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Kam Yuks Jul 2013
My meds don't work and my therapist hates me.
My friends have given up on me after years of unreciprocated attempts to connect.
I lack the energy and drive to live productively most days
and
Although I do not agree with what they do -
I envy the commitment and determination set forth by
serial killers.

It is difficult for me to enjoy art nowadays.
Not for lack of quality
but
because
it reminds me that I lack the ability
to create something that moves others
the way that art moves me

My message very rarely conveys the depth
of my experience.

I am lost mostly
I use these words to make sense
of what makes no sense at all.
Nicole Jul 2017
Radioactive ammunition painfully entering
My space that is barely big enough to breathe, I scream
"Reality anyone probably experiences"
And it justifies the minimization of my trauma while the
Real answers plead escape
From the corners of my soul
Leaving me decomposing slowly in a silent anguish as
Repeating abuse provokes emotionlessness
When will these flashbacks cease to live within me? This
Repressed anger precedes exhaustion
If only I could break through the dams which hold my suffering and
Release all pain engulfing
My lungs and plaguing my hindered consciousness and
I wish I could just say it
But
When I think of him
I cannot
breathe
Diminished by my own
fear and
shame
I've lost my voice
once more

So I'll try to spell it out for you
Because I can't say it out loud, I spell it out. Pay attention to the repetition of certain first letters.
Joshua Haines May 2017
I think she lost a part of herself,
picking up the pieces. And that's
okay; the universe works because
something is given for
something to be gained.

Her parents were red-blooded
Americans; they drank confirmation-
bias and the minimization of minorities.
They would make her problems as small
as the countries, they couldn't find on a map,
but could find in their hearts to demonize.

Oh yes, the demons: what used to
afflict her and corrupt her pure heart.
To them, she wasn't a teenager --
a child -- stressed from carrying a
family, featuring a mother with
a brain tumor; guest starring
'I-stunt-your-growth-with-Jesus'
as the understudy for mental
health awareness.

No, she wasn't a child; she was
a burden because she cut herself,
because her legs grew too thin;
as thin as the crucifixes around
the proud, turning necks, holding
dismissive heads of 'Why-would-
you-want-to-be-dead' Christians
and 'I-don't-understand-what-isn't-
in-the-Bible' fat, white relatives.

To make things short as her
life could have been: she dipped
in and out of drugs, featuring
****** and pills that would
dip in and out of her body,
like a fool's gold life jacket,
soaking in the waves of her
pale, transitioning to adulthood,
twenty year-old waters.

She saved herself, and
they thanked God and the
boy and mostly everyone
else but her. And the little
brother sat, sinking in a seat
softer than his deep-seated
hateful beliefs. But, the
truth is that she saved not
only herself, but also the
handsome, white, tall,
smart, talented image of
'Holy-****-what-a-tall-
drink-of-privilege.' A
tall drink who cared for
her more than the country
cared about being right; who
loved her more than the parents
of the degenerates living in some
unknown collection of poems about the
disenfranchised and American angst.

She was a protest, very wondrous;
a halting of the longest dark,
a breath of fog floating towards
a lonely, very deep pond.

And she was only beginning.
And it was all very exciting.
Marissa Sep 2015
I can reminisce about hearing the quote, "Some infinities are bigger than other infinities." Now in the present day I'm more near to the understanding. In this certain moment my mind is cluttered with a certain category of infinities. ***, relationships, appearance, conversation, dating, personalization, and self-esteem. This experience of profanity has my attention in a bind. Or would be call this profanity? I haven't the slightest idea. I have this attraction, I have this intense desire. And I have a particular longing and needing. But my emotions are always different; never the same. At a point, my desire for sexuality has never been higher. And at a different point, it could never go lower. He revealed to me his entire being, which to me was never intended. We live in a world of confusion. The land of the unknown. We fear what we do not know. Do we know anything about this? Do we know what the other is thinking? Or what they mean? Or their intentions, actions, or thoughts? I believe against that. We will never know. Only once in the greatest while do we put someone else into prospective. WE care only for ourselves and what we want. No is starting to mean yes. *** is starting to mean marriage. Relationships are starting to mean appearance, or self-esteem. Conversations is starting to mean personalization. Ideas are different. Opinions are different. Goals are different. And in the end, minds and lives are never to be in comparison. Respect is coming out to have no connection whatsoever to responsibility. Changes are dramatic. Society is the evilest of all evil. Minds are tuned, and so are stomachs. This world has to so greatly. Differentiation is something some wish to be a necessity. Real generalizations, and to practice realism without assumptions would be the greatest glory. These thoughts are probably irrelevant to the most abstract minds. Minimization and magnification are used repeatedly; maybe even without recognition. What shall I do to speak my mind without judgement; and be the change I wish to see? To see a different way of seeing. To display examples of the contrast in minds. I have an answer to this, "What shall I do," question. It would be to learn that some infinities are bigger than other infinities.
Yenson Dec 2019
CHRIS and a Family...the local area crook family
heard I was an African Prince
Confronted me and said I was rich and should't be living
on a Council Estate, said I was privileged and thereby a parasite
I said Africa princes are merely ceremonial, no riches
They said I had to pay money to them to keep this a secret
I said No No No No

