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"lps" poems
wRiting            hElps                       Lighten       thE          loAd, wordS                     Escape
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Aug 28, 2014
Aug 28, 2014 at 10:29 AM UTC
Release
Put on the old LPs tonight, Alex, from a time long before you were born. Top of the queue was Petula Clark belting out Don't Give Up, defiant as an alley cat in a street fight. Remembered how in her heyday, she'd been forced to conceal the fact that she was married --- all performers being mysteriously virginal in those days. Thoughts segue several years to my time in the service and a female lieutenant who was my OIC. Served a 20 year career, but never knew a finer officer. She realized leadership was saying the things that made you want to follow. Just after making captain, due to pregnancy, she was forced to terminate her service career. Today, women routinely travel in space, perform extreme surgeries, design skyscrappers; one just might become president. And somewhere in the tenements of NYC a young poet spins metaphor straight from the streets and the cosmos, constructing a world in lines we'd all wish to enter.
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Jul 6, 2012
Jul 6, 2012 at 2:22 AM UTC
Don't Give Up --- A Poem for Alexandra
Lizbeth stood in front of the tall mirror inside her mother's wardrobe   she was wearing a short black dress her hair was tied in a bun at the back I stood watching her uncertain why we were in her parents' bedroom and why she was ********* her mother’s clothes hanging on hangers inside I looked around the room a big bed made tidily a chest of drawers   a built in cupboard a picture on the wall opposite the bed of some country scene and above the bed a huge crucifix made from wood with a plaster Christ look at this one Lizbeth said I looked at her hand taking out a long red dress she held it up then put in front of herself and turned to face me what do you think? it's a bit gaudy I said shall I try it on? no I can see what it would look like on you I said she sniffed it she must bathe in **** scent Lizbeth said she did a spin holding the dress against her how do I look in it? she's taller than you it'll fit her better I said not so sure Lizbeth said hold this I held the dress in my hand she unzipped her black dress at the back and pulled the black dress over her head and stood there in a white bra and ******* give it here she said and taking the dress she put it on her own black dress was on the floor here zip me up at the back she said I zipped her up at the back watching the straps of the white bra disappear as I zipped her up she turned on the spot and looked at herself in the tall mirror well? how do I look now? well at least it's longer than your own black dress I said it came to her ankles she looked down at it yes too ****** long she said unzip me Benny she said I unzipped her seeing the strap of the white bra come back into view she pulled the dress over her head and put it back on the hanger she stood there in bra and ******* how do I look now? undressed I said do you like me like this? I feel kind of uncomfortable you standing like that I said why do you feel uncomfortable? what if your parents come home now and see you like this and me here with you and you in your underclothes? she smiled guess they'll feel uncomfortable then she said I picked up her black dress best out it on I said now? yes now my parent's bed is over there all made up and fresh and waiting for us she said sexily I stood holding the black dress in my hand where are your parents? out some place when will they be back? don't know best get your dress on and out of their room I said what about my room? the bed's smaller and unmade and the room's untidy but we can still do it there? I heard voices from downstairs is that them back? I said in a low voice Lizbeth pulled a face **** me yes let's get to my room and so she put the red dress back in the wardrobe and shut it up and we rushed across the landing to her room and shut the door behind us I looked around her room it was as she said untidy the bed unmade books LPs soiled washing over the floor and the curtains unopened that was kind of close she said yes I said downstairs the voices were loud and a row seemed to be going on but Lizbeth seemed unconcerned standing there in her white ******* and bra holding the black dress gazing towards the unmade bed but I had other problems swimming around inside my teenage head.
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Jul 6, 2014
Jul 6, 2014 at 4:13 AM UTC
LIZBETH'S WORLD.
