This morning
I awoke from a tangle of dreams
from wild feelings
in the jungle of my heart
The morning sun
sliced through
the slumber
like machetes
just in time
to bring me to
a clearing
to my reality.

(c) 2014

Slaves love the weight,
what’s a feather without a date
to write it with?

I love the bones,
I hate the flesh,
I run for death.

He speaks the longest miles,
all of his verbs smile.
I carry the heaviest laugh &
we watch it blow down all the leaves.
His trees -Are nowhere near
the roots I hold.
He sees gold & I’m an old soul.
I sit and scrape this bowl,
everything I need
I refuse to feed.

He’s not mine.
All my time’s erupted to the sky
and his eyes light my world
with lies
watching birds fall
not fly,
Singing their song of sighs.

I saw her,
she was there among the leaves and flowers.
I walked towards her,
she was reading slowly...
she saw me,
but kept on with her book.

Would you mind if I sit here?
Of course not, be my guest...
Could you tell me what you do? And how old are you?
                       And spring played all around her...

Would you mind if in an instant,
I fell in love with you
and your air of serenity?
Could you tell me if you come here often?
Would you mind?

I'd follow you to your door if you'd show me the way?
Or at least if you're coming tomorrow...

We were there like those who've been there for ages,
she spoke, I spoke
                                 and evening fell...

She showed me her ideas on beauty,
I listened, she listened... and it got dark.

Could you tell me your name?
I'm Chiara, what's yours?
                               And spring played all around us...

Would you mind if in an instant I fell in love with you
and your air of serenity?
But tell me do you come here often?
We were there she spoke, I spoke...

Is it OK? I'd follow you to your door if you show me the way?
Or at least if you're coming tomorrow?
If you're coming tomorrow?
But tell me if you're coming tomorrow?
If you're coming tomorrow...

Good morning,
what'd you wake to?
What kind of eyes you lookin' through?
Tell me,
was it ever me you wanted?
'*** every dream I have
I'm haunted...
Oh, babe
I feel this kinda way now...
the way the sun rays warm us all
like anticipation for the  
rain to fall...
I gotta' know,
are you in this for the
long haul?
I know I shouldn't be...
Honestly, I'm not looking
for an answer
they'll warn you,"You can't change her,"
so in my mind
I walk to you
with
leaves under my feet
& in my mind we meet.
& I poke fun
& say, "Where've you been?
You down for sinning?"
I'm just kidding."
I just desire simple living,
picking flowers,
extending hours
in your presence
an
earthly heaven.
Laughing in a 7/11
to buy a smoke
& then we choke
from laughing.
Oh, babe
I'm already ******* trapped in

It's fine, yea it's fine
I sit 'round a fire, wine & lips
eating pears,
he loves my hips
And then he grips
Yea, babe,
here I go again
I've slipped
he hands me a clip
I burn...
& there I go,
it's all gone
numb.
I blow him
like some bubble gum.
with you
sitting there in a
corner of my mind
tucked away he'll never find.

Still wonderin',
what do you think at night?
Who is it that you write?
I know it's not my right
to know
but you,
you always linger
& I'm worse
a curved
index finger.

We ate cookies on one of our first dates together
sitting smushed into a loveseat park bench,
chocolate chip, gooey, warm, soft, too expensive
but worth it.
I licked the corner of your mouth,
and you kissed me then, with meaning,
with purpose, like it was forever.
It was beautiful then & innocent.

We eat cookies together on the couch now,
six years later and opposite sides.
You don't look at me,
I look at you with half open eyes,
I'm tired,  
I'm like the yellow lamp
in a suburban town on a dead-end street,
waiting for you to come home,
but you don't and you never will.

I watch you talking on your phone.
I sit up, click into
Google & a cookie pops up "Tinder Swipe Right. It Starts Here. Start Something Epic."
We share everything now, Wifi passwords, Netflix, Hulu, a Peloton.....................

A new cookie for you.
None for me.

left you at the revolving door
& there I go
I tell my legs
to ***
I tell my eyes not to
look behind
but I'm always
seeing you through the glass
regardless
just a wing span
away
I close my eyes
& see you
in a revolving door
so
every time I look in the mirror
I ask myself, "should I buy
the plane ticket?"
I know this should be my
own personal revolution
to change
to forget
but,
I find you
everywhere
& I keep
revolving round you
begging for some sort of
warmth from you
that you shouldn't give
like you're the sun
in a galaxy
I'm encircling
in error.

Lips locked around the world
I speak and I'm never
Sad with you
If I stare at you, you'll see the lights
Inside my head
flicker off & on
Like a sunrise & sunset sped up
For there's no fluorescent falsity in
The way I look at you
A million flowers bloom
And sentences pull the trigger on
The way this happiness hits me & bang
I'm sweetly wounded
Plugged up with a million shots
I took
to lay here in your arms
& I wouldn't trade this place for
Any other certainty.

You're not here,
so morning birds can't sing..
they scrape &
pierce the peace
like knife & fork
on a plate of desire.

old love like the lone porch light
on the dead end street
you've always known,
which flickers off & on
like blinking eyes.
She was always waiting...

If you had only let us be,
just you & me...
This love...
We'd grow,
you know.

But God has plans
for seeds of love
unused.
Look at all the wildflowers
on this earth.
All the gardens
are born from
soulmate passion
& so "wasted" love
is fashioned
into lisianthus & persian roses...
& as they bloom..
under our noses...
My heart closes
for you my dear...
your naked ****
you never chose
God only knows
if we'll find happiness,
God only knows
God only knows.

The kind of love that’s aching...
I watch days fold
Into another like laundry.
Time never ends just like it,
So I measure your absence
in pant seams I press together.

It’s simple to do,
Making straight, clear-cut lines
Two halves just have to join together.
I still love you.
You do, too.
Our union should be
as simple as this routine.

How long though, until I see you?
And If then, If we go back?
Will you fold again?
If you do, I swear
to be fair to my heart
I'll lay this love out to dry.
I can't take you back.

(c) 2014 Marlena

My eyes to Slava my seamstress say,

"I'm begging you,
sew me a new skin
here
in your living room
to hold me together now
because I can't seem to anymore...

Dear Slava,
I know you know,
how the thoughts inside me
are crazed,
you've known my childhood days &
it's not me here.
Who's this dead thing in the living room?

I feel the bones inside me,
they're too loose.
You see me falling apart,
these eyes of mine the noose.
Catch me dear friend,
from myself!
I'm begging you,
change this stitch in time
for me?

I fear I'm doing it all wrong:

my walks alone,
Italian class,
writing poems....
Are these the best ways to spend my time?

The black ocean swallows me whole,
I'm drowning again.
Am I just obsessed with this sadness?
Or is our despair what repairs us…what keeps us on track?
What's this path we're always on
with growth the forefront?

If to be complacent corresponds to death, and the present
Is a blur, how can we focused? How can we be alive?

I feel everything & then nothing.
I'm afraid of my own self.
I pop an Adderall like it's nothing,
borrowing
tomorrow's energy
today.
Because I need it all,
Everything.

I'm a little mean,
better late than never
when arriving at yourself.
Spin me round,
watch me twirl my hair,
we can rendezvous
until we've torn our hearts out...
You push me away with every inch I give,
the hole inside me grows deeper,
and I'm learning to pull myself out.

Through it all,
the beauty of feeling,
it's all real,
all of it.

Come here, gather round me,
tell me your stories,
I won't leave you...
I'm inside out
I won't fight it off.
I'll go through.