I always believed scars were so beautiful,
until I became one.
A walking, breathing, talking scar - an unchanging reminder of what was and what shall never be again.

I became the scar reminiscent of our love- or rather my love because you were the definition of unrequited
and I used to like that about you - your unwaveringly selfish nature, I used to accredit it to your self belief but then I realised you got that from stripping away mine.
Bit by bit you became who you were by chipping away at pieces of my soul.
Catching the dust of all my dreams and beliefs in your hands and then sifting through it to get what you needed.

Some days you needed a lover.
You needed the heat of my hands raw against the planes of your back- which I had studied in such a neurotically engrossed manner-that surprised even you.
Other days you needed a slave, bent upon raw knees to serve your every whim
and not in a ****** sense because you made it clear that I was repulsive to you most of the time.
No,
you needed someone to serve you and worship at the temple that was your being. You needed a women to be enslaved to your love. You needed to be served and ushered and elevated with no emotional connection. You needed an unchanging commitment that only served you.  

You see, I was forever trying to be what you needed and in that attempt-that feigned attempt at what I used to believe was love, I lost myself. Wading through parts of you that you didn't even care to understand I lost myself.
Raw on my knees.
Wading barefoot through your soul.
Between the sheets- crawling towards you milimeter by milimeter only for you to move further each time.
Tracing the planes of your burning back.
That's when I lost myself,and became a scar. Evidence of all the times you hurt me in a marvelously unflinching and unforgiving way...

All of which I realised when I was destitute.
You see you used to be my home but then the season of our love expired and you threw me out and as I walked the streets of my new life, navigating what it meant to exist without you, I had an earth shatteringly glorious ephiphany - that loving you and being destitute were the same thing.

So here I am. A scar that walks and talks and breathes and the great thing about this scar is that I'm evidence of a healed wound. I am no longer raw from loving you and I am no longer lost. I'm a *** who smiles with no teeth.

8 milimeter camera
8 milimeter memory.
sneaking a finger,
maybe two,
with my sister
in the same tent.
Hope no one walks in
to ruin this I love you
moment.
Apartments, house, kids
easy as 1,2,3.
But more expensive than a New York Flat.

I want you to do so much more
Than **** me
You can use me
Any way you please
Your hands can roam more than my ***
They can caress the curve of my back
And the nape of my neck
You can whisper much sexier things
Than "I want you"
Try  "you're all I want" instead
Press me hard against your bed
As if a milimeter between us
Would **** you
Plant kisses on every square inch
Tiny marks of territory
I'm yours
Look me in the eyes
Tell me three words
I want you do so much more
Than **** me

Watching the desperate girl,
Soon to be dead,
As she raises that nine
Milimeter to her pounding head.

Her beautiful face, so
Full of tears, now
Lets loose her unbelievable fears.
She's experienced her

Most horrible nightmares,
Because she thinks that nobody cares.
Looking to the sky, now,
For the answers she's never known,

Feeling guilty of the
Hurt she's never shown.
Her finger twitches for the trigger,
Only seconds remaining,

Until she will let out all the
Frustration she's been containing.
The gun goes off with a deafening roar,
And now everyone will know why the desperate girl is no more.

You live in a cul de sac
Every house is built exactly the same
Just painted different
Some butter yellow and bright
Some a ripe tomato's skin

You don't know any of your neighbors
You don't know who lives right next to you
They have kids or something
Maybe

The newspapers are kept in a locked safe in the middle of the neighborhood
You use your digital code to pluck one out
After walking outside in the hot summer sun
You return home
Read the headlines
And smoke *** in the dining room

It takes a little while to peak

The kids come home from school
The Wife's home from work

You're spinning
You have span
You hath spun

The dust of the angel
Has blessed you with wings

They sprint away for their lives
Your three kids and only wife

But you're too fast

First you chase down your youngest
Too young and weak to even have a chance at escape
You grab him by the ankles and split him apart with your bare hands

You're out the door and tearing across the asphalt
You hear their screams but no one else is outside
And no one cares to leave their house
The middle child is no where to be seen
But the oldest is hopping over the stucco brick walls

You follow
Lawns and patio furniture
Dogs and small swimming pools
Just frightening blurs
The oldest son trips over the knarled stump of a shrub
And once again you hold both ankles
His skin and bones part
His whole body gives way
And you're a rusty plow to the wet earth
You're the sharp sickle to the golden wheat

There's only one left
You can't even remember a middle child
Was there another child

The wife is just a sprint away
Holding ancient technology
A payphone
There shouldn't be any of those left

You dig your toes in
The rubber of your boots melts and reeks
Your wife's form bends in the burning heat
But now you're there
Face to face
And instead of the ankles
You're just staring into her eyes

You see a verdant land
Green with live growth
Covered in compost and fertilizer
Trash and feces

A beautiful
Wonderful land covered in ugly waste
To flourish and bloom
To be bought and sold

You're holding her tight and sobbing
I'm scared
I'm so scared
I'm scared

She reaches in her pocket and withdraws her nine milimeter
She shoots you through the chest and your heart bursts
Your last thoughts are just drivel

The angels smile while they ruin your ******

oh I pull pieces of love thread from my soul all the time hoping just one is still attched to you

the missing is the worst part

the gaping hole of emotions where the swollen heart overflow pours

does it go where you are?

can you feel me loving you?

can you sense the way i need you near?

awash with fear and dread.

