"regaurdless" poems
Do you ever want to down?
Like, just ******* drown.
Maybe someone could hold me down
It feels good to drown
I am forced to make the bad decisions
like there was no option for good
I know it's self sabatoge
But man it feels good
You see,
The effort is the stressor
So hold me down
Please hold me down
I don't want to think right now
Because if you don't hold me down
I'll swim
For how long?
-don't know.
Where?
-don't know.
Will I make it?
Will anyone care?
If I try to swim and don't make it, will anyone care?
Or
--wait---
I mean ridicule.
Will they ridicule me?
See,
That's why I need you.
Because it's all on you.
It's not my fault if I drown
If your hand pushes me down
I'll think about the stars I'll never see
I wouldn't see them regaurdless
Blacked out reality is quite easy
Swishing dreams in my mouth is easy
...
But if your arm gets tired
And I'm too hard to sink
Maybe we could swim together?
Sep 6, 2019
Sep 6, 2019 at 12:56 AM UTC
Every once in a while,
Something strange happns.
I dream.
Sometimes, I’m not asleep.
Dreams are everything you want, but just can’t have.
I dream of the past.
I go through old notebooks amd folders, work that has consumed hours of my life.
It reminds me of happier times.
So, I sit on the floor and I dream.
Every once in a while.
I have courage.
I build up the strength to sit and listen as I'm told everything i'm not and everything I could be, or at least could have been.
I build up courage to talk when all my throat and mouth wants me to do is shut up.
Every once in a while,
I can't take any more.
The tears run down my face for reasons unknown to myself and the rest of the world.
I am a shell.
Empty.
Void of anything remotely human.
I put earbuds in to make myself look busy, but no music is playing.
I listen as people around me question me and my existence as I sit and pretend not to hear.
Every once in a while, regaurdless of all the displeasures,
I don't mind and I am happy.
These periods are more brief, so I grasp them tightly as they begin to fade and try to hold on.
On one of these rare occasions, I found love.
and every once in a while,
they tell me they love me.
And from that every once in a while...
I feel Joy.
Feb 9, 2015
Feb 9, 2015 at 11:38 AM UTC