Numbing pain; headache tablets full in a mouth,
speedy replies, and local loves. I love the rush.
I broke my heart for a crush.
Reminder: life is a little too
rough.

But I'm acting tough, close to the lines of messing up.
Always about to cuss. I swore it was the last,
but that's just a whispering bluff.
Enough of myself, too full of
myself every time I
laugh.

I spend hours thinking about random stuff; to huff
and puff, and blow away my best love. And we
both love spending hours talking about
some random
stuff.

She's had enough, with pure innocence of a dove.
And I'm the one sinning on her behalf. She's the
better half; but still a kid at heart, acting
tough. She's a calf, domesticated from
her wild love from her
past.

We're tragically in love, not from above or succumbs;
pushing time into each other, as it will shove.
Holding necks with a love glove, it has me
so choked up. In the first line of
love being a
drug.

You were a warm, weighted blanket,
You comforted me when I was alone.
You made me feel safe and well,
You quickly became my home.
Your embrace was warm and welcoming,
But soon became too hot.
I tried to kick you off of me,
I fought with all I’ve got.
Your hold was now too tight,
Sometimes I couldn’t breathe.
I swore I’d never touch you again,
But I’m truth, I couldn’t leave.
You were all I never wanted,
This thing, sewn to my bed,
But I couldn’t ask a soul for help,
So I clung to you instead.
People soon began to worry,
If I was doing alright.
I missed work, events, and meals,
Just to sleep with you at night.
I thought that I could manage you,
That I could pick and choose…
“An evening here, an evening there”
But it’s a game that I would lose.
One night you suffocated me,
Made me sleep for “one last time”.
But someone cut you off of me,
And brought me back to life.
I really thought I loved you,
But I should have known better.
I should have known you’d almost **** me…
I should have bought a sweater.

The more time I spent with you,
the more addictive I became
and the more I needed you every day.

Being away from you gave me withdrawl.
The more I put you into my head,
the more dependent I became on you.

I didn't love you.
I don't think.
It was the idea that you made me feel safe
and helped me escape my own thoughts

I loved the idea of you
The idea of happiness
of a good, impossible thing.

And now that you are becoming
more and more distant
My mind is too.

Writing
Synonymous with a drug
Miming the story in my head
Does not take the edge
Off.
No,
I must physically take a swig
Sling the pen on the paper
See the words in their truest form
Word-***** on the page
Drunk with laughter, tears and rage
High on prose
People
And places
I must create
Or I'll die
Just one more sentence
Maybe two
And then I'll find my way
In this bed I'll stay
This will be the last time
I write at 3am
...
I promise...

Shadows are real
they move when you don’t want them too
When you think your taking steps further away, and they slowly move closer towards you
Flash light and colors in your face, sending you signals
But I’m only human, don’t they know I’m not bilingual?
Or has the crack made me lucid
Feel the presence of the other side
Why did they choose to torture me?
Because I didn’t hide? Because I kept getting High?
Maybe because I was close
This devils dying to taste me, inching closer every time I crush his powder.
Making ticks on the clock louder, every minute of every hour.

Our connection was inevitable, I could tell how bad he wanted to break through
Enough for him to convince me,
crashing my car was how I’d get to you.
Your cheeky in the way you move
Fed on my weakness because you’d know I’d listen
But you’ve mistaken my blood shot eyes, for ones that glisten.
How could you think I’d be that easy?

I’m stronger than you realize, It insults me you mistook me for a phoney
You’ve been taunting me for years, how infuriating that your voices haven’t made me enough lonely
Your angry, losing patience in the divided line
But your poison kept me alive when it came down to my life and a telephone line

I’m a fool, not foolish. Near sighted, not blind
You made me weakest, gave false hopes on becoming yours and no longer mine

I’ve realized maybe you wanted me to meet my real demons
While they flashed red and blue in the taillight behind

I can’t decide if you wanted me at the bottom
As payment for my sins
Or gave me an opportunity to start solving all the real problems,
The ones from within.
I can’t find the right words yet.
I’m hoping this was our last dance
But I mean it when I say I met my maker
I know this time is my time, a real second chance.

I'm sorry I'm not a degenerate like you
But that's not my fault
But in your own warped minds
Filth

F Minus

Feelin nicotine sick
Tho nev **** on a stick
Dealin wit dopamine *****
They don't need a fix

sometimes its good to have a break
but one more time for old times sake
a cycle to be broken
but a cycle never cracked

Suffered a bad fall
bashed my head against a white wall
didn’t even feel the pain
but who’s fault is it if not the charming *******

Staring, inane, deeply in reflective glass;
Nothing but green & gone am I;
At work, I wear dumb sunglasses
to hide, not sorrowful, but puffy, glossy eyes.

Soldiers, I ride clouds, later to fall in pits;
I sniff, I live. It fades, my life fades with it;
Soldiers with flags & badges, they lowered you;
Soon when I’m lowered too, would I have that too?
For substances and few crows will sing my song;
I envy soldiers, for the land will sing you long & long…