some people feel anxious a lot
some people feel overly tired all the time
some people have anger issues
some people enjoy life
some people are happy, or sad, or mad
but i am numb

when i wake up, i am numb
i stay in my room because i feel numb
i cry to try and feel something, anything
but i suddenly stop because feelings are exhausting

i hate going to school because my friends give me ****
i already get enough at home, i dont need it here too

its like everyone has their place in this school and im floating around groups
its hard to be happy when you work so hard to make everyone else happy
its hard to laugh when youre always making sure everyone else is laughing

they dont realize how easy it is to fake a smile
to tell a lie for the sake of their feelings
to act like you are just fine

they dont realize that when i look the happiest is when i feel the numbest

Love will always be but a complicated high,
But a lovely euphorical and addicting ******,
Oh so lovely and blissful you want at all cost,
Never seeing the real problem,
But when it finally hits you like knife to the gut,
You bleed out your essence of life and ability.

I just want to be carried by this deadly lethal high that it gives,
But at what cost only my life,
I can give that up and it will simply be gone,
Like an addicts money and pride,
I will disappear socially as if my friends left me,
But in painful truth i left them all behind.

I want to be wanted, i want to be the addiction,
Not just the addict but its not so simple ,
As it makes you feel good its just using you,
Like the ***** uses money slowly ******* you away,
It keeps you alive by draining your life you make it wanted,
You make it exist, as it makes you slip away,
To a cold dark world that seems like home away from worry,
The real worry is the only thing left in life,
The cold serpent slithering in your veins,
Suffocating your heart in the numbest pain possible.

It was the door, it was my mind.
My heart is bounding, my voice became blinding.
My jaw is the numbest
No one, not even the rain could've heard me.
Could I have even spoken to myself?
I tried, I tried, I swear I tried.
My voice was not loud enough.
I became aimless.
All I hear is the silence, it is so loud and eager.
My ears tingle with static, my tongue hides in fear.
The shutting of my eyes hurt, it's almost unbelievable how awake I was.
I can not close my eyes

I walked slowly,
taking each step

and tracing my fingers along his bloodied body
along the abomination that still lived atop my table.

Each finger felt the contours of a stringy muscle,
fat and bone left exposed to the open air,
the filthy dust clotted air.

“Death is close, I am so close to you that soon all will be darkness.”

I bent over his slack face.
The single light swung from side to side
revealing each side of his face in turns.

I bent so close
and smelt the metallic blood,
and to his lips a pressed my own.

The firm translucent skin opened slightly
and with it consciousness burst forth
through a scream that could double over even the numbest of men.

“Shhhhh, hush now baby.”
I smoothed back his hair
entangling a lock between my encrusted fingers.

I licked the blood from his face,
drinking in the clotted blood from his mouth,
******* the scream before it came,
rubbing his grainy tongue against my own
until they were raw.

I sat on his chest
holding his face,
cupping his chin
squeezing till his cheeks came together.

Oh and that fear!
The utter hatred he held for me
then made me want to kiss him again,
whisper meaningless utterances in his ear.

On impulse I stuck my nail into his left eye.

It came out with a ‘pop.’
I laughed again much like before.

The scream this time was loud,
more of outrageous surprise than of pain,
which came afterwards
in a low moan and pathetic cry.

I could imagine the dull pain
coupled with the sharp pain of his raw legs.

He was indeed a monster,
my own child.
Like me he found some want
of his torture and torturer.

In the deep recesses of his mind
he wanted for me to take him.
This would make the pain so complete.

Ripping out his eye
I trailed it down his chest,
circling it around each ******
before I threw it across the room

watching it bounce
then roll
to a stop against the crumbling brick wall.

I took him then in my mouth
tasting the blood and sweat
until again he became hard,

and with a grudging moan from his lips he came
and again I cupped it in my hands and made him drink.

Ingloriously he choked and died.

9:57 PM,
she's the numbest she's ever been in her life.
her body aches with a pain that she can no longer feel,
and her mind refuses to rest, to mend, or to heal.

she lies in her bed as she tries to sleep her life away and she hears the voices,
she prays that they will not stay.
she hears them settle, as they begin to loudly talk.
and then she wonders,
"how the **** will i make it to three o'clock?"

So so so disconnected/
Poltergeist with the numbest hands/
Life's a video game/
And phantom limbs don't button bash/
Shot by a cop/
My soul did the running man/
Can't tell if it's now or later/
Non-playable character/
Glitched out/
Stuck in a wall, and can't get out/
There's something in my brain/
That gets switched on/
Sunken place/
And I cannot save you/
I'm just a ghost in the shell of a caveman/
Flailing in an ocean of paint/
Islaamic heart/
Junk heavy in our veins/
Leftover cold turkey/
Double brass knuckle sandwich again/
Cut off mid-sentence/
Head spinning like a ceiling fan/
But that's what I get/
For unleashing the kraken/
King Kong still perched on my back/
Heard it snap/
Cockroach aqualung/
Stockpiling cigarettes for the apocalypse/
Negative negative positive/
Math rock paper scissor kick/
Random hill to die on, fool/
Modern day Sisyphus/
Submerged in watercolour./