being a poet is not planned

~for Gabriella Garcia~

~~

a sixteen old soul says she understands,
being a poet is not planned,
forcing an old mans re-collection of the first time,
he made love to a virginal white
papyrus with muscles trembling,
body bent, chest bursting a rockets red glaring,
eyes marking the sheets with salty drip spots

what possessed the wrist veins
to wrest a cheap ballpoint pen to transfuse pain,
in a semaphore of uncoded ink blotches,
what was he thinking

was he thinking?

that it was an ejection
that it was an *******
that it was a tribulation expiation
that it was a tribute explanation?

that it was an injection
that it was a circumspection inspection
that it was a circumscision surgery of emotional complexion
excising an infection with a written genuflection?

try, but no might, the first is subsumed
by the thousands that followed dutifully
though his one poem  flawless, expertly recalled,
it will always be the next,
and unplanned just like this one too

who anointed his brow, the hair and forehead,
with oil pure, dripping down onto, into his cut cain marker,
who is not answering a query relentless
is this his plan, his appointment,
is this his flawed excellence,
is this his imperfect penance perpetual?

knowing well and full
now

the unplanned is his plan,
it’s his faceted flaws
that refract his coloraturas

~~

upon this he reflects,
praying that
god protect the
young poets
from planning
____
https://hellopoetry.com/poem/2893127/unplanned

since i turned into a nocturnal creature i’ve changed a bit,
i started the theological arithmetic:
(right hand) thumb, index, *******(s) -
january february march,
ring, pinky & pinky (left hand) -
april may june,
ring middle index (left hand)
july august september -
thumb (left hand) thumb and index (right hand)...
of yes, intelligent design...
now make a hole using your thumb & index finger,
then ensure your thumb goes in & out from that whole...
like god, say: oh ****... i forgot the piston!
guess what’s the slang term for a russian in polish?
kacap.
guess what’s the slang term for a german in polish?
szwab (shvab) /
i know, i too wish it was sax...aphone.
guess what’s the slang term for a dwarf in polish?
karakan.
but i said, there are really two branches from the 20th
century growing into the 21st century,
there’s the proustian branch that’s a cul de sac...
and there’s the joycean branch, that leads to ezra pound et al.,
finnegans wake (which i have read) i can a 50p with an invention
of a terminology: uncoded phoneticism, i.e.
alpha bravo charlie delta echo, only because:
prirates’ aye, eye and lie and high sounded pretty much the same
even though they were spelled differently.
uncoded phoneticism means you use a coding of language
from thought / silence in a way that elevates it
from the standard usage, from novelty interests
of a righteous narrator crafting new characters...
of course your writing will appear chaotic... but in reality
it will not be... trust me... i simulated paranoid schizophrenia
for seven years... fooled three psychiatrists
and regained a chance to provoke.
nicholas ii is smiling at me from a banknote i own,
and i have a kopek’s worth of currency from dostoyevsky’s times.

for Jeannie Kristufek Hawrysz who once quoted me Shakespeare -
"Of all the words in the universe, when stated thrice, only one royal above all gleams best, an uncoded mathematical tripartite repetitive stating:
love love love this."
----------------------------

third attempt and just not happening
then recall a Ben Folds hand-me-down
heard on Tuesday, passed onto me by Sara B.
about writer’s block

“Kick the editor out of the room”

the best don’t even flow,
they fall out of ya, rough and tumbling,
screaming did ya get that,
are ya keeping up,
you can be the self-editing-I need-perfection roadblock
or the delivery guy, the one with the towel and the scissors, who brings ya a clean new baby, and/or a veggie pizza,
which ya gonna pick?

another nougat nugget:
when you’re stuck, write about the block,
what’s sticking you; one would have thought
some one thousand five hundred poems later,
this one would have been midwifed a long, long time ago,  
but at 4:32am, it’s all I got

rather than throw false news confetti on myself
from the rafters that don’t exist in a citified apartment,
I’ll reward myself with some
rock n’ pop,
a revisitation to the scene of the crime, and listen quiet like and maybe leak back to prone sleep,
in hopes that the rest of the gang,
hoping the words to a  poem-in-transit,
“confetti is just tomorrow’s garbage”
gets off at my dreamy new subway stop


should the wordy birdies shotgun come sneaking in
thru the correct ear
i.e. not the sunken pillow one,
so I have half a fat chance of
recalling its dimensions in an hour, 
when I wake up-officially,