Lizbeth stood in front of the tall mirror inside her mother's wardrobe   she was wearing a short black dress her hair was tied in a bun at the back I stood watching her uncertain why we were in her parents' bedroom and why she was ********* her mother’s clothes hanging on hangers inside I looked around the room a big bed made tidily a chest of drawers   a built in cupboard a picture on the wall opposite the bed of some country scene and above the bed a huge crucifix made from wood with a plaster Christ look at this one Lizbeth said I looked at her hand taking out a long red dress she held it up then put in front of herself and turned to face me what do you think? it's a bit gaudy I said shall I try it on? no I can see what it would look like on you I said she sniffed it she must bathe in **** scent Lizbeth said she did a spin holding the dress against her how do I look in it? she's taller than you it'll fit her better I said not so sure Lizbeth said hold this I held the dress in my hand she unzipped her black dress at the back and pulled the black dress over her head and stood there in a white bra and ******* give it here she said and taking the dress she put it on her own black dress was on the floor here zip me up at the back she said I zipped her up at the back watching the straps of the white bra disappear as I zipped her up she turned on the spot and looked at herself in the tall mirror well? how do I look now? well at least it's longer than your own black dress I said it came to her ankles she looked down at it yes too ****** long she said unzip me Benny she said I unzipped her seeing the strap of the white bra come back into view she pulled the dress over her head and put it back on the hanger she stood there in bra and ******* how do I look now? undressed I said do you like me like this? I feel kind of uncomfortable you standing like that I said why do you feel uncomfortable? what if your parents come home now and see you like this and me here with you and you in your underclothes? she smiled guess they'll feel uncomfortable then she said I picked up her black dress best out it on I said now? yes now my parent's bed is over there all made up and fresh and waiting for us she said sexily I stood holding the black dress in my hand where are your parents? out some place when will they be back? don't know best get your dress on and out of their room I said what about my room? the bed's smaller and unmade and the room's untidy but we can still do it there? I heard voices from downstairs is that them back? I said in a low voice Lizbeth pulled a face **** me yes let's get to my room and so she put the red dress back in the wardrobe and shut it up and we rushed across the landing to her room and shut the door behind us I looked around her room it was as she said untidy the bed unmade books LPs soiled washing over the floor and the curtains unopened that was kind of close she said yes I said downstairs the voices were loud and a row seemed to be going on but Lizbeth seemed unconcerned standing there in her white ******* and bra holding the black dress gazing towards the unmade bed but I had other problems swimming around inside my teenage head.
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183
i found them while i was digging through old boxes covered in dust hidden in the shadows beneath my bed i'd been searching for LPs Lost in the Sound of Separation on vinyl record its sentimental value binding memories of my favorite band countless shows a myriad of friends it was there that i found exactly what it was i wasn't looking for who knows maybe i hid them because they reminded me of things best left forgotten the blue sticky note read in purple ink "my favorite prints for my favorite person. thanks for believing in my work." in every photograph was a little bit of you dead friends broken homes dark rooms with hardly any light a child looking for love the beach palms skateboards and surfboards in every photograph was a little bit of you shot in black and white refined in their aesthetic but only one photo actually had you in it three windows light filtering through closed blinds an air vent in the bottom right-hand corner you stand in the center and it is evident that you are shirtless as you look over your shoulder at the camera suspended in the room what thoughts crossed your mind when the shutter shuddered shut in every photograph was a little bit of you and if we’re being honest there was a little of me too
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Mar 26, 2014
Mar 26, 2014 at 12:04 AM UTC
photograph
The second poem in the series by my alter ego, Count Orlok the wicked Vampyr O how the moon peeps out gaily from behind a pink cloud, Its light shining wanly on the grave of my fat neighbour, That ugly old **** Bert Higgenbottom, follower of silly old Jesus, As my vampyr fangs glisten in the ***** moonlight. Ding! **** The midnight bell tolls like the clappers And I rise fully ***** to begin the horrid task Which I have been putting off for months: The ritual defilement of his mouldy corpse. What a shock to discover his nightdress-clad body Lying next to his collection of Doris Day LPs; Thus I turn the putrid plump corpse over carefully Before sodomising it with my mighty circumcised **** Yucch! It's a grim job but someone's got to do it.
