xtine

xtine Apr 2019

Cautious

how straightforward can you be?
it intrigues me to see how your confidence
replaces your fear of taking risks

the complete opposite
of my cautious being,
stopping at every intersection
wishing to avoid every single hazard

There are times when I wish I wasn’t so afraid of what the world has to offer.

#wish #unafraid #cautious #life #confidence

Apr 2019

Alex

Here's the Thing,

I don't like talking to you
Because I'm scared I'll be awkward
And make you hate me

I don't look at you in the halls
Because I'm scared you'll look back
And my chest will fall

I avoid texting back
Because I'm scared I'll send some dumb text
I'll regret later on

I look to my feet
Not because I'm scared of you,
But I'm scared of the hate

I'm a coward, afraid of the people in the world
Their judgment, their problems, their lives
I'm scared that if I love someone
I'll destroy them as much as I am

I promise you, I don't hate you
I'm not trying to avoid you
I'm just terrified
Of loving you.

xtine Apr 2019

One-sided Feeling

Should I even waste my time
Thinking about those who
Don’t take the time to
Think about me too?

xtine Mar 2019

3/22/19

it drains me
to see a reflection
of underneath my skin
because what lies beneath
is oxygen-starved blood
by the fears that strangle
my being;
my body drags me
to encounter the day
that i wish i didn’t have
to be a part of,
hoping that everything would
just. stop.
pause.
let me try to catch my breath,
just one more fog of air
to blur that reflection
that’s not worth seeing.
listen to the squeak
of my fingers
caressing the glass:
two dots and half a circle
so at least
one of us is happy;
but it didn’t last.
soon enough,
the two dots began to cry
like the reflection it tried to cover
because it too
had the constant thought
of not being good enough

#contentment #reflection #anxiety #fears

xtine Aug 2015

Back To School

I never actually knew how lonely it can get in crowded hallways.

Two weeks before school. I'm not ready.

#school

xtine Aug 2015

If i could accept my wings

If I could just accept the fact
That I will never be an eagle
Like you,
Whose wings spread so widely,
And whose spirit filled with pride
For all of the things that you have accomplished.
Because who am I compared to you,
A broken-winged pigeon
Who seeks,
Who admires
Your boundless beauty and confidence,
Only to find myself
Intimidated by your presence.

If I could just accept the fact
That I could never soar as high
As you
Who reached their full potential,
And who has been given the honor
Of being one of the most brilliant beings that ever lived.
Because who am I compared to you,
A bird who can only fly
As little
As high
As my small wings could take me,
Disappointing myself
With every stumble and fall.

If I could just accept the fact,
Then maybe,
Maybe I can be just happy as you.

There's always going to be someone better than you.
(So this is actually my first poem here, and I hope to find a passion in poetry as much as you do)

#if #insecure #birds #wings #acceptance

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