the way mental health is treated really bothers me,
you shouldn’t want to be
depressed
or anxious
because you think its trendy or fun.
disorders are not adjectives you can just spew out at your leisure,
they are real things that hurt people and ruin lives.

you shouldn’t fear telling your friends,
your parents,
your lover,
that you might have a serious problem,
that you are worried about yourself.

you’re not sick or broken,
you might need help but that doesn’t make you a bad person,
right?

you shouldn’t be scared to see a doctor,
to see someone that can help you,
simply because you don’t want to be characterized as:
"they just couldn’t handle the pressure",
"why are you doing this to us?",
"you just want attention",
the walking freak show.

with all your faults,
character flaws,
every cell and every misconnected neuron,
you are still a human being.

As we drift away, pulled
Apart by the centrifuge,
I wonder why the rope that was meant
To hold is together,
No longer does.
But I know why.
It stretched and twisted
And then, lacking care and
Attention, slowly
Frayed, until the rope was but
A few tenuous threads.
Seeing this we knew not to
Reverse what had happened.
We could have built a new rope,
There was still time;
But we chose to watch mutely
As each thread snapped in turn
And withered away.

At first sight/
I fell in love
and I knew that
something wasn't right./
The temptation to stare
was hard to fight/
and thoughts of her
made it hard to sleep at night./
How gracefully she
walks the earth's crust
floods my mind like
New Orleans when the levees broke./
Leaving me up late
drowning a misconnected love
in **** smoke./
Hoping.
Wishing.
Praying
that I give up all hope./
Hoping
Wishin
Praying
that I fall out of love./
the type of love
that feels like ******* drugs/
to addicts and I've had it./
I've had it.
I've had it up to Jesus's colic.
I've had it.
All because the atrocious acts
that my heart committed./
Falling for someone
who could never be committed./
Conflicted/
because when i wanted a chance
they didn't./
Now I'm looking
like an idiot/
because I couldn't resist it./
I couldn't resist/
falling in love
before the first kiss./
I couldn't resist
falling in love
before the first kiss./
I couldn't resist
falling in love
before the first kiss./

There is no middle ground
This taking sides again

It's Adam or Eve
She, deceived
He, the willful one

Once naked
Now ashamed
And misconnected

Within an
Inauguration of leaves

Sleeping upon
Thorns and thistles

The genetic defect their own
To carry forth
Children of sin and death

In the shadow
Of something now
Unattainable

It was never
About appetite

It was always
About sovereignty

I was born broken
synapses misconnected
only rerouted by the additives
from chemicals sometimes misspoken
Now I'm shattered
and the only one who can fault is that face in my mirror
I say it was the man who's namesake took on Goliath

like Goliath, he ravaged me and made me question
question who every one else saw in the mirror
but it's not his fault that I've changed
I let him start the film
the rated R film in my brain that won't leave me be
in day and in night
I scream you idiot, idiot, idiot
why? why? why?
every time I let it happen and wonder after
panting and crying what happened
what happened to Disney Movies, and Saturday shows
to happy sing-a-longs and family scriptures
traveling across the ocean to my hawa'ii to find my ohana
thinking to capture back
old lost spirits
idiot, idiot, idiot
why?why? why?
I look up at Him
I'm weak
your Mary has become a beggar
sainthood is gone
an angel has fallen and
wings have shattered
now to the next day
will I ask again, why did I  do it again?
or am I free to live again?