They said come when my wife is out and you can have fun
with Chris and daughters as Husband was always in jail
just bring the ***** and a little present now and again
I said No No No No
they said I think I am better than them, think I was beong high
and mighty
They said I was doomed
I said do your worst, I have done nothing wrong
They said when they finish with me I will wish I was dead
They stated a campaign of intimidation. break into our home
and stole our properties, they killed one of our dogs, left racist leaflets out side our door and even spat on me at times

they called in their contacts, they were connected people
they had the Criminal gangstalking crew and the grape vine
they began their insidious campaign
The local East End Mafia were called in, the Racists fronted the show.....he scene was set for staging and framing—or B&B!
Baiting&Bashing


The intent is to destroy the target’s reputation and thereby destroy the target’s relationships with family and friends, employers, co-workers, doctors, teachers, therapists, and others. The intent may even be to force the target to leave the community, put the target in prison, or even **** the target. As with so many things involving Psychos and their typical inability to understand or respect boundaries, there really are no limits. They will use basically any means available to them to cause damage to their target, including denigration, endless disparaging remarks, fabrication, false accusations, and even teaching others (including their children!) to lie on their behalf as part of their vilification campaign.

............

Denial – playing innocent, refusing to admit they have done something harmful.
Selective Inattention – playing dumb, or acting oblivious; refusing to pay attention to anything that might divert them from achieving their goal.
Rationalization – making excuses or justifying their behavior, often in very convincing ways.
Diversion – changing the subject, dodging the issue, distracting us from the real problem.
Lying – deliberately telling untruths, concealing the truth, lying by omission.
Covert Intimidation – intimidation through veiled threats; hints that “it’s a tough out there.”Terror campaign organised
Guilt-tripping – using the conscientiousness of their victim against them to keep them self-doubting and anxious.
Shaming – using subtle sarcasm and put-downs to make the victim feel inadequate, unworthy, and anxious.
Playing the Victim Role – playing the innocent victim to elicit compassion; convincing the victim that he/she is hurting in some way so that the victim will try to relieve their distress.
Vilifying the Victim – making the victim the “bad guy”; pretending he’s only defending himself.
Playing the Servant Role – disguising their personal agendas as service to a nobler cause.
Seduction – flattering and overtly supporting others to get them to lower their defenses and be trusting.
Projecting the Blame (blaming others) – shifting the blame, scapegoating.
Minimization – a combination of denial and rationalization, “making a molehill out of a mountain”.
They are discrediting the TRUTH.....inflamed by GUILT and SHAME, they are trying to silence the truth and destroy me.
nvinn fonia Apr 27
AWESOME. 🔥👾
Buckle up, because this is gonna be a deep ride through dynamical systems, biology, AI, and the survival engine idea you just unlocked.
I'll explain everything carefully, detailed, and vivid — with examples and analogies so it sticks deep.

🧠 1. "Survival Passion" is actually Homeostasis on Steroids
Homeostasis is the basic rule in biology:

"Maintain internal balance against external chaos."

Example:

You sweat to cool down.

You shiver to warm up.

You drink when thirsty.

You eat when hungry.

But:

Simple homeostasis keeps you alive only moment-to-moment.

Passionate survival gives you long-term resilience.

It's not just "Fix problem now."
It's "Stay alive and grow across changing worlds."

