If you walked in room 144
Took in the windows and the door
Locked up your heart
And threw it way

It would be a reminiscence
Of me in that sense
There, gone, changed
My whole world rearranged

If you sat on my desk
And flirted with ghosts
Drank all the bottles
Commanded the toasts

You would feel empty
Though you had drunk plenty
In room one hundred and forty-four
Please, knock on the door

I won't answer, I never do
But in my heart I feel it to
I feel the oak and the thud
You open it, and see the blood

Of memories painted on the sky
To see the symbols and question why
One step, the evidence to destroy
One finger print, from a single boy

The one I loved, and told so much
Like all my days those felt rushed
Now I swim in thicker air
Finding nothing better there

Move on, they all said
Now they see, their words are red
Written in blood on the walls
For each word, someone falls

You could kiss me on my eyelid
You can, just as he would
You could kiss me on my forehead
He did, and now he is dead

That death drags down my heart
Through my stomach and tears it apart
Down to my feet so I can't run
It happened. It's over. It is done.

No one wins in this game of hearts
We all just become less than we were at the start
You play with bottles and bodies
Playing poker, dressed so scanty and gaudy

No one wins, you can't even fold
So strip your pride, do what you're told
Less that today, more than tomorrow
And drink yourself until you have no sorrow

You never remember, not in the morning
But the bottles speak of much mourning
Sad, salty tears, run through your veins
Reaching your head, racking your brain

You kiss the mouth of the glass
Hoping to make the nightmares pass
You wish today into the past
Nothing to keep, nothing to last

Room 144, my memories coffin
In my mind, I travel their often
To remember, the sights and sound
To dance my memories into the ground

My home and my cage
Trapped here in jealous rage
Quiet I sit, and quiet I stay
Until you find me, one day

When a heart breaks it doesn't split in to
And your mother cant fix it not with glue
I don't want chocolate or any other food
I don't want to come across as rude

I just need love and I need time
I broke my heart when I signed the dotted line
I crossed on a broken bridge
And was left falling from a ridge

I fell long and I fell hard
And when I hit the bottom I saw stars
I didn't hear your voice cause I was all alone
I fell hard just like a sinking stone

I was trapped in a room no window or door
And I curled into a ball and slept on the floor
I lay like that for a long time
Like a sleeping mime

I was kept in a box
No key no lock
I need to escape
Without a single scrape

I cut my arms
I bruised my legs
I hurt my heart
And burned my head

Its all your fault I'm not okay
I didn't think love would end this way

The ransom on your head
And the new marks upon my bed
A secret that lies between the sheets
The tremble of cold feet

I dipped a toe and it got wet
I could stop myself - not yet
I breathe my fear into your lungs
I clasped the cold ladder rungs

A silent scream of my own choice
A screaming calling crazy voice
We did it together - not strong enough on our own
Our choice to make our debt to condone

Now I lay in a ditch
With a heart of evil witch
Now numb buried in dark earth
A painful shallow berth

Call for me I need your name
To ignore my own pain
This is your own foolish doing
Watch the storm clouds are brewing

We see night and day but can we not look
At what we lost and what the dark one took
My foot is caught my heart in between my hands
My allegiances torn between lands

The light is diming and the night falls
And you and your voice calls
I crawl between the thorns
From this I never learn

A breeze between the sheets
Where body and I always meet
Reading to deep between the lines
Remember oh so many times

I did the wrong and I pay the price
Not once now but twice
The path is thicker the steps are faster
Like a dog called by his master

I need the rush and I love the fire
All things aside I just have on desire
No words because the actions speak louder
Like a fish on the shore - I continue to flounder

Like words written in stone
And a candle all alone
A deal is struck
And so goes my luck

A had a choice - and a future
But caught between web and suture
A trap that I walked into
A trail I chose to get to you

You call me now in the dark
You want me to play my part
No knife but still you leave scars
All your kind belong behind bars

