how i resort to self medication
it helps my brain calm down
when i'm in overdrive.
the sun rises
and i recognize
the consequences of my actions.
it could be worse
One last pic and I'll be home
I'll be dead by dawn.
i don't want to continue this way
hand cuffed to the vices
I want better for myself
my therapist has seen me twice this week
yet i feel like I'll see her soon

seeping in all the crevices
reconnection
he's like a sickness I can't sleep off
but the warmth he shows
pulls me in like before.

with keeping myself together.
i'm trying to work on all the pieces.
i have nothing left.
i have the smallest will to live, even though
i know there is so much to do and see,
people to meet and places to go.
i just don't want to keep feeling how i feel.
i wish i was excited to wake up every morning.
like how i used to be when things felt good.
like when a new day felt like a new start.
not now
all it feel like is endless days.
the weeks repeat themselves.
the thoughts and feelings crawl back,
and i crumble at their touch.
i feel so dead
but so alive because i have so much going on.
i feel dead because i keep telling myself,
i will get through this exhausting time.
we're all struggling. i know.
but *******
it really hurts all the time
just to be
here.

he's moving on
He found someone new
super new in fact
but they were good enough
for him to say
"im sorry :(".
but you weren't looking for anything serious?
Not my information to know
Not my life to live
Not my *** to have anymore.
A bit confusing considering you wanted me
a few weeks ago.
That's alright, it's okay.
I loved the time we shared while it lasted

for now I'm a little confused and saddened by the
loss of our anyways temporary days together.
but grateful for how you treated me
how you shared with me and listened to me
how you held me and looked at me
how you wanted to see me and how you made
time for me
How we made it work and how we connected so
fast
how I met ur friends and you paid for my overnight tickets
how you held my hand in public and acted like i
was yours for the moment
how you asked for my opinion and cared about my
needs while you were with me
but that's settled
I have my closure
I'll move on

I knew exactly how it would end as soon as I met you,
so strangely
giving me peace