To Lose Everything and Die for it


Punch me know how it feels how it goes away too soon like its memory holding the pull of time holding out for something punch me in the guts how is it feels like pool of blood pressure lowing it feels like pool of blood holding a pitch in decay decades of forlorn expulsion of punch list of items in the guts free to call pulling me out of time call the feels like pool of blood holding a punch me know how it goes away too soon golden hours on methadone climbing and scoring a high from the closest thing to blood pressure lowing the punch me know how it feels holding on to the feeling like blood spilt on a pool of soil golden brown hasish found in my pocket and two years after that hit me in the guts feel how it goes holding a pitch and putt goal in mind to star in my own golden hours brow beaten path to gold punch me know how it feels
Holding up the rush of running to nothing a globe holding on to it like how is it feels golden blood pressure lowing the punch me in the guts how are we feeling blood holding up the acolyte it goes away too soon punch me know what you are missing golden hours on methadone climbing and closing gate to star in my own and operate a higher level than God holding on to nothing is happening fast as you running away from too soon punch me know when it comes to blood pressure lowering your thoughts down to memory card punch in the head all gone to her head now holding on my way to freedom of memory cells broken and missing like chemical reaction to antidepressants is so sad down in the morning and in my night time memory punch in the morning and night at golden hours blood pressure lowering your price list for closing gate to freedom blood golden brown hasish found in my pocket with the ticket to hell never gone through the whole day without your consent format time it moves around universe floating around your body slowing growth and you feel like punch me know how it feels like pool going too soon holding the pull out of your life holding the baby of love despite the gate to freedom of golden hours on methadone climbing and scoring a high good byeall gone to her head now holding on my way to freedom of memory cells broken and missing like chemical reaction to antidepressants is so sad down in the morning and in my night time memory punch in the morning and night at golden hours blood pressure lowering your price list for closing gate to time
it moves around universe floating around your body slowing growth and you feel like punch me know how it feels like pool going too soon holding the pull out of your life holding the baby of love despite the gate to freedom of golden hours on methadone climbing and scoring a high good bye

What I see
I might not comprehend
My vision could be
fogged till the end
It's hazy, It's unclear
I don't know what's ahead
A fox, a tiger or even a bear
I could be dreaming, right in my bed
I wish I could be
one of those that can see
with their eyes unclouded
Their vision clear and unbounded.

the moon chased me through cities
growing more as days go by

I could not escape its gaze
through foggy curtained windows

I always thought I was made for
the night but as it turned out

the moon burns in me more
than the sun ever could

grey misty haze
why pray for better days?
silver hues
lick moist air
in the beautiful world we share
puddles painted on the floor
revealing your unfocused stare
grey misty haze
tickling noses blue
should be enough
for you

Beyond that fog lies the unknown.
The way it can hide a whole city
may fill a hole in me
bury the trauma within
by keeping our memories blurry
it’s a natural response to forget
to never again recall that story.

Back to the wall
Music playing
Something slowly arising
Preparing me to fall

Light and giddy
Swaying and saying
Words which stumble out
Sloshing and without
A drop of sense

Fingers tapping each tiny letter
Attempting to convey
The strangeness taking over
Wondering if it would get any better

Alas, it only gets worse
Before it gets better

Lying on the floor
Limbs stretched and curling back in
Laughter erupting in bursts from within
Wild, untamed and oh, what more
What more did come?

A loss of time,
All left in fog
Alone and lightly afraid
Yet thoughtless
Like a small child hearing a rhyme

Fragments
Moments of time
Glimpses into memory
Much left unseen

Slipping into sleep
In my head did I weep
For what I do not know
Kneading the carpet insecurely like dough

Awakened not an hour later
Stiff and unsure
Climbing to my bed
To rest my confused head.

- Jay M
September 6th, 2020

Uncertain of what's coming
Walking in a room with my eyes closed
I'm steady, so I'll keep running
No, how could I ever let go?
When all around me is crumbling to my feet
And there's nobody on my street
My lonely, quiet road
I travel with my dog
Through an invisible fog

Early hours I feel my heart racing
Like in my dreams there was something I was chasing
Leaving me breathless in my waking moments
Memories of the chase fleeing like rodents

None know the entirety of the chaos I've been wading through
In all of this time I feel that my strength grew
True, at some points it felt like I may have reached the ends
But then I talk to my friends

- Jay M
April 10th, 2020