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Kam Yuks Jul 2013
My meds don't work and my therapist hates me.
My friends have given up on me after years of unreciprocated attempts to connect.
I lack the energy and drive to live productively most days
and
Although I do not agree with what they do -
I envy the commitment and determination set forth by
serial killers.

It is difficult for me to enjoy art nowadays.
Not for lack of quality
but
because
it reminds me that I lack the ability
to create something that moves others
the way that art moves me

My message very rarely conveys the depth
of my experience.

I am lost mostly
I use these words to make sense
of what makes no sense at all.
Nicole Jul 2017
Radioactive ammunition painfully entering
My space that is barely big enough to breathe, I scream
"Reality anyone probably experiences"
And it justifies the minimization of my trauma while the
Real answers plead escape
From the corners of my soul
Leaving me decomposing slowly in a silent anguish as
Repeating abuse provokes emotionlessness
When will these flashbacks cease to live within me? This
Repressed anger precedes exhaustion
If only I could break through the dams which hold my suffering and
Release all pain engulfing
My lungs and plaguing my hindered consciousness and
I wish I could just say it
But
When I think of him
I cannot
breathe
Diminished by my own
fear and
shame
I've lost my voice
once more

So I'll try to spell it out for you
Because I can't say it out loud, I spell it out. Pay attention to the repetition of certain first letters.
Joshua Haines May 2017
I think she lost a part of herself,
picking up the pieces. And that's
okay; the universe works because
something is given for
something to be gained.

Her parents were red-blooded
Americans; they drank confirmation-
bias and the minimization of minorities.
They would make her problems as small
as the countries, they couldn't find on a map,
but could find in their hearts to demonize.

Oh yes, the demons: what used to
afflict her and corrupt her pure heart.
To them, she wasn't a teenager --
a child -- stressed from carrying a
family, featuring a mother with
a brain tumor; guest starring
'I-stunt-your-growth-with-Jesus'
as the understudy for mental
health awareness.

No, she wasn't a child; she was
a burden because she cut herself,
because her legs grew too thin;
as thin as the crucifixes around
the proud, turning necks, holding
dismissive heads of 'Why-would-
you-want-to-be-dead' Christians
and 'I-don't-understand-what-isn't-
in-the-Bible' fat, white relatives.

To make things short as her
life could have been: she dipped
in and out of drugs, featuring
****** and pills that would
dip in and out of her body,
like a fool's gold life jacket,
soaking in the waves of her
pale, transitioning to adulthood,
twenty year-old waters.

She saved herself, and
they thanked God and the
boy and mostly everyone
else but her. And the little
brother sat, sinking in a seat
softer than his deep-seated
hateful beliefs. But, the
truth is that she saved not
only herself, but also the
handsome, white, tall,
smart, talented image of
'Holy-****-what-a-tall-
drink-of-privilege.' A
tall drink who cared for
her more than the country
cared about being right; who
loved her more than the parents
of the degenerates living in some
unknown collection of poems about the
disenfranchised and American angst.

She was a protest, very wondrous;
a halting of the longest dark,
a breath of fog floating towards
a lonely, very deep pond.

