that was the most turbulent, gut-eating feeling i have had in the last five years; or maybe, my mind made it so. coming from a stagnant relationship, built through years of falling apart—every possible connection is amplified, feeling anew. or maybe, i was just sad. i let impulse run my mind, i let delusions eat me, i let my heart decide—all of it to end abruptly, in a torrid snap.

"it's fine, it's only been five days," i said, with bitterness and gratitude gritting through my teeth. spare teenage hormones and angst filling the chat. my replies were not rational at all. "maybe we're just sad and ****", you said, quoting my pretentious nonchalant words.

"it's fine, but why did you have to lead me on like that?" and i pressed send, only to find out i was already blocked.

you didn't have to take me out, watch the sunset with me, or even hold my ******* hand, or be the most fictional character to ever grace my life. you didn't have to outdo all of the dates i've ever been to. i was vulnerable, too kind to spend a whole monday with you. you said you were obsessed with me—but dropped me like that hot chicken wing.

"i loved the idea of us", you said, but probably not with me.

I'll never bother you again. I promise.

Proclaim to me a trade,
For every crumb of food in the land,
Every drop of wine,
Every glimmer of gold in the realm,
And still I wouldn't trade it for a singular moment of time.

Oh, carry me on the winds of a sleepless dream,
Where there's fields aplenty upon the fiddler's green,
Where the woman is kind and the man is fit and clean,
Borne there upon St. Albans' wing.

Drift me off upon a fiddlers tune,
To a place where the sky is such a brilliant blue,
Where hope is abounding like those dog-days in June,
Where magnolias sprout forth like passion renewed.

****** me forth upon the lover's blade,
A more precarious place no other man can claim,
Where hope and love balance upon a precarious edge,
So easy to tumble off into that dark and void-filled death.

To be in such a state,
forsaking sleep,
Carries me to this strangest of dream,
For without such abstention,
And lack of means,
My creativity floweth out into an endless stream.

"You are beautiful every day!" - I've seen such a phrase on your car key ring. Yes, it's true. You are beautiful every day.

Needless to say
my heart is sometimes a jungle
a wilderness
there are many little
monsters that stalk the landscape
sometimes they behave like a ginger fawn in the headlights
sometimes like a lone wolf with blue stripes
sometimes they wriggle like anthias fish
sometimes sleep like a serpent
i have no way to confine them
nor can i bear to
they too
need care and comfort
when they're hungry they need me to feed them
if i don't see them for days
have they forsaken
left me behind
i just have to ask
as if they never existed
i'm always so focused on the deities and gods
little monsters also need to be nourished by love
when they feel the warmth love thawed and molten
they become more innocuous, pure and lovelier
than humans or immortals
this brought me to a realization
so called monsters or savages is just
a lack of affection
and the harm caused by limitations
the harm which is invisible at the root
it stems from established prejudices, discrimination, contempt
which more often than not
they are unintentional oversights, misunderstandings and ignorance
why do i love so hard
maybe because there are still too many little monsters
in my digital world.

I never lack an audience
even if it's just one person
i have
the cranium of poetry
humbly poised to be placed high
nirvana in a verse
is not to be flaunted
just like the distant incident of snow
remains far and illusive
only the wind knows
the interstice between the heaven and the ocean
the interstices amidst the words
only time knows
i never lack an audience
even if all the readers
who have come from all bearings
have gone
well, i knew that sooner or later
they will leave too
i just hope that when they do
they don't forget it all like a hangover
that'd be a cinch
i never need an audience
time is always by my side
the one true
underwriter.