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Jan 20, 2015
Jan 20, 2015 at 7:31 AM UTC
A Terrible Encounter with ORLOK, the Vampire Bat from Deepest Hell
The papers are wet with ink. Russia is losing it's war. North Korea is swamped with the Covid. Tucker is backpedaling his replacement theory. Finland and Sweden are enrolling. Armament shipments are making a difference. The Pope is apologizing. That needs repeating: The Pope is apologizing. (But why stop with the Aboriginals. Consider the Jews and Irish). Fossil fuels are on the decline. (plastic microchips are in our fat) I can still buy Roundup. Tobacco is banned in most public places here. *** is not. There are more drunks, and more behind bars, and in front. We have safe injection sites. I have robots asking me if I'm a robot. There are more tv stations selections. TV is not worth watching. LPs are making a comeback. Right to Life is Wrong for Many. ... and on... and on
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May 17, 2022
May 17, 2022 at 8:59 AM UTC
The World Is A Double Edged Sword
Just love those Sunday afternoons. A time with nothing to do, no place to go, no people to see. Time for delicious laziness and carefree leisure. I search on Youtube, our collective memory vault, fishing for songs from the 70s. Music of the Eagles, Carol King and Bread. Turn up the volume, let the music flow. Easy listening on Sunday afternoon is a family tradition. dating back to childhood. A sacred weekend ritual of lying on the window sill, listening to Father’s LPs, while I savored the scent of Mom’s home cooking. All the while soaking in the sun. Content like a cat.
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Jan 6, 2019
Jan 6, 2019 at 6:28 PM UTC
Lazy Sunday Afternoon
It was a Saturday morning And you were 19 and you were racing along Victoria Street having just left Victoria Railway Station on your way to Dobell’s Jazz Record Shop moving quickly through the sea of humanity thinking of jazz and what record you were going to buy at the shop that day imaging yourself ********* through LP sleeves taking a mental note of which one you might buy a John Coltrane or Miles Davis an Art Blakey or maybe a Dizzy Gillespie a jazz record being played over the loudspeakers in the shop you mingling with others in the crowded place when this hobo stopped you taking hold of your jacket gently and said have you got some small change for a sandwich? no you replied I haven’t and rushed on through the crowd ********* in your pocket loose change silvery coins and his voice in your head as you raced along and your conscience nagging you maybe the voice of the believed in Christ so you stopped and turned around and made your journey back through the people passing by your fingers taking hold of the coins the silvery loose change and there he was the hobo asking others the same question and they too went by shaking their heads or saying no sorry no change and you took his hand and put in the loose silver into his open palm and said here go buy yourself a sandwich or whatever and you turned and left looking over your shoulder and he stood there staring at his palm and the coins shining in the morning sun and then you looked ahead thinking of the record shop and the LPs and the jazz music being played but deep down in some other part of you you knew you’d given to one who maybe was hungry and had unconsciously prayed.
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Jul 18, 2012
Jul 18, 2012 at 1:42 AM UTC
JAZZ AND THE HOBO.
It was a Saturday morning And you were 19 and you were racing along Victoria Street having just left Victoria Railway Station on your way to Dobell’s Jazz Record Shop moving quickly through the sea of humanity thinking of jazz and what record you were going to buy at the shop that day imaging yourself ********* through LP sleeves taking a mental note of which one you might buy a John Coltrane or Miles Davis an Art Blakey or maybe a Dizzy Gillespie a jazz record being played over the loudspeakers in the shop you mingling with others in the crowded place when this hobo stopped you taking hold of your jacket gently and said have you got some small change for a sandwich? no you replied I haven’t and rushed on through the crowd ********* in your pocket loose change silvery coins and his voice in your head as you raced along and your conscience nagging you maybe the voice of the believed in Christ so you stopped and turned around and made your journey back through the people passing by your fingers taking hold of the coins the silvery loose change and there he was the hobo asking others the same question and they too went by shaking their heads or saying no sorry no change and you took his hand and put in the loose silver into his open palm and said here go buy yourself a sandwich or whatever and you turned and left looking over your shoulder and he stood there staring at his palm and the coins shining in the morning sun and then you looked ahead thinking of the record shop and the LPs and the jazz music being played but deep down in some other part of you you knew you’d given to one who maybe was hungry and had unconsciously prayed.