And she was only beginning.
And it was all very exciting.
Marissa Sep 2015
I can reminisce about hearing the quote, "Some infinities are bigger than other infinities." Now in the present day I'm more near to the understanding. In this certain moment my mind is cluttered with a certain category of infinities. ***, relationships, appearance, conversation, dating, personalization, and self-esteem. This experience of profanity has my attention in a bind. Or would be call this profanity? I haven't the slightest idea. I have this attraction, I have this intense desire. And I have a particular longing and needing. But my emotions are always different; never the same. At a point, my desire for sexuality has never been higher. And at a different point, it could never go lower. He revealed to me his entire being, which to me was never intended. We live in a world of confusion. The land of the unknown. We fear what we do not know. Do we know anything about this? Do we know what the other is thinking? Or what they mean? Or their intentions, actions, or thoughts? I believe against that. We will never know. Only once in the greatest while do we put someone else into prospective. WE care only for ourselves and what we want. No is starting to mean yes. *** is starting to mean marriage. Relationships are starting to mean appearance, or self-esteem. Conversations is starting to mean personalization. Ideas are different. Opinions are different. Goals are different. And in the end, minds and lives are never to be in comparison. Respect is coming out to have no connection whatsoever to responsibility. Changes are dramatic. Society is the evilest of all evil. Minds are tuned, and so are stomachs. This world has to so greatly. Differentiation is something some wish to be a necessity. Real generalizations, and to practice realism without assumptions would be the greatest glory. These thoughts are probably irrelevant to the most abstract minds. Minimization and magnification are used repeatedly; maybe even without recognition. What shall I do to speak my mind without judgement; and be the change I wish to see? To see a different way of seeing. To display examples of the contrast in minds. I have an answer to this, "What shall I do," question. It would be to learn that some infinities are bigger than other infinities.
Yenson Dec 2019
CHRIS and a Family...the local area crook family
heard I was an African Prince
Confronted me and said I was rich and should't be living
on a Council Estate, said I was privileged and thereby a parasite
I said Africa princes are merely ceremonial, no riches
They said I had to pay money to them to keep this a secret
I said No No No No

They said come when my wife is out and you can have fun
with Chris and daughters as Husband was always in jail
just bring the ***** and a little present now and again
I said No No No No
they said I think I am better than them, think I was beong high
and mighty
They said I was doomed
I said do your worst, I have done nothing wrong
They said when they finish with me I will wish I was dead
They stated a campaign of intimidation. break into our home
and stole our properties, they killed one of our dogs, left racist leaflets out side our door and even spat on me at times

they called in their contacts, they were connected people
they had the Criminal gangstalking crew and the grape vine
they began their insidious campaign
The local East End Mafia were called in, the Racists fronted the show.....he scene was set for staging and framing—or B&B!
Baiting&Bashing


The intent is to destroy the target’s reputation and thereby destroy the target’s relationships with family and friends, employers, co-workers, doctors, teachers, therapists, and others. The intent may even be to force the target to leave the community, put the target in prison, or even **** the target. As with so many things involving Psychos and their typical inability to understand or respect boundaries, there really are no limits. They will use basically any means available to them to cause damage to their target, including denigration, endless disparaging remarks, fabrication, false accusations, and even teaching others (including their children!) to lie on their behalf as part of their vilification campaign.

............

Denial – playing innocent, refusing to admit they have done something harmful.
Selective Inattention – playing dumb, or acting oblivious; refusing to pay attention to anything that might divert them from achieving their goal.
Rationalization – making excuses or justifying their behavior, often in very convincing ways.
Diversion – changing the subject, dodging the issue, distracting us from the real problem.
Lying – deliberately telling untruths, concealing the truth, lying by omission.
Covert Intimidation – intimidation through veiled threats; hints that “it’s a tough out there.”Terror campaign organised
Guilt-tripping – using the conscientiousness of their victim against them to keep them self-doubting and anxious.
Shaming – using subtle sarcasm and put-downs to make the victim feel inadequate, unworthy, and anxious.
Playing the Victim Role – playing the innocent victim to elicit compassion; convincing the victim that he/she is hurting in some way so that the victim will try to relieve their distress.
Vilifying the Victim – making the victim the “bad guy”; pretending he’s only defending himself.
Playing the Servant Role – disguising their personal agendas as service to a nobler cause.
Seduction – flattering and overtly supporting others to get them to lower their defenses and be trusting.
Projecting the Blame (blaming others) – shifting the blame, scapegoating.
Minimization – a combination of denial and rationalization, “making a molehill out of a mountain”.
They are discrediting the TRUTH.....inflamed by GUILT and SHAME, they are trying to silence the truth and destroy me.

— The End —