Lost my keys
Couldn't find my phone
Work dread
Mood swings
Overlapping thoughts
Very unstable
Uncertainty
Intrusive thoughts

Scared of future
Freeze on past
Angry in present
Want to change everything about me
Move away
Start over
Annoyed with myself
Cold to sweating frequently

Dissociation
Wanna be loved
Needs hugs
New beginnings
Pets bring comfort
Listening to my breath
Quiet is helpful
Empty house is peaceful

I need patience
I need someone to take time with me
I need someone to listen to me

You didn't seem mentally ill yesterday
Yesterday you were so happy

how much i don't want to be here right now
because i have such a love for life.
but i don't want to skip ahead.
I don't want to skip the chapters
I want to read the whole book.
The downs are the lessons during the ups, the healing,
during the growth, during the glow.
i will despise the now, but it's all i have.
Regardless of where I am and who I want to be,
you can't go back or to the future.
I can't have my future that I long for without the now.

why I say
"I wish you were an ******* to me"
you don't understand
how I want to be mad at you
how I wish things could work out for us
how if you were a bad person
I would feel less upset
About us not working.
I could give myself a reason
to get over you.
But of course
I hold onto
False hope instead

the last time I felt that flustered.
I don't think it's ever been that intense.
I just remember being so excited
because he actually wanted to see me.
I just remember sweating
because he was so pretty.
I remember being taken aback
because it was so natural.
But I will refuse to admit
the smiles that appear across my face
when I hear from you.
Even though I'd let you break my heart happily