But please know this comes from a place of love
But I cant touch you - without a glove
If I do I would burn
Just another lesson to learn

I have to go - I will follow the sun
Until I find another one
A galaxy filled with stars
A world that is unlike ours

I will shine like the moon
A light but hidden behind gloom
You see me and watch my glide
Seeking for the heart I hold inside

To Love, I would say;

Run you fool
And fly away
Be fleet of foot
And never look back

Take your scars
And my heart
Sure of steps
You I do not lack

You gave me everything
And took it away
So now I reject
Your bitter memory

All I asked for
You spat upon
My life you took
And warped my destiny

My nest I never leave
For you broke my wings
I would fall
And not for you, enemy

Alone I am safe
Take my insecurity
Give me back my lungs
Let me breath freely

To you I say goodbye
And farewell
Good ridance now
I don't need you

I am lost
And I am torn
You never told me
What to do.

Yours most regretfully,
-The Caged Girl

You are a smokey memory
It brings a light to my eyes to think of you
What could I say to the leaving of my life
To ask you to come back home
Would mean everything to the shallowness I wallow in
Mindful in my retreating
It does very little for a wandering mind and stationary feet
I have found my humility in begging gods dead and lost alike
Though wherever I find them it seems their ears have been shut with the worries of the world
This storm has stamped my skin and the ink runs wild in my veins
Time will check its reigns
A wanderer is never lost
A spirit restless never sleeps
This to shall pass
I bite empty promises into my lip
I dig a grave for my stamina into the palms of hands with my nails
There is such an emptiness to be found in tomorrow
Your hope for her is not a dangerous one
Yet we forget the wisdom of yesterday as quickly as she is lived
Oh the mutterings of my mind
It is worth pennies in the street

Could it be any more icy?
The temperature drops with every word you speak.
I want to shove corks in my ears
It's a slippery *****, your conversations.

I'm melting on the inside, like a snowman in summer, but there is no warmth here.

Attacked. Deflated.

I was high on life, you sober me so quickly.
Drunk on your lies, but no hangover, I see all to clearly in the morning.

Please shut your mouth.
Do you even know what kind words are?

Passive. Aggressive.

You grip my wrist tighter than any shirt sleeve, and the back of my head rings from your hand.

The hypothermia sets in quickly.
Three minutes in and I'm drowning.

You were supposed to guard my life.
I didn't think you would watch me drown, let alone push me under.

Although many times my eyes have drowned, now my ling's fill with salty water.
Who needs to breathe when all you give me is hot ******* air.

I spoke to myself
As if a whisper had never been heard

Has the sun set yet
We have so little time
To make peace with the day
After your soft touch
I will never feel whole
I am bleeding out
Where your fingers reached
Inside my soul
Where does the time go
When I am dreaming next to you

Do I just awaken
To find pity in these sheets

Though the darkness seems still
I can feel it ache
As it tries to consume me
To tear me away
From all that I have ever known
But to know something
And to belong to something
Are two completely different things
Yet still you remain a part of me

The pull is there
I feel it all through the night
And my heart can barely quiet it's rest
There is life in many things
But I seek for it in seldom
There is light in few things
Yet I look for it in you
And the hope that I cling to
Rests upon your shoulders
It is a gentle weight
Yet you feel it all the same

Like a magnet the night pulls
Oh how opposites attract
Still I try to turn my face to the sun
But my feet will not follow
I resist all that you are
Yet I love the sound of your voice
And I cannot help but ask
Where is my joy?
Where is my peace?
Admist all that I endure

I bear the weight of all this life
These scars weighed in pounds
The darkness screams
In many colors
And breaks apart all that is sound