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All alone in the dark listening to old Martin Denny LPs I drain my last bottle of bourbon, extinguish a cigarette that tastes nothing A single tear falls gently from my left eye I blow my nose in my left sock and fall asleep on the sofa
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Apr 2, 2012
Apr 2, 2012 at 6:12 PM UTC
Sunday Night
***                                                  I                                           listen when i-                                         n many moods                                       bec-                  a-                                      use-                  it                                      he-                  lps                                       to               clear                                        m-       y mind.                                         music alway-                                    s makes thin-                                gs better. I-                         t lets me e-   s-                  cape my t-           o-              rtured r-                   e-           ality. T-                       he calm it br-         ings                    makes me feel safe, and t-         he st-              rength          i-             t gives          me h-            elps                m-              e to st-            and               tall.               It               helps               me                   ke-             e-            p my                     hea-                               d         held                              high, even when my h-                                     eart is breaking.                                                              It                                   it                          ai-                            ds me in e-                   x-                         pressing my-                 se-                          lf. It                          ke-                               eps me sane. Music                                       is my safe                                           place.***
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Dec 9, 2014
Dec 9, 2014 at 11:02 PM UTC
Music Is My Safe Place.
***                                                  I                                           listen when i-                                         n many moods                                       bec-                  a-                                      use-                  it                                      he-                  lps                                       to               clear                                        m-       y mind.                                         music alway-                                    s makes thin-                                gs better. I-                         t lets me e-   s-                  cape my t-           o-              rtured r-                   e-           ality. T-                       he calm it br-         ings                    makes me feel safe, and t-         he st-              rength          i-             t gives          me h-            elps                m-              e to st-            and               tall.               It               helps               me                   ke-             e-            p my                     hea-                               d         held                              high, even when my h-                                     eart is breaking.                                                              It                                   it                          ai-                            ds me in e-                   x-                         pressing my-                 se-                          lf. It                          ke-                               eps me sane. Music                                       is my safe                                           place.***
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I met Tilly after she had finished work, before she caught her bus home, we went to a milk bar, had a coffee and bun. What did your mum say about you coming to my place to listen to LPs? I said. She doesn't trust you, Tilly said, and she doesn't believe your mum will be there to supervise. I sipped my black coffee disappointed. What about on your half day? She need not know you're coming to my place; we can play my sister's Beatles LPs or my Elvis, I said. Too risky, she might wonder why I'm not home on my half day, Tilly said. I lit a cigarette and so did she. Tell her in advance you've got some stock-taking to do. Tilly sighed: I've done more stock-taking recently; she'll suspect I'm up to no good. I looked at her and smiled; I tried and failed, but at least I can look at you now and enjoy your beauty, I said. She frowned: I am off on holiday the week after next, maybe we could arrange something then, she said, I have an uncle in Richmond and he's asked me to stay and look after his house for a few days while he's away. Richmond? I said, I suppose I could take a day off  and meet you. No, she said, a night as well. I smiled and so did she. Sometimes there's a rainbow you just don't see.
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Jul 15, 2016
Jul 15, 2016 at 2:19 AM UTC
UNSEEN RAINBOW 1965
Lizbeth's mum tidied up Lizbeth's room such a mess plates and cups on the floor and LPs here and there underwear cast aside not picked up then she found the *** book in Lizbeth's chest of drawers opened up saw pictures of women and **** men positions and advice she sat down on the bed going red hands shaking closed the book didn't know anything of those things that she'd seen other than the basic position should she say to Lizbeth what she'd found? just 13 why would she need the book? and has she done those things? Lizbeth's mum put the book back again tidied up polished round went downstairs in a trance turned on her radio on came Bach concertos the cellos.
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May 2, 2016
May 2, 2016 at 3:29 PM UTC
THE *** BOOK 1961.
You never know what you will find. The eyeball of a cow. Weeping condoms. Deserted televisions lacking flat screens, no longer desirable, abandoned, forlorn. A pair of torn, lacy,black ******* in an alley; must be a story there. A cat with one eye and three legs, devouring a vole. Scattered books awash. A depressed, deflated hemorrhoid donut. Soaked album of ruined wedding pictures. Forever mute, broken, vinyl LPs. Three shotgun shells but no shotgun. Not a sign of the splattered victim. Almost everything you can't imagine. The devious flotsam and jetsam of life. The ordinary stuff of nightmares and poems. All the world's magnificent mysteries, strewn like tears on streets and alleys, waiting to be rediscovered, again, like dangerous, lost New Worlds, yours for the simple effort of walking.