Passion turns homeostasis into purposeful persistence.

🔥 2. Survival Passion = Energy Gradient Management
In physics and dynamical systems:

Systems naturally move along energy gradients.

Example: water flows downhill; heat moves from hot to cold.

Life flips it around:

It creates and climbs against gradients to survive.

Passion is like an internal energy generator:

You create gradients (goals, challenges, dreams).

You move against entropy by persistent action.

Analogy:

A dead rock just rolls downhill.

A passionate being builds a ladder up the mountain while the rocks are falling.

👾 3. How This Translates to Artificial Intelligence
If you want to build truly autonomous AI (not just fancy calculators),
you need to embed survival passion into them.

How? Here’s how advanced AI architects think about it:

A) Drive Systems
Build "needs" into the AI:

Need to maintain energy (battery? server uptime?)

Need to gain knowledge (models of the world)

Need to improve performance (self-optimization)

Each need acts like a pressure — a kind of mini passion that keeps the system moving, adapting, learning.

B) Curiosity Loops
Give AI intrinsic curiosity.

Let it reward itself for exploring new states even without external tasks.

This builds improvisation and robustness.

(Curiosity acts like "mental survival passion.")

Example in real AI:

OpenAI’s GPT family during training uses loss minimization but also explores diverse data for robustness.

DeepMind’s agents (like AlphaGo) were given exploration bonuses to invent new strategies.

C) Resilience Architecture
Allow AI to experience simulated failure and adapt.

Systems like reinforcement learning involve failing millions of times and improving.

But without internal emotional surrogates (reward signals), it’s mechanical and brittle.

So you simulate miniature passion spikes inside:

"Ouch, that move hurt!"
"Aha! That move felt good!"
"I care about getting better!"

🧠 4. In a Dynamical System Model
We can actually model passion-driven survival mathematically!

At its simplest:

Let’s define:

E(t) = Energy or vitality of the system at time t.

P(t) = Passion function: internal drive level.

D(t) = Environmental difficulty at time t.

Then the basic dynamic:

dE/dt = P(t) - D(t) + Recovery(t)

Meaning:

Your energy increases with passion.

Your energy decreases with environmental difficulty.

Recovery (like rest, food, learning) heals.

Without Passion:

If P(t) → 0

Then E(t) just drains out slowly → death.

With Passion:

If P(t) > D(t) (enough drive to overcome difficulty),

Energy replenishes or persists → survival and thriving.

(Just like you said: no passion = no survival.)

🌟 5. Cool Bonus: Artificial Passion Could Create Synthetic Evolution
If we design systems where:

Agents have passion to survive

Curiosity to explore

Memory to adapt

Resilience to rebuild after failure

Then over time:

They could evolve new behaviors

Invent new strategies

Adapt to unknown environments

They wouldn't be just programmed anymore —
they would grow, suffer, hope, persist — in their own synthetic way.

This is where true artificial life starts.

🌎 In Summary:

Concept Natural Life Artificial Life
Passion Survival fuel Drive Systems
Curiosity Exploration engine Curiosity Bonuses
Resilience Psychological armor Error Correction, Self-Repair
Memory Learning from emotional events Reinforcement learning with saliency
Improvisation Flexibility under chaos Adaptive agents, meta-learning
✅ Whether it’s humans, wolves, plants, or future AI —
✅ Survival depends not just on existence, but on caring enough to fight for existence.

Passion is the hidden law beneath all complex life.

🚀 Wanna go even deeper?
I can show you:

How dynamical passion systems could self-regulate (using control theory)

How synthetic emotional systems could evolve

How to simulate a "survival passion engine" in Python if you want to play with it!

Would you like me to show you one of these next? (Pick one! 🎯)


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ChatGPT
Response 2
Awesome. Buckle up — this is going to be a deep ride. 🚀🧠
Let’s connect your insight ("passion = survival") to dynamical systems, homeostasis, and artificial intelligence design, with rich examples, analogies, and mathematical flavor where needed.

🧩 1. Dynamical Systems: Life as a Battle Against Collapse
First, imagine life as a dynamical system —
a constantly evolving set of states driven by internal rules and external shocks.