I told you my dreams were made of glass
But you ripped them to shreds like paper
You knew my heart was on a string
And yet you let me go
Flown away like a kite in the wind
You dropped me down stairs
And left me in my nightmares
No rescue from a lonely soul
My heart was strong but it knew no love
Until I saw you, we had a romance
Of the summer and sunsets and butterfly kind
You watched me learn to love
Like a baby learns to walk
Simple steps, hesitant at first
But then all at once
Yet when I fell, you would always catch me
The tears I cried for you, you wiped away
With gentle midnight kisses
But a dream in the day
So quickly turns to night
And sleep did not come
Only howls of the wolves
Like a vampire you bit
Into my soft skin
And I let you bite
So I could feel you within
I gave you my all and whatever was left
But you had already taken some
Now you took what was left
There is nothing for the next
No new tomorrow
Only pain and a sad sorrow
A gentle cry a long scream
The anguish of a broken heart
From the one who played its part

You silently left
As tears streamed down my face
I was left in the light
But the only bright part of me was my shadow

I couldn't hide my face from the sun
I thought that you would be the one
You are gone
I feel just so empty

I cant understand why you left me
You say find someone else
But all I want is you
I don't understand how my world could just break

You said you were protecting me
You said you couldn't hurt me
But not hurting me hurts me even more
I am different without you

You completed my world
Now I am left missing my most importance piece
You, you held me together
And when you held me in your arms I could fly

But now I've lost my wings and you are the one who has drifted to another shore
I am empty here standing behind your locked door
You shut me out
I just walked away

Not knowing how to feel
Not knowing what to say
The silence isn't awkward it is just lonely
I cant hear your voice and when I do it doesn't sound the same

You are perfect and always will be
But now I am broken and don't think I can be fixed
I don't bend I only break
Why couldn't you hold on for goodness sake

It wasn't worth it
I have so many questions
Do you have the answers
Walking away is never the right thing do to

Sometimes the hardest things in life
Are the right choices
Sometimes the right thing
Is also the wrong

Its all about perpective
But no matter what way I look at it
I still hurt inside
The tears are made of water

But all I feel is knives
You tore me apart
And skinned me alive
It burns its bleeds

But it still beats strong
This is how I feel when you are gone gone gone

You have fallen to your knees
Who will teach you to walk the line when I am faded
When I am burnt out

I was playing with pyromaniacs
Pyromaniacs playing with fire
Fire leading them along
Fire teaching them to dance
Undulating their whole body
Letting fear find their fingers
Fear bind their tongues
Some lessons no sooner learnt than forgotten
This one not among them

She is not lost
She who runs hell
She who dances naked in the halls
With thorns pressed into her hands
Grasping at roses not yet bloomed

You press on my bruises
Wishing for them to bleed
Have you never met shooting stars
The ones the sky let's rule for a solitary moment,
the earth's candle wishes

This is the way fire dances
A soul barren of burden
Though she claim all your possessions
And bite the tongue behind your teeth
You will not remember, what held so little light
A tender bite with a wild appetite

Silent
Neglected
Orphaned
Wanton

I thought about it
And then all at once if consumed me
My mind was filled with thoughts
Wondering what the texture of your lips were

And when it came, so sudden and sweet
It was different that I had expected
But not bitter in the slightest

I didn't expect the cravings
To always hunger for just one more
Your lips, ever present in my mind
And oh how much I long
For just one more kiss, one last time

But now the leaves have fallen
And all I have are memories
I would kiss you again
A thousand times, until I die
But I cannot
For your lips belong to another
As sweet as they are
And as sweet as they seem

So I long now
And teach myself to long to more
For or first kiss was a blessing
And the last a curse
Our first a song
The last a missing verse

Dead in my head
And blood on my bed
No chance to say goodbye
**** this life
I just don't understand

*Why?

