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ALL things uncomely and broken, all things worn out
and old,
The cry of a child by the roadway, the creak of a lum-
bering cart,
The heavy steps of the ploughman, splashing the
wintry mould,
Are wronging your image that blossoms a rose in the
deeps of my heart.
The wrong of unshapely things is a wrong too great
to be told;
I hunger to build them anew and sit on a green knoll
apart,
With the earth and the sky and the water, re-made, like
a casket of gold
For my dreams of your image that blossoms a rose in
the deeps of my heart.
Kurtis Emken Sep 2012
Wake up, stare out your jagged window at the yellow-green, creeping mist that pours through the suburbs.  Taste darkness inside a spit shined, stream lined dank tank that your roommates call home.  Shower and be appalled at just how unshapely you have gotten, your body a testament to your diet of Wendy’s and alcohol.  Go to your dream crush, thankless job and stand at attention as the human flesh wave moves blankly through aisles and registers, even as they pretend that they are not the target market.  Watch as they consume ferociously violent DVDs and smart devices at discount prices.  Stand startlingly still and pray to God that they are like Tyrannosaurus and can’t see movement.  Realize you are a ******* idiot because you get your facts from movies.  Feel fear and dread make a shrapnel nest in your stomach when you understand that this might be the best that you can do.  Frame count with fellow claustrophobic agoraphobics and call that pointless perfection pursuit escape.  Desperately have twisted, quasi-acrobatic *** with every woman that is willing, but not so secretly wish they were that somewhat mousy, yet charming, grad student who makes your coffee every morning.  Try to shrink into her pocket, invisible, only an absent touch away.  Hope that someday you can intervene in her life positively so she notices you there.  Go to sleep and breathe in that yellow-green vapor that reacts with your cells and becomes a clean cancer.  Rinse, repeat and pray for that big break.
love
aghast
at its own
separation


curds from
whey
drifting
up into
unshapely
neglected
kernels


drifting up to
a wide distance
in their broth
of once-
togetherness


weeping
energy
like a
milky
wound


expectations
of gushing
romance
seep out
and down


sunk to the
bottom


to never
feel
alone


to never
feel
lost


to never
feel
grown
or
responsible
for it all


sunk right down
to the
bottom


buoyancy
independent
rising up


I take care
of my
self


alone
purposeless
drifter
bulbous
love nugget




© 2017 Adelaide Heathfield
Real life love is not like fairy tale love. It does not absolve a person of their responsibilities, their cares, their troubles. It doesn't make it so that nothing bad ever happens. And it isn't often romantic.

Giddy-eyed passion inseparable is replaced by an ever-deepening friendship of two independent people. Love solves no problems. It only makes life richer and more complicated.
Star Gazer Sep 2016
Spring time dew drips onto a blossoming bud
Each a piece of sustenance for a growing life
Enchanted by a combination of mere light
It starts to sprout leaves and stand firm.

They exclaimed of the beauty of a poppy
I knew little on flowers nor its effect
For all I could see did not reflect
the true art of growing a flower.

I watched the flower open up;
it's petal pushed pride upon its stem
But I knew little on flowers once again
And all I could see held no value.

The flower spoke to me by the breeze
A gentle aroma to remind me to 'open up'
and most nights, a poem is merely close enough
But coated words can only confuse the soul.

So I open up to you

You who have told me to **** myself
As though you build a life raft
and with blinding rage labeled it help
only to ever refuse me a seat.
You told me I was dressed like a furniture
as though wood and fabric could ever
equate to the spirit and soul of a man,
because the soul of a man can grow infinite
And in that brief second, that brief minute
your words left your mouth; you fired artillery
a mistaken hatred poured from your lips
to those who may have unshapely hips
to those who found it harder to deal with you
than it was to sit a ******* calculus exam.
...
It didn't have to be this way;
you didn't have to find those things to say,
as though the way I'm dressed
was only ever meant to impressed blind hearts
so you found time to tear me apart
just because I had on clothes that did not match yours
nor did dress as though I was built to mop floors
but I dressed as I liked.
I dressed as I liked
And after meeting you
an infinite closet
became minimised to
'Maybe I'll just stay inside'
and life became an everyday game of
hide and seek where those hiding
didn't really know what they were hiding from.
I've seen your smile as I let out a single sigh
between broken words, you tainted my spirit
And you burned fires with something fierce.
'I did not get hurt by your words',
I'll tell myself over and over
hoping that maybe this chapter has a closure
so I awake to every morning, avoiding your stares
hoping that you weren't there
because out of all the places you could be
you demolished your way into my world
and fired trajectories of hate only to ever make one mistake
you never really took the time to know me.