Im afraid to pull another thread,

and still i pull it, hoping each deathly milimeter draws me closer to you

are you still here?

or have you made the unkindest cut of all my cruel dear?

will you answer?

just a little tug

so I'll know

and not worry anymore

a virbrato hug carried upon this thread of ours

anything to stop this ache of mine

I miss you,

I miss you baby,

please dont play games with my head,

where are you dearest?

Im desperately yours

and terrified alone

help me love I beg,

i keep pulling out loose threads!

Hate alone is the weakest of weak
Hate wants others to have its pain and have its own clique
So it goes from house to house woman to man
Its message is never to build but just to destroy
It can never be great so it works to turn women into girls men into boys
Telling all we must destroy this ,I will swear on Bible ,5 Books of Moses,the Quran you see
For the truth means absolutely nothing to me
It is not with good you must relate
No it is with me bringing you,your pure cold hate
"But I only know love and good"
One person stands among the good
Hate replies are you going to listen to good hour by hour
Or listen to my ways and words that this moment will give you power??
With no goodness ,no kind religion hate chooses its first victim
It has fangs no more so it whispers that one is bad you would have
so much more if you destroy him
Then you can put me up to the highest
You listen, her disgusting  breath bothers you less.
You start to think yeah life is not a test
The land starts to crumble the new buildings start to rot
By now hate has whispered lies door by door to hundreds of names to the once good people
Finally they see what they have bought
Friends and neighbors almost forcibly moved out
Goodness gone with hate's whisper
Never from a good ones shout
But you listened even now one could not look forward but only see what was done not that far back
Telling people ,"Please remember when there was good"
when we were on the right track?"
Even with friends and loved ones gone the people are too afraid
to have hate whispering ill about them "I cry"
Making it so they must leave for there is no garden nor glade
Finally a good person a young girl was born
She finished college and came back not to whisper but to shout
Love ,Love ,Love is what we need we can work whats left out
We can throw hate out
The older people now had no courage or really any strength to tell
They once had good lives now they have Hell
Hate its skin rotting  in itds gold room on the roof
Eats its 3rd bucket of McChken and gives out a laugh
You had people to help you just yards away ," cut the Authority here in half"
So you will listen to me you will hear my voice
Because if you dont I may whisper and lie about you
You see now its my choice
But the young girl sent away to learn now came back
Went up to Hate and said to all the young like her "Can you help me bring something wonderful back "
First thing in college she  heard was :"All You Need is Love"was  hmm she thought Is"love  cowering  in an apartment in fear of only hate?"
Whether they be blood relation or not
We are now related to throw out the hated
Not to hurt it or anyone or thing else
But to enfold it with love ,the word forgotten in my home myself
I talked to counselors how music and writings of love were burned
I asked what of us when we go back with love wont we be spurned??
Then she heard a voice "You can have a road 100 miles long
with hateon one side and good on the other with a line drawn 50 miles out in the middle of the road
If you are one inch ,one milimeter on the side of Hate then that is what you are
As if you were made of steel you consider nothing love nothing want no one to help you
If you are on the side that is good only one inch ,guard your soul but also know you are beyond Hate's control
Know you have brothers and sisters that will help you and heel you nourish you with lov
Young ones like me if you truly want love you must start with it now we are blessed
She couldnt believe what she saw pure  goodness
Plants and animals the beauty of pure running streams great and powerful river
This is what had always been in her dreams
She was in University now not home hearing Hate's screams
She snuck back told all the other young people what she had heard
Her hair had a pure white streak a couple inches from the front of her long hair
So all the young thought" is hate turning Students hair white"
NO its because someone came back for us who does care
Student sang to the other young ,they could come to Academia with her or stay there
Their parents never told the young for fear Hate would whisper about their home door to door that night
Being kept from others the young didnt know her except by sight
"Tell us more about love they said "
Tell me ,tell me ,tell me oh please sing again some of the young secretly had learned musical instruments
They played as she would sing
The young yes even some of the older said "Sing more of love it sounds like such a beautiful thing"
They felt sunshine, they hugged and held gently and knew exactly what they had to do
They asked the young lady how she knew how she had arranged a bus to take them University to learn love and more
Suddenly Hate woke up "Where are my Big Macs and Buckets of tenders "come to me now now you **** "now Hate screamed
Less than half of the old ones the ones who lived the fear of rumor  ran out the door
How would they all fit in one bus.the Smiths hate Jenny Moore
In fact everyone there hated eachother
They needed someone to tell
The girl they now named Student told them of her dream or truth she beheld
How they all must leave where Hate doth dwell
How they must walk next door and ask for help so they could grow from injuries in the past
Hate came down "All of you who go will not be coming back"
Where are my Big Macs Hate said "bring lots of them back"
Then Student told her from now on we dream in Colour and those who stay will and can keep  the dreams in  mixed up white and black
Some of the old ones stayed they knew no other way
Student said we must remember them and wish them well every day
I was told to never go on the side of hate but to stay on the side of good
But that was only my dream and I would have you do as you would
Learn
Come to your own decisions of good bad right or wrong
Always honor your parents they just were too close to the middle of that road
Near enough to open their doors to hate
You know Hate needs our love the most
Student said what I like about Love it doesnt ever run out like money  gold thats real wealth
If you should ever get to close to the middle of that road, talk to counselors ,make friends with love and with health
Remember at all times that you are giving the love and health to them
If it can be done Hate may become love and your dwellings will sparkle and be clean
The stars will come out tonight looking like the closest they have ever been
It is with sadness but well wishes we leave our friends in Hate,but with their love for forever