There once was a girl
And she made herself a shell
Wound tight around her body
And she met someone she loved so much
He was her fuse
He kept her in his arms
Not in his pocket or in his drawer
But close to his heart
Where no one could tamper with her

There once was a girl
Who lost her mind
And she lost her fuse
And blew into a million tiny pieces
The shrapnel bit into her skin
Into her heart and the pain was to much
But a boy came along
Than looked like a man
He had a heart big enough for two
Like a jar to hold the broken
He kept her together
And he said he would never let go

There once was a girl
Who found peace after pain
Even though she knew
She could never be the same
She lost her shell
But found her life
And now she lives
A beautiful life

Chaos is fluid
We think in concepts
Water is life
And yet all of this is a single stone
Thrown in a chasm of knowledge in this eternity

When I am in deeper waters
You can swim my body back to shore
Know my spirit is still treading
In the depths

I hate the way you know me
Because a child dancing in the street cares more about my heart that you would ever dare

I don’t see anything in my dreams
It is they who are watching me

I said I loved you
If only for the reason
That when I looked in your eyes
That was when I heard music

Breakups are like being an angel in heaven

And no longer do I hear your voice beckon

Then so suddenly I am quickly falling

And still your voice is not calling

To a dry and mortal place unknown

But the worst part is that I am now alone

My wings have been ripped from between my shoulders

They fall in fire to the earth, where they smoulder

So they burn in a fire that just gets hotter

And my questionable soul thirsts for water

Almost as hungrily as my heart searches for your love

You know you will never again look down from the stars above

Yet now I am bound to this desolate earth

Cast out from the skies to a humbler berth

And so we try to survive in a world of desolate silence

For I cannot find your peace among all this violence

Give me green, in all it's shade
For color is lacking here in birth
Oh growth, you desire
And roots deep into the earth

On topsoil you sit
Carried to and fro and yore
Tossed in seasons of turmoil
Thrown like waves to the shore

Your small fingers dig
Grasping at the earth still warm
The sunlight kissed it
To sleep in it you yearn forlorn

The earth she call to you
Like the wind in the trees
She sings you lullaby's
A song in her breeze

Oh simple heart, sweet delight
I see you basking in the daylight
Oh child of forests, my sweet light
I find you here wreathed in starlight

You make peace of the beings
That cling to celestial heaven
You shield all below, with your eaves
And in kind their brethren

Branches screaming to be free
Reach higher still to the sky
A trunk so strong, she is sturdy
Roots that sink, but never fly

If I could name your steps
I would call them sweet destruction
There wake is painful as a crashing wave
And there is none left be to save
Your heavy steps fade away
But the pounding in my head only rises
And the ache of my heart is the beat of the world
My very breathe is frosted and cooled on stone hearts
But sweet destruction I blame you for walking away

The dimension of time
The constrains of the clock
Constantly going tick and tock

Birds in the sky
Life in air
But set a scale
That's always there

Eye contact with you
Is like a tractor beam
You keep pulling me in

The key to my handcuffs broke
The water I drank made me choke
The clothes I picked are to quickly stained
The laces on my shoes never stay tied
The messy buns just fall out
The roads I drive are always dead ends
The stars don't shine for me

The door is always open
But you never come
I will always love you
But this is nothing new
The light of my city
That is never with me
The path to my heart
I lost right from the start

No velvet ropes
Of ticket takers
Just sunken chests
And heart breakers

I want to paint your life away
I don't need a blank canvas
Just enough layers
To hide what is underneath

The less we talk
        The more I feel alone

The more we talk
        The less I breathe on my own

The less we say
        The more you mean

The more we say
        The less there is between

The less we touch
       The more numb I feel

The more we touch
       The harder it is to be real

The lies we tell
        The less we sell

The lies we keep
        Are burnt into my heart

What did I do to understand your body language
Never to need to interpret
A cursed blessing to understand
I read so much into the silence of your heart beat