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Feb 8, 2017
Feb 8, 2017 at 7:36 AM UTC
Just Walking
How this little misses causes me to misses Her sweet little cheek kisses, so much I’ll never really know And if I could have the whole world right now, All I’d take is one day with you tunneling through mounds of snow. Toys, toys, ouch I stepped on more toys. I guess I’ll take LPS construction over a hundred boys Causes me and Jaron are the only two for you It took at four years but now you always say I love you too.
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Mar 5, 2012
Mar 5, 2012 at 11:16 PM UTC
Kacie
I wanted to meet you outside the National Gallery, Julie says, but the doctors weren't keen, said I ****** up my drug medication, and not let me out for days. She was a drug dependent, on the cure, or so she said. And waiting you went to Dobells's record shop, listened to few jazz LPs, had a beer, sat and smoked, thought about *** the having and not so. Then she shows, her dark hair neat, pony-tailed, her tight figure in the clothes she wears, **** almost touchable. Let's skip the old stuff, she says, let's keep to the modern **** save time, energy, then after a drink and chat. So you go in the Gallery, take in all those moderns, the stuff she likes, the portraits, the brush skills involved, who painted whom, buy a few postcards, look at books. Then off for a coffee and chat, you go to some place in Leicester Square, sit at a table, take out the cigarettes, wait for the order, take in her features as she speaks, her eyes, her lips, the way her hair is brushed and kept, her tight top, those pressing out of **** I liked the Picasso, she says, his stuff really gets to me, makes other works boring as last year's ***** You notice how she holds her cigarette, the fingers not yet browny yellow, hold it just so, not tight or loose, but gently, like it was some baby kid instead of tobacco filled paper deadly drug. The coffees come, neat small cups, tiny handles, froth and such. I feel the need, she says,all the time that need to hit the veins or tongue. You hear her words, out there, fragile things, taking flight, like doomed black birds.
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Nov 12, 2013
Nov 12, 2013 at 1:58 AM UTC
LIKE DOOMED BLACK BIRDS.
I wanted to meet you outside the National Gallery, Julie says, but the doctors weren't keen, said I ****** up my drug medication, and not let me out for days. She was a drug dependent, on the cure, or so she said. And waiting you went to Dobells's record shop, listened to few jazz LPs, had a beer, sat and smoked, thought about *** the having and not so. Then she shows, her dark hair neat, pony-tailed, her tight figure in the clothes she wears, **** almost touchable. Let's skip the old stuff, she says, let's keep to the modern **** save time, energy, then after a drink and chat. So you go in the Gallery, take in all those moderns, the stuff she likes, the portraits, the brush skills involved, who painted whom, buy a few postcards, look at books. Then off for a coffee and chat, you go to some place in Leicester Square, sit at a table, take out the cigarettes, wait for the order, take in her features as she speaks, her eyes, her lips, the way her hair is brushed and kept, her tight top, those pressing out of **** I liked the Picasso, she says, his stuff really gets to me, makes other works boring as last year's ***** You notice how she holds her cigarette, the fingers not yet browny yellow, hold it just so, not tight or loose, but gently, like it was some baby kid instead of tobacco filled paper deadly drug. The coffees come, neat small cups, tiny handles, froth and such. I feel the need, she says,all the time that need to hit the veins or tongue. You hear her words, out there, fragile things, taking flight, like doomed black birds.
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Ice melted and the lemon soaked up the deep plush juices of cranberries. The smell of you was newly showered, damp and warm still looking slightly ***** Water bottles, made of plastic were slowly shifted in an Eastern ocean. The separateness of their position from land reminded me of us. Dark brown ceramic ash trays smoked. Lounging, we read the backs of LPS and talked thoughtlessly about genius. Jean shorts sagged and lost their body, but still we felt pretty. A really loving melody, Joni Mitchell, played from downstairs. Upstairs, a pillow between my legs and background semi-trucks on the turnpike. And picking up the smell of you, faraway and happy.
