I wonder if you’d want to know
I named all of my demons after you and
they haunt me in my sleep

when I was 14 I fell asleep in April and dreamed of bones and
I’m not sure I’ve really ever woken up since

when I lost 5 pounds I never saw a difference

when I lost 10 my mother said I was looking good

when I lost 20 she told me to stop and handed me food
and I became anemic

when I lost 25 I stopped drinking anything because
I felt water had calories

when I lost 30 my mother held me on her lap
and held my bones together for me

when I lost 35 I started fainting every morning and
the doctors could no longer easily find my blood pressure

when I lost 40 people started to stare and food made me cry

when I lost 45 it hurt to walk and to lay down
it hurt to eat
it hurt to breathe and
I started throwing up my empty stomach

the mind plays tricks on those that decide
nourishment is not needed

Eat.

for i am a deer
in a family of hunters

there is a numbness in my bones
while i sit on my worthless throne

We made it to the east coast
i saw the ocean, mom.
Dad saw a needle.
My ole man yelled and held my hand

We came with the rain,
Down the boulevard-
It's safe to say this year was pretty hard
We buried sons with stars
And my Grannie
In baby blue pjs
With Uno cards.