fat chance

later, like 4:56am

https://hellopoetry.com/poem/2471979/confetti-is-just-tomorrows-garbage/

1000 pieces of a puzzle
from 1000 different sets.
Hours of mutilating work
decoding an uncoded message
from a bottle that was broke
by a steel nosed pelican.
Senseless waves of awe
washed upon the shore
roaring with speechless sound
to destroy your ingenuity.
Brand new state of mind:
let the illusions run wild
through a forest of mystery.
Full of Trees of Creativity
that stimulate the leaves
that rustle with your ideas.
In lieu of staring at confusion
let confusion stare at you
and make sense to yourself.
Brand new state of mind:
let your intwined thoughts
rewind like a fishing reel.
See the puzzle for what it is;
not a contorted story,
but the story of your life.
Put them in perspective
and look in a kaleidoscope
to see the pieces of the puzzle
magnificently arranged together
to paint a splendid picture
engraved in your brain forever.

You: it is 2:10 am
Me:  Eastern Standard Mystical Time, yup...
You: why are you up, writing?
Me: the drugs wore off
You: *** the drugs?
Say it ain't so, kiddo?
Me: yup, I did engage
with some strong stuff
ce soir, the woman too,
and she is drowning in her dreams.
Easy and cheap,
scored some us some................
Asian Fusion
Thai Food, Indonesian small plates...

You: idiot!
Me: just answering your question
You: so where is this poem, shaman?
Me: You!
You: Me?
Me: yup.
You are my early morning poem,
which I have entitled Notification: You!

Notification

I am deeply unsure.

Am I notifying you,
or am I notifying myself?

Lost command of my
native language,
the emotions too strong,
Blue Java
the color of my word blood,
strong swirling,
uncontaminated by cow's milk,
but by cows jumping over the moon,
who have come to give me gifts of
Notifications.

Hey ****** ******,
The Cat and the fiddle,
The Cow jumped over the moon.
The little Dog laughed,
To see such sport,
And the Dish ran away with the Spoon

Perfectly clear to me.
I am the Spoon,
You are the Dish.

(Shaman, Shaman, hey man,
you still sound drugged,
we urgent need some clarifications!)

When I wake up,
uncertain about a slew,
a portmanteau
of important life~things,
(Example: when should I
Capitalize a word,
a life, a me, a You?)

there are strangers,
Strangers still,
yet strangers no more,
sending me uncoded messages
intended to decode me,
Notifications,
they are called,

and they
Explode me.

capsules of comments
that encapsulate me,
emasculate my speaking abilities,
reduced to rolling in the gutter,
guttural cries to emit and utter,
man, I got friends I never met,
and that's ok
we just notify each other
thinking of you
and no more words necessary

life is groovy...

And i cant rite about politics
Unless i plan on being a poetic
Political journalist.
Also, i must keep away from the inconsistencies of religion
And i have to stop b reaking words up
Because words arent to be uncoded
And i cant rite about *** because its bad.
Unless i plan on being a ****** therapist.
But its okay to talk ****
About hackers because everybody abhors them.

When I told you I love you it was not an ok to destroy me.
Love is not a synonym for "please **** me " it is uncoded it is pure and unhidden.
When I told you I love you I didn't mean I wanted to burn.
Because being with you only brought me hell.
When I told you I love you I simply meant that you are everything I think about when im daydreaming
You were  the reason I woke up in the morning
You were the reason my life had meaning.
But not anymore
You are the reason I can't get out of bed
You are what I think of in nightmares
You are the reason my life seems so  meaningless.

eyes like a secret
revealed only in the sun
hands like a mystery
untold by the touch
smile like riddle
uncoded only by one

I don't have to listen to you
Does the protagonist ever mention his parents?
All you are
Is an NPC
Railroading me
Keeping me away from all that's uncoded
I want to go there
See the glitches
Be in the world unseen
So stop telling me what to do
I know my own path is worthless
Yes
No
Leave my decisions to the whim of the player
The player at least knows better than you