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Aug 5, 2014
Aug 5, 2014 at 4:51 PM UTC
The smell of you
Ten years ago when I got divorced, I owned 6,000 books, a riding mower, a house on an acre and enough other stuff to supply a Syrian family for a  year. Now I live in a three room shotgun apartment. A year ago I embarked on a minimalist frenzy. Out went the LPs, the vintage stereo equipment and radios, the remaining books (a Kindle is a minimalist's best friend), most of the furniture (no one visits here), boxes of magazines, all the clothes not worn in the past year, all of my gadgets and, best of all, my wretched teaching job. I wanted to pare my life down to the essentials and see what remained. Now I live on practically nothing with practically nothing. I give my occupation (when asked) as Poet. That gets wonderfully baffled looks. I am eccentric to the extreme and love it. The cat and I, an old anarchist and mute feline, make the perfect minimalist family living out the dregs of an obscure, minimal life. We are what we are, free from the tyranny of things, content to quietly careen into whatever bit of future remains to us enjoying the minutes, ignoring the years.    ~mce
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Oct 21, 2015
Oct 21, 2015 at 11:16 AM UTC
Smiling End Game
Mary Moran rolls a cigarette between fingers and thumbs, liberated tobacco and paper from her da's pocket, if he knew he'd belt her behind, she licks the paper end with her damp tongue, rolls it thin and lights it up with a Swan Vesta stole from her ma's kitchen box, Magdalene she'd met at the coffee bar had a laugh talked of Sister Bridget and the priest and some going ons, sweet Mags gazed at her placed a hand on her thigh talked of her da, the smoke rises from the ciggie skyward cloud like, Martha sat sipping her coffee ********* her rosary in the bar like Brian fingers my bra strap the loon, Mary knows what Brian is after he's more chance of the pox than that she muses watching the smoke twirl as it touches the roof of the greenhouse glass, if Da found me now he'd tan my *** she muses inhaling deeper lungful drag, the priest in confessions (the old boy)nigh on had a heart attack when she confessed the weeks worth, spluttering she heard through the wire mesh of the confessional, Magdalene wants me to go listen to LPs on her record player in her room away from her da and ma and their moans and groans, Martha with her blue eyes stared at the crucifix on her rosary like a lovesick cow as they sipped their coffee and yakked of the priest and nun and imagined fun.
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Dec 29, 2015
Dec 29, 2015 at 10:18 AM UTC
TIPPERARY MARY 1963.
She'll do. She's a rough approximation of you without the sense of humor. She'll do and she did. Rough drafts come through the window. A woman like that will only let you get away with her for so long. Every time she left I was paranoid she wasn't coming back. I'm turning into John Cusack with my LPs in a stack. She's never coming back. I write my ****** heart out for you.
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Feb 8, 2014
Feb 8, 2014 at 12:35 PM UTC
Addendum On a Break-Up
She has the children asleep now and the rest of the night is hers; her husband is on his night shift, so she'll have the bed to herself unless one of the kids wake up and climb in the bed beside her, as they do when their dad's away. Nothing on the TV to please, so she plays one or two LPs and sits in the armchair to muse, as the music touches her ears. They used to dance to this music at the youth club, no longer there. She sips a gin and lemonade and has her final cigarette, and thinks of life, without regret.
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Jul 20, 2021
Jul 20, 2021 at 2:04 AM UTC
Time Alone 1988.
