Spectral in heaven as climbs
the frail veiled moon
So climbs my dreams
So yesterday in father's exquisite garden
where crystal water's flowing, flowing
flowing from an adorned goddess fountain
and amongst lovely flowers blooming
blooming, blooming, blooming
i inquire of father, my father whom i adore
my loving father, the king of all dreams
daydreams, night dreams and fantasies
Father, from whence does dreams come?
and he explains this mysterious mystery
Of little messages from muses eluding
more than some,
dream messages so mysterious to me
And my father the king of all dreams replies,
"All dreams love, my child whom I adore
are designed from a fine misty mist
As pure as pure and as fine as fine can be
Caught betwixt dimensions of timeless time
and heaven's fine pure line of divinity,
As any fine misty mist is purer than pure
and finer than any of finest sunlight
And like sunlight slips through our grasp
yours and mine my dear you see,
such is our dreams and such is time,"
says father, "betwixt reality and infinity
Dreams of every origin and means my child
dreams of light and dreams of darkness
are spun only by mysterious dream weaver
Dreams are yours and dreams are mine
dreams are everyones"
And so contemplatively, i inquire of father,
"father, now i'm more puzzled than ever,
how does dream weaver spin so many dreams?"
And father replies, "an interesting question,
my child, and one I must ask dream weaver"
and still i am puzzled
Their souls had spoken. Rushed off into adventure fueled by mania without first breaking the ice. These talks were between new friends. Altogether anchored by deathless subjects, they deliberated naively over a shared pot of bone apple tea. The glass was broken, but this was no emergency - just heavy words minced by chattering teeth.
Hesitating only slightly, they took a death pledge. “I’m bad and it’s not worth it,” she said. “You’ll be disappointed by me too, and I’ll bet my life on it,” he returned. They chuckled sheepishly. “You’re going to miss this too”, sang the younger sibling.
Of course, their conversation was purely conjecture, subject matter the victor of a game of happenstance, mutilated in transcription, like notes copied over the shoulder from someone else’s lecture.
Still, he hoped it didn’t matter, and without hope, it didn’t matter. Perhaps this was merely thinkful wishing. “I was a single digit, a gorilla in a concrete jungle,” his words seemed to suggest. “A flightless bird makes good food for thought. Fight or flight, fight the good fight. Always choose your battles wisely, and never speak in absolutes.” she recommended.
“It’s got to be somewhere; everything’s somewhere, but, everywhere else is not here.” he wondered. She could read between the lines; and left to write. “Stop being ungrateful and just close your eyes.” She closed the door, and he opened a window. Then, like some thinly sliced avocado that didn’t quite make the cut, he fell asleep.
…the dream sequence
plays like vaudeville
in the peephole
of a kinetoscope
my drunken subconscious thoughts
undulate in murky waters
and slurin the visions of specters past
infrastructures and pylons
formed from childhood homes schools
skate parks friend’s houssand churches
faces familiar unfamiliar
mold and mend in wicked contortions
and diaphanous ambiguity
what obfuscates me from the truths
of my mind
I stumble through the chambers
haunted by childhood nightmares
and tickled by ancient fantasies
and the words
are like alphabet soup
in the director’s commentary
splashing around aimlessly mingling
in the waves of broth
what will be revealed
in this phantasmagoric phenomena
wax figures coming to life
and panoramas dancing on the walls
my body somewhere in time
waits with pen and paper in hand
eager to counter the façade
with the utmost coherence
just you wait til I wake up
and reveal all your secrets
oh wondrous mind…
every dream has a corresponding action.
When i was young, i dream of many things. I guess in life our paths its never or would be as expected. It doesn't mean we or i have live full of regrets, perhaps there's some but not entirely all. Granted we're young and foolish in choosing which way. Still me on the other hand, I waited, I choose what's safe and what's given. Perhaps I was indecisive on what i want, or i was too fearful of failure on disappointing them and also maybe myself as well. I never would have expect that I could hurt myself more than what people's darkness had brought upon me. I fear that when I reach 35, and I'm still alone, I might lose my mind. I really wanted to quit my job here and find myself. I think I've been confused and lost for quite some time now. Writing seems to brought up what's needed to be done, that's why I'm doing this. Recently I've been reading online books and watching some films/TV just to ease my restless mind, relieve me on my sadder thoughts. I tend to sleep more over the weekend, atleast there I can be whenever I have to be. But all this escape are just an excuse for me to live on. You know I've erase all my childhood memories, or its just the way it is as we grow we forget those distant past, yet one thing that remain that i still wanted, a family of my own. I dream before that I have a simple white house with my family, one or two child, and i have a stable job while my wife stays at home. A cliche isn't it? I guess since before I only want the simple things. Now I never would have guess its that hard to achieved when you know there is a rock that blocks the passage way in your heart and there's a hidden wall of fear in your mind. I guess you can tell that I know what to do, but didn't do it. Perhaps all of us needed more time, more courage to be ready. All I think about; 'Risk is never easy'. Once I step I retrack back, doubtful, fearful of what i thought are the consequences. Sorry reader if I am quite vague on this journal, this is just tib bits on what's on my mind here and there... I'm thankful, when you read this, that alone is enough, because I myself need to understand all what's written here, to understand my inner self more.... I just end my jibberish here for now...
You are a month of new beginnings.
You carry snow on your back and cannot
let go of the frustrating challenges you lay upon us.
You can be irritable at times but know how to
make up for the bad memories.
Your as bitter as black ice but as sweet as
the sparkling snow I mistake for sugar.
Promise me one thing, be sure to make each day
last, because soon enough you will disappear
behind another season. Behind another day.
New paper perfume,
the crackle of the spine
Calling for new inked worlds
in carefully written lines,
Pregnant with the future
poems and prose,
Fantastical dreams and
true fears exposed,
Blank pages, eagerly empty
for each delicate creation,
Begging for your words
in thirsty desperation
I am thankful for new journals.
You who have done wrong, who thinks your right.
In subsequent to your anger towards me,
you have no [right].
Still i ignore your snubs
treated it as a bluffs.
Glad that you ignore me
at times, even if you bore a grudge on me.
I'll received it as a parting gift
to forget whatever causes of grief
I know this words will never reach you,
cause in life i don't want to give birth
to more misunderstanding. I am already
misunderstood and mistreated at times.
I just want to live-up to the silence of my comfort.
My independence is enough
to have a strong mind
and a stable heart to withstand
all the backslash of tongues.
a quote says:
everybody needs somebody sometimes
well i don't need one when I'm still able.
"siya na yung may kasalanan, siya pa yung may ganang magalit and mag damdam. ang kapal, talaga..."
Now I understand that Bullies have low EQ(emotional quotient). They just tend to have fun at you all the times without realizing that they've done too much. It been long i haven't wrote something like a journal. I just want to release this thoughts running on my mind.
Desires are a tricky thing. They never stop expanding.
I remember the times I would daydream endlessly about having what I have now, and when you think of it like that, being so caught up in future desires so that you are unable to appreciate what’s right in front of you seems a very big waste of life. For what is the purpose of desires if you cannot appreciate their fruition?
Desires will always lead to the birth of new desires, but to learn to relish in the present abundance while manifesting the future is key, and will bring forth the utmost gratitude, and thus happiness.