Vancouver Island is a private widow who,
Julia, lives with her best asteroids. I need a tree.
Athletes in different parts of the dream,
and their clothes are safely locked and bugged.
The Vancouver Island is a private widow,
Julia, lives with her best asteroid. I need a tree.
Athletes in different parts of dreams,
And their clothes are locked and dated safely.
Order Lame New Family Sporting Game
Blue Bridge model, Blue Knight Memories,
Australia, Australia's poverty is beautiful.
Empty and fish. Newer stars are a sudden
change in York, Robert Sober News, White,
Gold, Turks around the world, Dutch
and Canadians. The authorities will win
as soon as possible. Robertson,
New York, Beach, Sports and public
meetings; And women's clothing,
food, Pharmacy and full study Uli,
French Blue, Feedra, Sugar,
Already in Canada, the Greek Blue
Planet, Australia and Australia
And Britain, New Zealand
and the South America, Europe
and the American film
Gazpakhalta Doma Kiki ibertchi
Ezigis fresh blood blue hair
And Canada, Australia and Australia
New Crossword Zelda l Strelia,
Posters, English, English, English,
English, English, English, South America,
American Literature Ecolasia Dorsey
Blair. The best beauty of desert heavy
It's fresh and easy to drink and drink.
A young woman in Australia, Australia
Australia Vendo is a widow of a man.
I need a wooden plate. A mysterious
one; Gradually the script is unexpected
Revolution in food packaging.
Star star star night Yura Robert
Charity New York: Seafood
with seafood, sports club, Outline,
Famous Clothes, British society,
women, Bread and puppies
in healthy meadows. It is real
and we now believe in life
Definitely in France,                                                          ­there is a new book.
Black, Caucasian, Chinese, Gold,
Greek, big blue, and in our world,
In Canada, forever, always,
as soon as possible. Big parents,
men and women, Weekly music from Billy
and Africa, Australia and New Zealand,
wallpaper link, Great Britain
and South America, United States
and Europe Dumaiki Ebberchetti
Elephant Holmes Cats Better appetizing
drinks. The English schools, hair, skin
and blood are simply and quite blue,
born in Australia, Australia, Vendo,
And a beautiful young widow.
I need wood and shrimp The unexpected
scenario contains unexpected
revisions to the cookie. The star
star of Stella Star is in Yura,
Robert New York, Stella Stella,
Located in the sea. New book
Black, Caucasian, Chinese, Gold,
Greek, blue, Dutch, Canada, forever,
Permanently as fast as possible
Grandparent and grandmother,
Women and older women,
Mel Week Billy Music and Africa,
Australia and New Zealand,
posters, The United Kingdom
and South America, United States
and Europe Dumaiqusu Iberite
elephant food rustic cats.                                                    Blue sky desert sky
Yunus lamaka yeh blue swan
Beiji Yahya Jianzhu Order Lem
New Family Game Sporting
Model Blue Bridge, Canada Red,
Blue Night Memories, Australia,
Australia Poverty is beautiful.
Empty and fish. Late New Stars
is a sudden change in York,
Robert Sober. New, white, gold,
Turkish, Dutch and global Canadian
authorities will win as soon
as possible. Robertson, New York,
beaches, sports and public meetings
and women's clothing, food,
pharmacy and full Uli studies,
French blue, Phedra, sugar,
Greek blue planet as early as Canada,
Australia as well as in Australia
and Britain, the News Zealand
and South America, Europe
and the film USA gazapkhulta Douma
Kiki ibertchi ezigis fresh blood meat
blue hair and canada, australia, australia
greek blood island l stralia
in new zealand, posters, uk, england,
english, English, English, English,
South America, USA eikolisa
Dorsey Blair Chronicles of the beriyana
desert The best beauty is fresh
and easy to drink and drink.
A young woman in Australia,                               Australia,
Australia, is a widow of Vendo, a man.
I would like a wooden slab.
An uninterrupted sequence scenario
contains an unexpected revolution
in food packaging. Star Star Star
Night Star Yura Robert Charity
New York: Seafood from the sea,
sports clubs, outlines, famous clothing,
sleeping British society, women,
bread and puppies in healthy meadows
are real and now we believe that life
in France is guaranteed, it's a new book.
Black, Caucasian, Chinese, Golden,
Greek, Big Blue, and in our world,
in Canada, forever, forever, as soon

as possible.
Big parents, men and women,
Billy's Music Weekly and Africa,
Australia and New Zealand,                                         Connecting Wallpaper,
Great Britain and South America,
United States and Europe. Dumaiqiqi
Iberatchetti Elephant Cats Homemade
dishes Best Beauty Yesterday Drinks
Born in Greek schools, hair,
skin and blood easy
and perfectly blue, Australia,                                               Australia, Wendo,
and a beautiful young widow.
I need wood and shrimp.             The uncoded script contains an unexpected revolution in the cookie.
The Star Star Star of Stella Star at Yurra,
at Robert New York, Stella Stella,
located in the sea. new book.
Black, Caucasian, Chinese, Golden,
Greek, Blue, Dutch, Canada, forever,
forever, as fast as possible.                        Grandparents,
women and elderly women,
Billy Music Weekly Post and Africa,
Australia and New Zealand, posters,
United Kingdom and South America,
United States and Europe.                                                          ­     Dumaiqusu
Iberatchetti Cats Elephant Rustic food
Not headed Blue sky Desert desert
Yunus Lamaca                                          Yae Blue Swan Beiji Yahya Jianzhu