Do not tell me my father is trying
I do not know this man
I can only wonder
Why did he wait
I begged him
To look at me
Not even to love
Just to see
How could you not know
One day I would be a woman
I thought I would be
Everything you were not
When I look in the mirror
I am your reflection
Everything you are
Your anger burned into my voice
Your strength in my fist
You gave me this fire
It burns me up from the inside
I hear you
Echo in my head
Do not tell me
You are trying
Because when I tried
Begged, pleaded, asked
You turned me away
For 25 years I waited
For you to do better
For me to be enough
To separate myself from the desire
To make you proud
Of that, I will never be worthy
This is not my deepest wound
It is one that will scab over
I will pick at again and again
To watch it bleed
It is your blood in my veins

I am the farthest thing from okay
A person could ever be
But I think for a little while I will make it
As long as you promise to stay with me

Hold up the sky and give me fire
Give up the stars that crown your head
Hold the night in your hand
Before you bestow it upon mortals

Now I am known
Brighter than ever before
Wind me around your fingers
I will undulate in crystal light
Dancing for galaxies
Far beyond our own

Your temples in this world
Unprepared for the next
Stones die
Hymns live, on my tongue
Parting ways
Syllable splitting from taste
Cleaving to particles dancing in sunlight
Equally yoked
Bearing the weight of sins, unspent
Blessings, unfelt
Dreams weaving themselves as a coat
Around a man
In slave to his own folly

Here we bow
At the foot of mountains
Gods carved in stone
Refusing to speak
Begging for water to pour forth
When you will not even wash your feet
Memory is fluid
Dry your hands
The beast rising up from water
Seven stars for each of his crowns
A crown for each of his heads

Make a way into the mountains
You will learn of sacrifice, obedience
Your steps belong to the beaten path
I ******* myself with my own hands
Drag my legs through the dust
A child's prayers are better words
Than my liar of a tongue could conjure
Does God not remember me
How will I honor him again
When his name is dry and old in my throat

My nails crack and splinter
Digging into your thigh
The crows see flesh
I see pain
Red rivers running down your leg

Your voice splits like wood
This is a prayer
When you seek God in pain
Laying your cards out in the sun
Bargaining with the maker
For an ending
When you hold only beginnings for trade
When things are well
Your prayers twiddle their thumbs
Now, the heat rises
Your pockets are empty
Not so your hands

Who will bring me before the altar
Hold the curtains back
Who will speak for me
When my words are worthless
I dare not look upon God
I know he walked with me
Footprints in the sand
A sinners mark
Gashes open, running, on my wrist
A sinners mark
Mark of the beast
I cry
Sound splitting from tangibility
Fingers clutching at empty air

Who can look upon God
Who can know him
When he waited for me
Called me, by name
Who can spit in his face
Do not we all
Curse and swear
Spelling out our anger
Humanity is fickle
We are all fools here
Washing our feet
In the sweat of our brow
Pride is an anvil to the foot of success
You carve your gods into the mountain
Beg then to come down
To call down rain
To bring you up to the throne
If they seat you on their throne
Then you know they are made by man
Not you, you are made by hand
Tears of God still run
In the valley where he named you

We are peasants.
Tearing the hair from our own head
As if it clothed the tabernacle
When the cross was erected
The skull you hold between your hands
Is the holy of holies

Here we dance
Descrating each other in the name of love, lust and wanderlust
******* our fingers into locust and honey
That it would drip off your lips
A gluttons lies are no sweeter
Than the lies you hide under your tongue

The plates are shifting
Who will remember my name
The sun will dry me
I am dust again

I can pour myself into the world
Since you have run over in me

I say your name like a prayer
The last thing I sing before I die
I press the beads to my lips
And the tears I cry

If you cannot love me in this lifetime
I will ask you in the next
Chasing your gentle soul
Across time’s expanding galaxies
My atoms will search for you

If you cannot bear to love me then
Wait, until I am reborn
Until I am reincarnated as water
Until you drink me from the river
Through cupped hands

For 3 eternities I held my breath
Baited this moment on your lips
Waiting to be devoured
Purge yourself of me while I am pure
Let me fill you, satiate your thirst

This is not my first life
Only my first time living
Consume me, gentle spirit
I am yours
I am alive