Those words didn't hurt me...
I kept telling myself that...
And those artillery made no impact...
I kept telling myself that...
hoping that none of it were true
that you were wrong
because out of all the pain I felt
it all originated from you.

I didn't know I was supposed to cry at a joke
...
Oculi Oct 2022
A lukewarm pile of fresh *****
And the scattered pieces of a broken heart
Or some other wildly clichéd dross
A vague color between green and grey
Maybe some recent cigarette butts
In it are uncomfortable memories
Immortalized vindictive shards of the past
A boot print to assert the endless shame

Nothing positive is ever in *****
It's a relief of pain and dullness
It contains the distilled essence of heartache

I haven't thrown up in years
I must have so much pent up waste in me
Waste of the self, garbage of the soul
Unholy, rancid, putrid, odorous *****
Or am I perhaps forgetting something?

There is tranquil solitude in *****
Isolated, cold, mechanical self-reflection
Representations of pathetic shame
Cruel hatred in regurgitated carrots and corn
No disgust except that which the perceiver suggests

What point is there in disgust and regret then?
The ugly and incapacitating truth escaped

Perhaps the reason I do not, is because I am!
Quetzal, the drunken ***** of the Holy Spirit
Reflecting all the disgust God hides
Transposed onto unshapely fractures
Cavities and chasms, gaping on the cloth of Eden

Become as *****, lukewarm and odorous!
The purest and cleanest reflection of God's adoration
Nicole Sep 2018
Panic and manic sadness are two married troubles
The pair loves each other and hates to be apart
Because they love each other so much
Their home, once a shell, is now shattered

Because they love each other so much,
Their home is unworthy of them
A vessel, grotesque and unshapely
Yet with innards pure and pearly

The lovers stay to themselves
After all, the world that girts them is unsightly
Full of sadness, evil
and the scariest shadow in the inverted box
Love of another
Brian McDonagh Apr 2018
“We’re gonna move?!” was the plot twist
In the remake comedy “Cheaper by the Dozen.”
Never would I have thought, though, that in 2007,
In the family room of 170 Wildflower Creek Drive,
My mother would propose the idea of moving
To us three children.

The idea of moving was exciting yet scary to me,
Being still under double digits in age.
The split-foyer house had always been my default refuge,
Where I always felt drawn to, if ever distant for however long.
The closet under the split-foyer stairwell, the red basement carpet,
The flowery wall paper tracing the walls of the second floor.
Knees bent on the off-white couch cushion in the family room
Spying on our front yard and the rows of houses,
Which columned to infinity from what I could see.
Friendly get-togethers, a Super Bowl XL bash, birthday parties,
The Japanese Juniper rooted towards the up-slanted corner of the black-tinted fence.
Our backyard’s deck with stairs, all that I would soon have to desert
For what seemed best at the time.
A room to myself sounded like a luxury,
But a lot of times, when things seem too good to be true in life,
I ponder if any strings are ever attached, invisibly at work.

All that we owned that had any contact with the McDonagh name,
Except for what kept the house together,
Either entered storage for an interim period of house-searching
Or tagged along to the Sun Crest apartments off Route 11-South.
I never thought I’d see our basement’s two-door, internally connected closet
Emptied and spacious enough to make circular paths in-and-out.
I remember the night that my family and I officially rode away
From the neighborhood property.
The glowing heart of the house, the foyer’s brown chandelier,
Discoed yellow-brown, unshapely-stretched reflections of light
Through the indented individual crystal-like brown glass
That cocooned the non-majestic lightbulbs inward.
As our van and family pulled away from the driveway,
Like the south pole of a magnet from the north pole,
All I had left to offer the house that provided me shelter and memories
Was a “this-isn’t-fair” glance as I leaned my head in the back seat of the van,
Resting my glasses on the backseat window as if some magnetism
Penetrated the glass to remind me that bonds, whether in science or love,
Don’t break easily.

