One word was enough for me to go down,
bring enough thoughts for me to drown.
One stupid word and habits change forever,
acting in a way I thought I would never.

No longer able to eat or drink,
making my stomach shrink.
Relationships with food became tough,
I’ve to lose weight otherwise I’m not enough.

Brain won’t allow me to keep down food,
fat is how I’m being viewed.
Counting calories wasn’t enough to be thin,
hopefully throwing up is the way to win.

Whatever goes down must go up,
lose more calories while you clean up.
One word was enough to bring me here,
to a place where food is my biggest fear.

The worst part is that I don’t want to change,
world without worrying of weight is strange.
Some day it won’t be about skinny anymore,
Throwing up food will become a chore.

Living off of water and air,
eating just to satisfy those who care.
What goes on afterward you can’t know,
there’s nothing that would show.

Eat as much as you can fit,
then throw up every last bit.
Be quiet so no one hears,
when you’re done wipe all your tears.

Just once more and I’ll stop,
avoid every single food shop.
Shove a toothbrush down your throat,
watch the previously eaten food float.

Thoughts of getting fat making you feel sick,
throw up what you ate you can’t get thick.

All you care about is my school,
once again I feel like a fool.
I thought you cared about me,
however, the only thing you care about is who  I´m gonna be.

I wonder where did I go wrong,
hell is definitely where I belong.
I never felt so alone in my life,
my only friend is this knife.

You see it but you don´t care,
crying when I´m dead, don´t you dare.
Left when I needed you the most,
be ready to see my ghost.

No matter how hard I try,
All I want to do is die.
Unable to sleep or eat,
This mental illness is impossible to beat.

I gave up a long time ago,
No longer able to keep myself afloat.
Lying to everyone around,
Wishing to never be found.

Hating every second of being alive,
No longer fighting to survive.
The pain is just too much to bear,
I have so much going on but I don’t care.

Just let me **** myself once and for all,
Promise me not to make the call.
Police searching for me with no luck,
No one can see I’m stuck.

Tried asking for help but got nothing,
Everyone kept telling me to keep fighting.
One only has so much will and power,
I will be dead in a hour.

Last night’s argument was wild,
It hurt my inner child.
Those words caused extreme damage,
A lot more than I can manage.

You have to make everything about you,
I am always wrong no matter what I do.
You say I always put myself first,
Said so many lies I’m about to burst.

I try to please you but you don’t see,
I am not the person I want to be.
I would do anything to take away your pain,
I hate every inch of my brain.

I am sure you meant what you said,
Thanks to that my mind wants me dead.
I wish I could forget those words,
They stuck to me like burns.

I will never see you the same,
You are the one to blame.
Now please let me die in peace,
I hope that brings you ease.

Locked up in your bathroom bleeding,
no one ever hears me pleading.
Always hiding your arms and thighs,
tears filling up your eyes.

You are hurting but no one sees,
feeling pain to give you ease.
Somehow wishing people see it,
understand the bottom we hit.


Forever making sure it´s hidden,
telling family is forbidden.
All I want is peace,
stop calling the police.

One day I will cut too deep,
for my body to keep.
Blood covering the bathroom floor,
finally done with this war.

You keep telling me you care,
when I ask you to listen you don´t even dare.
Everyone says pain is not the way,
but there is no reason to stay.

No one ever sticks around,
each friendship leaves me feeling like a clown.
I don´t trust people anymore,
they left me breathless on the floor.

Bloodstains covering my clothes,
you think this is the life I chose.
Still convinced that you care?,
or are you leaving me there?.

Hope you find the final note I left behind,
reading it should ease your mind.
I don´t expect you to understand,
to answer your question, yes, this was planned.

I'm fine, perfectly fine,
you all trusted that lie.
Seemed so happy laughing all the time,
hiding my true self inside.

Clothes covering all the lines,
darkness holding my silent cries.
Pain fighting pain,
making me lose the trust I´ve gained.

Brain offering me two bad choices,
knowing even some fighters lose to their voices.
Life giving me blades instead of lemons,
sending me all its demons.

Fighting a battle I don´t want to fight,
waiting to see the final light.
Cold steel becoming my best friend,
helping me find the end.

You blame her for my struggles,
yet you were the one who made me suffer.
Always busy earning money,
never doing anything funny.

You made me question my own worth,
shortening my time on this earth.
I was 15 when I first took the blade,
creating something that will never fade.

It’s sad how blind you were,
thinking you were a good father to me.
Couldn’t see the tears and the pains,
being treated by losing blood from my veins.

Needing pills to stay alive,
couldn’t even know how much longer I can survive.
Yet you still think you aren’t the one to blame,
thanks to you my life will never be the same.

I will never forget what you have said,
nor the memories which I can’t get out of my head.
I never wanna see you again,
and you should respect that if you are a man.

People are scared to reach out,
Suicide is not a topic to joke about.
You are always fine
Until you say your last line.

Depression is a fight
You can't see the light.
All you see is dark
You life is a big question mark.

The pain doesn't seem to end
You pushed away ever single friend.
Hope is nowhere to be found
You are always the one in the background.

Watching yourself in the mirror crying,
knowing you are slowly dying.
Starving yourself to be skinny,
feeling really ignominy.

Trying so hard to lose weight,
not even remembering when you last ate.
Losing control of yourself,
finally understanding you really need help.
Food is now your biggest nightmare,
losing your beauty, hair by hair.

Recovery doesn't happen overnight,
but believe me it is worth the fight.
Keep trying until you get there,
some people will truly care.

Giving up is not an option,
just show me the real emotion.
Your feelings are valid there is no doubt,
don't be scared and let it all out.

Crying after another sleepless night,
thinking you are too tired to fight.
Covering your mouth so no one can hear,
wishing you could just disappear.

Cutting your skin watching it bleed,
trying really hard so you can just breath.
Covering your body so no one can see,
knowing they wouldn't understand how much pain you feel.

Telling them you're fine,
even though you are going through a really hard time.
Crying every time you´re alone then faking a smile,
being scared to show your new profile.

Wanting to give up but trying to fight,
because you know how many people would cry.
Feeling alone anywhere you go,
hiding your pain like a pro.

Depression is not a choice,
it is like battling a very loud voice.
People might not even see it,
they'll never understand the bottom we hit.

Suicide is selfish they say,
but for us, it is the only way.
We wake up every day,
knowing there is no reason to stay.

Rich or poor ninety or eight,
depression doesn’t discriminate.