Dead in bed
mourning my death
in living amongst the living

but I live
and so I keep asking

Where is that sliver of light
that's meant to slip through the shades
and give me that last morsel of hope
to chew on for days and days
until it's mush, but I still gotta chew
because that's all life has to offer

Where is that rush of emotions
that can defibrillate my dying heartbeat
and give me that last reason
to squeeze and squeeze till it's beat
because there is no other way
no other meaning

But I could live in a world with no meaning
devoid of reason
without definitions to cling to

Because there is too much meaning in this world
All your symbols, all your f** standards
make me less of a human,
and there is nothing worse,
there is no way worse
to live in a human's world

songs hurt

emotions flood my brain
I can't handle it
I used to not feel this way
songs used to lift my soul

but songs hurt

emotions claw at my brain
I can't do it anymore
I don't know when it happened
songs used to bring peace

but songs hurt

emotions metastasize like cancer
I can't even bear to think of it
I don't know how this happened
songs used to give me life

but songs hurt

and I can listen to them no longer

The moon stares silently

powerless

It's not like the sun
which we see even without a single glance

The moon is unseen,
even in its full splendor

powerless

It doesn't bother
and we hardly bother to look

life flew over my head.
could I have caught it?

perhaps.

but I wasn’t looking.
rather I stuck to boredom.

I sat in this chair three years ago,
      and it feels the same.
life seemed to have stopped.

I thought and thought and thought,
while others did and did and did,
     and I sit here looking at them.

...I can’t smile at their joys,
        it reminds me of my motionless existence.

and worse,
the jealousy and anger has stiffened my body,
fastening me to this chair
and prolonging my stay

I want to leave,
but it’s too hard to let go of regret.
I am a bitter man,
with eyes of hate;
help me if you can.