In the summer of 2008, my family and I made the best
Out of the small apartment space,
Though thoughts of Wildflower Creek still lingered.
Many distractions befell me, however:
My 11th birthday party that July, jogging around our apartment building,
Video games, other visits with friends,
And, I cannot forget, the many houses I had to explore in the area
Before my parents settled on one and were not outbid by others.
Even though today I would not mind touring houses,
My mind was a million miles away from wanting to foot around stairs and rooms,
Even though it was necessary.

By the end of August 2008, we collectively agreed upon a house
And had many close neighbors help us move into a new familial abode.
The postal address claimed the area to be part of Kearneysville,
Though on the outskirts of Martinsburg.
This house, bricked-faced with touches of burgundy,
Was favored according to the equidistance
Regarding most of our out-of-house activities.

Assuredly enough, I have well-acquainted myself with this location by now,
My eyes always wanting to look out my bedroom window
To see the array of the day: the appearance of the outdoor skies,
The apex of the Veterans Affairs’ chapel building,
The gray fence of our posterior neighbor,
Two slender black-walnut trees intimately planted next to each other.
The Veterans Affairs facility’s bugle blows always annoyed me every 8 a.m.,
But, 10 years later, that’s the least of my troubles and I rarely hear it anymore myself.
At this point, I cannot tally all of the blessings that have entered this house
And that have come from establishing new roots under a new roof:
Two Pittsburgh Steelers Super Bowl appearances, the dawning growth of my outgoing spirit,
My theatre premiere, encountering new faces, learning how to drive in the Quad Graphics’ parking lot, taking advantage of new activities, visiting places I never thought I’d travel to,
The loss of our dog Jessie (2004-2013), the gaining of our present canine companion Bailey (b.2012), the election of Pope Francis, my first paid job, the arrival of the 2010’s;
My twelve-year Upward basketball legacy drew to a close in this Kearneysville residence (2004-2016); the historical election of President Barack Obama as the first president with African-American roots; even experiencing higher education in recent months.
This Kearneysville house has provided more than shelter; in its expansive vacuum and detailed
Indentations where potential dust may cling, this house has provided me
With the rest I need to continue life;
This house has helped me see
The profound blessing of the simple, ordinary mandatories.
In this house, I have been taught and disciplined
To implement my stewardship, to care with my own hands and being
In the hope that this dormant structure will continue to provide support
For my family circle and those to follow.
Sometimes I have been out the door so frequently
That this house has almost become less of “home.”

The impending decade-anniversary of family, house, and life
May never match a Rosary’s decade,
But both are met as devotions of resilience.
As a church official said,
“Home is a relationship more than a place.”
However, memories or relationships can take place
Under ceilings.
How much harder, as years progress,
Might it be to change my default houser?
Thankful for a place of shelter each day, whether I formally realize it or not.
SiouxF Nov 2020
Bucket list item,
A dream come true,
In my 50th year
An extra in a film,
Not just any film,
But big feature film with famous stars!
5:30am early start,
Breakfast in individual covid pods,
Undergarments on,
Hair and makeup,
Outer clothes on,
Boots brushed,
Creases steamed,
Lipstick touched up,
Hair curled and sprayed within an inch of its life,
Top to tail inspection,
Bussed to holding area,
Hours of waiting,
Deep and meaningful conversations,
Histories divulged,
Books devoured,
Ping pong with sellotaped paper ***** and paper plates!,
Sleeping,
3 meals a day
Preened and touched up some more,
Line up
Yet another inspection,
Walk to set.
Back to holding area.
Walk to set,
This time we’re on.
Sometimes told where to start,
Other times make it up yourself,
With very little direction.
1930’s German,
Unshapely winter coat and thick woollen tights
Looking 20 years older ******!
Walking along German street
Trams and old cars,
And mashed paper snow!,
Glancing in shop windows
As the main protagonists walk on by,
Sometimes repeat after repeat after repeat after repeat
Of 10 seconds of filming from every angle,
And others wrapped after 1-2 takes.
Freezing cold, rain, sun, never puts us off,
******* screens to block out the sun
Blue screens at the end of the street and the top of buildings,
Sheltering from the rain in shop doors in between takes,
Bonnets on, masks on,
Get in position, bonnets off, masks off.
“Rolling” they shout,
Klaxon sounds,
“Action vehicles”,
“Action background”,
“Action”
Here we go again.

— The End —