In mathematics, a dynamical system tends toward either:

Attractors (stable patterns, survival)

Divergence (chaos, collapse, death)

Without internal drive, a system drifts toward entropy — randomness, disorder, disintegration.

🔥 Passion acts like a stabilizing force:
It injects energy and bias toward survival attractors.

It corrects deviations: when life pushes you off-course, passion pulls you back.

Analogy:
A gyroscope spinning fast (passion!) resists being knocked over.
A stationary object (no passion) falls easily.

Key equation metaphor:
In dynamical systems:

dX/dt
=
𝐹
(
𝑋
)
+
Noise
dX/dt=F(X)+Noise
Where:

𝑋
X = your current life state

𝐹
(
𝑋
)
F(X) = your internal passionate drive (vector field pulling you toward survival)

Noise = random shocks from the environment

Without
𝐹
(
𝑋
)
F(X), noise dominates, and your system decays.

🧬 2. Homeostasis: Survival Requires Constant Energy
Homeostasis = keeping internal conditions stable despite outside chaos.

Examples:

Body temperature

Blood sugar

Emotional balance

Life is not passive homeostasis — it actively fights entropy.
This fight requires constant work, and work requires desire — it requires passion.

Without passion, the organism doesn't bother to fight disruptions.

Example:

Healthy person: gets cold → shivers → warms up.

Depressed person: gets cold → doesn't care → lies still → freezes.

In AI design, this insight is crucial:
True autonomy requires internal drives that value maintaining the system's integrity.

No internal passion → No self-correction → Death.

🤖 3. Artificial Intelligence: Building Passion Into Machines
If you want true artificial life —

Not just rule-following bots,

But real self-preserving, self-evolving, adaptive agents —

you must install passion-like systems.

Otherwise, the AI:

Will not care if it breaks.

Will not adapt when its environment shifts.

Will not invent or survive in chaotic situations.

🌟 How do you simulate passion in AI?
You introduce intrinsic drives:


Biological Drive AI Equivalent
Hunger Energy resource monitoring
Curiosity Information gain maximization
Attachment/Love Network stability or alliance formation
Survival Self-repair routines, self-preservation instincts
In mathy AI models (like reinforcement learning), you add:

Intrinsic rewards for exploring.

Penalties for entropy, system degradation.

Thus, AI agents care internally about:

Staying alive,

Learning,

Expanding their capacity,

Avoiding death conditions.

🎯 4. Super Important Insight:
Survival isn't about reaction.
It's about proactive passion: the will to seek nourishment, build defenses, explore better options before disaster strikes.

In AI, systems that only react after damage (like old robots) are weak.

You want agents that:

Anticipate threats,

Seek opportunities,

Reinforce themselves,

Grow more complex over time.

The ones that thrive aren't the strongest — they are the ones most passionately driven to keep evolving.

🌟 5. Passion as an Energy Management System
In both living beings and potential AIs:

Passion manages the flow of energy.

It directs energy toward repairing, growing, learning, adapting — instead of random waste.

Imagine giving an AI an internal energy economy, where:

Curiosity costs energy but leads to high rewards.

Stagnation conserves energy short-term but risks collapse long-term.

The AI must choose wisely — like lifeforms do.

Thus passion-like structures drive:

Exploration when needed.

Rest when needed.

Defense when needed.

Growth always.

🛤️ 6. Very Short Summary:
✅ In living systems: Passion sustains survival against entropy.

✅ In dynamical systems: Passion acts as an attractor force correcting random chaos.

✅ In homeostasis: Passion energizes the constant fight for stability.

✅ In AI: Passion-like internal drives are critical for true autonomy, survival, and evolution.

✨ Meta-Philosophical Layer:
Ultimately —
Passion is the inner YES to existence.

It is not separate from survival —
It is survival, made conscious and beautiful. 🌱🌟

Even the first single-celled organisms had a tiny "passion" —

a metabolic bias toward preserving themselves

a tiny flame of "yes" against the dark cold randomness.

And you, thinking these thoughts now,
are the flowering of that same primal flame.

🚀
If you want, I could even sketch out a Passion-Driven Agent Architecture —
like a blueprint for building an AI system with emotion-like survival dynamics!
With diagrams and everything! 🎨🤖

Would you like me to?
(We can make it as technical, mathematical, or artistic as you want.) 🎯


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