I sit at the kitchen table in the farm house with Milka. Her mother is washing dishes from breakfast. Milka is late down, and eating cereal. Her mother turns to me, and says: can I get you anything, Benny? Something hot? She smiles and I smile back, and say: yes a cup of tea would be nice, thank you. Milka watches the smiles, and gently kicks me under the table, and mouths: don't smile like that at her. I frown. Don't smile like that at her, Milka mouths again. I stop smiling, and gaze at Milka; she is not pleased; jealous of her own mother's attention to me; she thinks(she told me the other day) her mother is playing up to me. What are we up to today? Her mother says. We? What do you mean we? Milka says. Well you and Benny, her mother says, turning and putting a cup of tea in front of me, smiling. I gaze at her motherly ***** her bright eyes. We're going shopping in town, Milka says, I need to get some things and Benny wants to look in the record shop at Elvis LPs. I see, her mother says, I may go to town later; your father is busy on the farm, so I'll have to go alone. Where are the boys? Milka says. Sea fishing, her mother says, won't be back until late. I look at Milka, she looks at me. Right while you're finishing your breakfast I'll go do the beds, and her mother went out and up the stairs. Do you have to smile at her like that? Milka says. Like what? I say. Gawk at her, and smile; you can see she is after you. After me? What do you mean? I say. Wants you in her bed, Milka says. I doubt it, I say. Don't doubt it; avoid gawking at her. Milka eats her breakfast for a few minutes, then says, if we come back while she's shopping, we can maybe have time in my room and do things. I smile and watch her eat, wondering about her mother upstairs, and what if she did. I showed no real interest, but if so, I kept it well hid.
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Jun 13, 2016
Jun 13, 2016 at 1:33 AM UTC
KEPT IT HID 1964.
I sit at the kitchen table in the farm house with Milka. Her mother is washing dishes from breakfast. Milka is late down, and eating cereal. Her mother turns to me, and says: can I get you anything, Benny? Something hot? She smiles and I smile back, and say: yes a cup of tea would be nice, thank you. Milka watches the smiles, and gently kicks me under the table, and mouths: don't smile like that at her. I frown. Don't smile like that at her, Milka mouths again. I stop smiling, and gaze at Milka; she is not pleased; jealous of her own mother's attention to me; she thinks(she told me the other day) her mother is playing up to me. What are we up to today? Her mother says. We? What do you mean we? Milka says. Well you and Benny, her mother says, turning and putting a cup of tea in front of me, smiling. I gaze at her motherly ***** her bright eyes. We're going shopping in town, Milka says, I need to get some things and Benny wants to look in the record shop at Elvis LPs. I see, her mother says, I may go to town later; your father is busy on the farm, so I'll have to go alone. Where are the boys? Milka says. Sea fishing, her mother says, won't be back until late. I look at Milka, she looks at me. Right while you're finishing your breakfast I'll go do the beds, and her mother went out and up the stairs. Do you have to smile at her like that? Milka says. Like what? I say. Gawk at her, and smile; you can see she is after you. After me? What do you mean? I say. Wants you in her bed, Milka says. I doubt it, I say. Don't doubt it; avoid gawking at her. Milka eats her breakfast for a few minutes, then says, if we come back while she's shopping, we can maybe have time in my room and do things. I smile and watch her eat, wondering about her mother upstairs, and what if she did. I showed no real interest, but if so, I kept it well hid.
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Mother had lectured you on the state of your room as soon as you got in from school; you stood there nodding and clutching your satchel, wishing she’d finish so you could go to your room and be away from her yak. Friday and the end of school for a few days; you hoped to cycle out to Benny’s parents’ cottage in the morning and maybe get him in the hay barn on the farm or some such place. Make sure you tidy that room up, Mother said. You said you would and climbed the stairs to your bedroom, which looked out on the cherry trees and gooseberry bushes. Once in your room you looked around: your bed had been made and most items on the floor had been put away, except for the record player and LPs. The window was open and fresh air entering and chilling the room. You closed the window and stared out. The old girl next door was throwing bread to the birds on her lawn. A tabby cat sat behind the gooseberry bushes, waiting. You turned and slipping of your shoes, you lay on your bed. You had seen Benny briefly at school; he was walking along the corridor to another lesson, and he smiled and you smiled back. You wanted to grab him and kiss him, but a teacher was passing by and shooed you on. You turned on your bed and imagined he was there lying next to you. You closed your eyes, and touched your thigh, pretending it was him, not you, his hand touching you. You hugged yourself, placing a hand along your back, moving the fingers, imagining Benny’s hand doing it. But you weren’t good at pretending; you wanted the real thing. You looked forward to Saturday morning and what it might bring.
