely through you & I. /

'Do not forsake me, /
I am everywhere,' /
He says to me, /
And I unfalteringly, /
Unwaveringly, I believe /

In Him, are treasures: /
The opulence, /
The affluence, the direction, /
Of one-million /
Guiding stars. /

You are a sign, /
A beacon of hope to the lightbearers; furthermore, /
A portent, /
Ominous, pernicious, /
To the Cimmerian shadow. /

I know you /
You, /
I love /
You, /
For that I am grateful. /

What is love? /
An existential vagary? /
Perhaps not. /
It is real, it is tangible, /
When He is in my arms. /

Mi amour, /
Mi amour, /
Mi amour, /
Mi amour, /
Me encanta, mi amour. /

One day I will transit beyond
My strives and thrives to drop.
Then, you will tell tales of my kindness
Or tales of my weakness
Lo, I won't hear none!

With time, I will be a memory
Once in a while you will remember my stories
My smiles or nags will flash in your mind
You may regret for not being there
You may even doubt my being holy.

Well, one day I will be gone
My body in the ground alone
And spirit in another world.
No more me to hate or love
Time to count your gain or loss.

One day I will be dust
Left alone with no more lust
My sins and truths before Him
That moment to harvest my truths and faults
The one that outweighs one determines my cross.

Indeed, one day you will wake up in the cold
You will meet my body with no soul
What will be the reason for your cry?
Or will you celebrate it with a smile?
Surely, one day will define our vain lives.

It only lasts for a limited period of time, coincidence this just describes my happiness or the beings in this life. It's crazy how nothing never lasts, I've forgotten the sound of my laughter. I fall for a temporary high, my temporary escape; what I think I need to get by . I want anything but temporary, I crave for something that will be permanent. My soul acquiesce to anything temporal, but I now renounce all that. I just despise how confidence seems to vanish right at the time you need it the most, I mean there will be days where my dear friend confidence will be there but what's the use of her when she'll just disappear the moment a remark would be made about me. Whenever that angry voice in these four walls in my mind would tell me "you're ugly" "you're too skinny or too fat". I tried to recover, I tried my best to get better but somewhere along the way I realised it was all temporary. I fell apart again, I lost again and they'd laugh at me! Crying myself to sleep seems like the best option but I go with the unhealthy coping mechanism; slitting my wrists. The pain seems acceptable for awhile but what happens when you got so used to the blade that you can't even cope without it. I thought it was temporal, I thought I'd manage without it but I'd tell myself "one cut upon that wrist means a step closer to goodbye".

after painfully separating
the colors in intricate patterns
she allows herself the full glimpse
of her daily labors. and without
hesitation brushes the dry earth,
along with her work.

her long fingers unfurling,
the long and brittle parts
breaking into sand.

7 November 2018

Humble king’s castle
Heart of the just dominion
Gone with the high tide

Almost died but this time I didn’t

the pain of an artistic with an academic life
being bound by wonton grasping
don’t even seem to  know who or what I’m asking
Got so lost again when a guide mentioned in passing

Theres a fork in the road up ahead
no choice is still a choice maybe end up dead
Always walk the darkest path until
i remembered the angel and made up my choice
pull myself up like I hoist
out the words when I’m verging on verbing in Voice.

Seen demons, I hear hell, Headache of pride make ya head swell
been sick as hell/ oh well
stuck at the bottom molding
unseen granting boons
in the moon-lit wishing well

But I ought to see my life as odyssey
like I oughtt to be the hero
more playful like the spirit
otter i otter be

Im stuck in feedback loop self
but the emerging, unfolding, ever so bold in its calling

states plainly that it is time to fall down shaking
cascading blood caking memory set
wrong or at least oblong in it’s making

moments
seem to make me lose my voice
so how can I preach

if I m not acting
how can I teach

If my arms ain’t out
mama how can I reach?

Wishing the earth calls me

yelling come back my child
Rest in my arms and forget

I am death living memory leech.

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