my god you were such a beautiful stranger
i've still got the confetti in my hair
between the smoke and the shot in the barrel of a loaded gun
don't you remember us being there?
god i remember us being there.

i’m in the dark,
and i’m terrified..
i try to close my eyes and not think about it
but my eyes keep opening..


i swear there’s monsters
coming out of my wall.

now when I think of love I want to puke,
the thought literally makes me sick to my stomach because I know now what it does to a person

how you lose yourself in someone else and then all of sudden you can't breathe anymore without them

I am promising myself to never be that stretched again,
to give myself a try for once, relying only on my intuition and will to power through life and relationships, never getting too blind to see things as they really are

I wanna know what it's like to be so good alone that the earth shatters when I take a step,
electricity radiates from my skin and my soul is so loud it shouts through my eyes

There is no home here
Only four walls
and an echo of yelling
There is no comfort here
only selfishness
There is no stability
only cracked foundation
There was no childhood here
mostly just rough times
There is no dad
just a man who sits in his place
There is no money
only enough to scrape by this month
There is no peace
only violence and unhappiness
There is no contentment from me
just longing to leave
and I envy all those who had these things
If home is where the heart is
I have none

living is so expensive.
moms working two jobs and
dads doing overtime weekly now and
i little myself too much
already knowing of my parents expenses,
i don’t think about things that i may want,
knowing we probably can’t afford it.
Like why go online shopping and let the items sit in your cart
knowing well you aren’t in the position to purchase anything
and when you stumble upon it it’s saddening to an extent.
“borderline depressing”
mom says.
“that’s just how life is”
dad says as he pours a *** of hot water
into my sisters lukewarm bath.

heartache and debt
the cost of living.

i reach a point of ******
and i never realized how sad it was
i never realized that i was actually
crying this whole time.
hidden beneath covers
friends in rooms miles away from mine
we’re all living our lives and making mistakes
but we haven’t been awake for a while now
i’m afraid.
there’s something about the muted twinkle
that brings me back to the soft lights
and the coffee and the microphone
and that first poem that
proved i belonged in a space of melancholy
because being broken is about more
than being an artist nowadays
i usually want to jump inside the paintings
but this one makes me
want to jump out.

I gave up
and I gave in.
I caved from the pressure,
and most benign of stress.

I fractured,
I broke the plate.

My cornucopia of delicious,
has no nutrition for my soul.
Meekly I settle for meager.
Weekly, I’ll settle for less.

At least this way I can breath within-
     -the full expansion of my chest.
     This way I can safely save-
          What little sanity I have left.

So to you, maybe I’m a failure.
Maybe it’s true, but monetary designations do not reign in my mind.

For love and life defines the greatest of wealth.