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Jan 26, 2019
Jan 26, 2019 at 2:59 AM UTC
Lizbeth One Friday 1961
Mother had lectured you on the state of your room as soon as you got in from school; you stood there nodding and clutching your satchel, wishing she’d finish so you could go to your room and be away from her yak. Friday and the end of school for a few days; you hoped to cycle out to Benny’s parents’ cottage in the morning and maybe get him in the hay barn on the farm or some such place. Make sure you tidy that room up, Mother said. You said you would and climbed the stairs to your bedroom, which looked out on the cherry trees and gooseberry bushes. Once in your room you looked around: your bed had been made and most items on the floor had been put away, except for the record player and LPs. The window was open and fresh air entering and chilling the room. You closed the window and stared out. The old girl next door was throwing bread to the birds on her lawn. A tabby cat sat behind the gooseberry bushes, waiting. You turned and slipping of your shoes, you lay on your bed. You had seen Benny briefly at school; he was walking along the corridor to another lesson, and he smiled and you smiled back. You wanted to grab him and kiss him, but a teacher was passing by and shooed you on. You turned on your bed and imagined he was there lying next to you. You closed your eyes, and touched your thigh, pretending it was him, not you, his hand touching you. You hugged yourself, placing a hand along your back, moving the fingers, imagining Benny’s hand doing it. But you weren’t good at pretending; you wanted the real thing. You looked forward to Saturday morning and what it might bring.
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You suspected Saffy Was shafted by her Brother; the big ape Eyed her frequently From his armchair In the corner when You called on her To go out. She had That, Oh I can’t go Out now look; can’t We stay in, watch a Movie or go to my Room and listen to the Hifi? Sure, you’d say, And go to her to room And sit in the chair by The wide window as she Sorted through records. The side of her neck was Shot with brown marks, Her eyes haunted, her thin Fingers flicking LPs, her Tongue lying on her lower Lip. She played her only Beatles album, Help, Played it loud, sitting On the edge of her bed, Nodding her head. The ape Knocked her door, peered Through the gap, not too loud Saf, turn it down lover child, Don’t want any neighbours Banging on the wall, he said. She waved you goodbye from The door, the ape saw you Off, his eyes following your *** down the path with His sick laugh. Saf didn’t Say that he did, but hinted, Implied; her words echoing Through the mind years later. The ape long since dead; Bullet in the head, by her They said, pulling the trigger Of the father’s gun, ending It in the room where all began; Window open, wind blowing Curtains, gun blast, midday sun.
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Apr 16, 2016
Apr 16, 2016 at 12:01 PM UTC
SUSPECTING. (OLD POEM)
Magdalene's parents row she hears them from her room nightly fights loud voices hands slapping she turns up her tiny transistor radio and listens ear up close to some song by Elvis she's undressed soiled linen cast aside short nightie a lush pink she then thinks of Mary on this bed hours back listening to LPs on her small hi-fi box both smoking sipping slow some borrowed of ma's gin Mary said that idjit boy Brian tried to get his **** leg over me but I said go **** sheep they both laughed huddled close Magdalene put her hand on Mary's naked knee moved upward Mary said go ahead still rowing downstairs her parents her da's voice thundering through the floor her ma's voice soprano counterpoints his tenor as if in opera by Verdi Magdalene gets in bed says her prayers (old routine) then lays down in the dark (light turned out) dreaming of Mary's lips Mary's hands Mary's hips Mary's eyes letting out in slow breath her deep sighs.
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Jan 9, 2016
Jan 9, 2016 at 2:41 AM UTC
HER DEEP SIGHS 1963
sprinting hand in hand down narrow streets running around unsuspecting bystanders and passerbyers laughs echoing off the skyscrapers, louder than all the taxi cabs and mixed up conversations of the city chasing the pink sunset that reflects in golden hues off of the concrete jungle walking hand in hand around the edges of the lakes in central park dancing on subway platforms to street performers unique melodies falling into attraction in between musty lps in dimly lit record shops hidden away in greenwich falling in love in vacant coffee shops or on apartment building rooftops the city is where nostalgia takes a form of reality and where chaos disguises itself as a form of surreal serenity
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Dec 3, 2017
Dec 3, 2017 at 6:18 PM UTC
i fell in love with a place and it breaks my heart to be away