I have never felt more alive than when your hands glided across the curve of my waist and you were smoking your marlboro black 100's and I could taste them on your lips while the sky blushed pink and red when it saw your naked soul. I've always held onto the things that destroy me most but for once I let go and held onto you instead. I held your hand too tightly and I heard bones break because I was so scared to show you the parts of me that were dying and you told me, baby you control which parts die and grow, and that was the first time I felt some form of self love in 3 years.
I want to take your sadness and grab it by its throat until it bleeds all of the poison that has harmed your body, because baby, your body isn't at war with you but it braces itself against the bombs you throw at it. you try to cover up the battlefields like I've never seen them before but you don't have to hide the ways you try to **** your sadness. dollar bills, razor blades, straight lines, bottles, and colourful pills do not define you, you are made up of the deepest depths of the ocean where no one has been, you are made up of the metaphors in every love poem, you are made up of your first kiss with cigarette lips, you are made up of the summer nights spent making love to the moon.
you see baby, you scream at the shadows of your worst fears that lay next to you in bed until your throat feels raw, but they won't always be there. I will take their place and whisper in your ear that you are an entire galaxy trapped inside one body and the star dust in your eyes shines brightest when you laugh.
but most of all baby, I see you as a mystery waiting to be solved, a tormented piece of art that is worth way more than money could ever buy, a empty home waiting for someone to be able to unlock the doors and feel safe inside. many have tried to burn you down after you let them in and you've sealed the door shut and closed the blinds. I've been knocking on the door for days and I don't know if you can hear me, but you are the only home I've ever known.

Take this kiss upon the brow!
And, in parting from you now,
Thus much let me avow—
You are not wrong, who deem
That my days have been a dream:
Yet if hope has flown away
In a night, or in a day,
In a vision or in none,
Is it therefore the less gone?
All that we see or seem
Is but a dream within a dream.

I stand amid the roar
Of a surf-tormented shore,
And I hold within my hand
Grains of the golden sand—
How few! yet how they creep
Through my fingers to the deep
While I weep—while I weep!
O God! can I not grasp
Them with a tighter clasp?
O God! can I not save
One from the pitiless wave?
Is all that we see or seem
But a dream within a dream?

Green arsenic smeared on an egg-white cloth,
Crushed strawberries! Come, let us feast our eyes.

don't ask me to tell you that
i don't love you
because
i'm tired of lying to you
but don't ask me to tell you that
i love you
because
i'm scared of how you will respond

Some say look away
Look away
You cannot change
What they do
Cannot control
Or spread truth
All you can do
Is do for you
So look away
Look away
**** what they say
I will only look away
Two times
When I go to bed
And when I am dead

What does it mean
When I scream in the darkness
Place my face firmly
Into my pillow
So no one will know
That I am crying with
Rage and sorrow
How do those two emotions mix
When I see nightsticks
Used against the innocent
When bullets blaze
Not graze or stun
But ****** our young
And they are our young
Every white, black, yellow one
Is our young
This is our world
Where atrocities occurs
Ocean’s distance from here
Where fear rules
Where violence
Never ends
And bends mankind
To horrible contortions
Where squads of Russians
Hunt the LGBTQ
What if it was you
What if it was someone you knew
Eyes tightly clenched
I scream
While tears keep flowing
Still knowing
That another tragedy
Will be stacked upon
The one I just read about

Am I about to lose my mind?
I can't think enough
I can't think too much
I can't think, not even a bit.

I overthink, therefore I do think.
I oversleep, I stay up late at nights though.

I don't feel as if I were living.
It all feels like a dream, as if I were floating,
floating through my life.
Not living my life.

Barely,
Existing.
Maybe, maybe, I haven't lost my mind *YET