Not ready
That's what you told me
Yet you're already dating someone else
Not even a month after
I feel like I should be mourning
But I think I dodged a bullet
You still call other girls for hours
Even though you have a girlfriend
You still cuddle with others too
So in hindsight thank you for leaving
You gave me temporary pain
For a lot more happiness longterm
So thank you?
I still hope you suffer a bit for the ghosting though
After all I am a petty *****

Few are afraid to go to sleep,
But many are afraid to die.

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Seems like torture when you see me now ...
like a dark corner is more comforting than me....
You will hold my hand and let me in briefly...
but longterm promos are no longer available ...
Mostly im crushed that you like most fed me hope...
But no time for sadness because we are now going slow...
you say ur liking our past more than you will view future..
Like it is of no concern to others where this liffe leads
just hold me tonight and remind me how it felt....
to finally be able to say im going somewhere now,,,
thst she is mine and nothing will tear us apart ...
But then the part i enjoyed most ..
the idea that i could finallly heal my heart .... i

when things get too heavy or your problems seem insurmountable to overcome, make a list.

  I love making lists.
Start easy.

1. Go ride a bike tomorrow

good, you're getting some cardio

2. spend at least 30 minutes in the sun everyday

now you're getting vitamin D

3. give up alcohol and ciggarettes

Now you're giving you body a chance to heal and detoxify.

4. Get a better job.

You can do this. This is the ******* one usually, but having an income gives a sense of intrinsic usefulness. You're contributing something, even if it's a sandwich to someone's mouth.

5. save up money.

Good, getting some money in the bank for some financial stability and to provide a safeguard in case of disaster

6. find a loving girlfriend.

need companionship for longterm mental health, we can't stay alone forever.

7. now keep this up, maintained.

This is usually where I start my list again.  
I'm tired of the fallbacks, and the hindsight anguish.
Someday
happiness will
last, but for now the list is my comfort

Tip of the Day: Become A Meditator
        ( in plain street talk)

A meditator
Can become a better,
Even good creator.
You should try it if you haven’t.
Just a tip,
Not only for the hip;
The brain feels sharper,
Extra bright.
Longterm,
Not just a single night.
Life seems to go your way,
Black turning white,
The hard stuff easy,
At least easier;
Easier to find the self,
Dine alone,
Put those problems on a shelf,
Give self-help.
Like good nutrition or a diet,
It takes time.
So try it!

Give it three good months or so -
Time to feel and time to know.
It’s nothing fancy,
Not a fancy,
Wait and see:
Continuously
Or in fits and jerks
It works,
Accumulating over years.
Start now, this minute’s very second.
You can reckon
                        on success.

Tip Of The Day: Become A Meditator 4.20.2021 The Processes: Creative, Thinking, Meditative II; Arlene Nover corwin

.

Temporary fun with irresponsible decisions 
their repercussions are 
always right around the 
corner, Im all about longterm,
forget the instant gratification
I refuse to let a part-time fun 
create a full-time problem 
moving forward or atleast not on purpose, opportunities for bad decisions will always surface but it doesnt mean we have to let them rise 
STAY FOCUSED 
its not magic,
no hocus-pocus 
just a lot of tough-love 
The older I get 
the more I realize 
Im worth it 
The more I grow 
the more I realize 
I deserve it 
Self-observations 
leads to 
Self-reflection 
leads to 
Self-acceptance 
leads to 
Self-understanding 
leads to 
Self-respect
leads to 
Self-improvement 
leads to
SELF-CHANGE
Equals 
SELF-GROWTH 
Heres a real life 
mathematical equation 
they didnt teach us 
in school, Lifes one BIG
MATH PROBLEM 
everything your facing 
can be fixed 
with addition 
or subtraction 
its really that simple 
solve for 1( you )
Once you are the product
then you can produce 
but to think 
someone else 
can do the math for you 
is ridiculous 
its quite obvious 
that theory 
will always end 
WRONG

Basketball tonight
Last night too

Solitary flight
But I think of you

I drift toward death
I sense the longterm view

When I disappear
Tell her I told true

             Who?

Grotesque awareness of a deeper sadness.
Emotions wrapped in freezer plastic.
Burned so deep my deep tissue
Meat. Is completely eaten.
By a disease.
They call the demons madness...

I pray I sleep. I dont lose Jesus.
And he saves me from.
My weakness in my deep disastisfaction

I run in circles.
Taking shape electing nerves to volunteer for damage

In freestyle pattern
Blood and broken bones.
Injury with freezing feet detachment

Rcmp detachment
Though I'm freaky bad *****
Jesus sees i matter.
completely reaching into my
Entire being.
Till I've excreted all the demons.
My entire  ***** matter...

This flow is patented.
Like easy flow toilets.
Or a period pamper
I'm the ****.
Don't ****** say it
You can smell it when I wipe your *** and appear. To wreak of laughter

Your direction like a detective
With a single bias.
Waving all your way. God might just save me
Crazy ***** you think its modern science...
My diet is chicken breast
Bacon grits.
Vision longterm science
My *******
Have enlarged six sizes

Naturally occurring hormones.
From this problem reliance
Monster kindness
You think genius comes in
Shades of grey.
For gay dudes. Straight chjcks and
The common minded
Try being more accepting
You ******* ****.
Racist *****.
Trump you obnoxious tyrant.
You started selling bleach ingestion
As disease prevention
And the public wants it.
Hope you like your women squeeling.
You ******* pig.
*** we won't march in silence
Blacks. Immigrants. Lgbtq. And the common minded.
Rising up like Phoenix from a firey grave.
Display. More common findings.
Than a tie die shirt. Goes with a hippy.
And coffee. Goes with last nights ******* ***** diet
Sweeten the ***. Smooth as cream.
A dream the next guy offers.
And we all stop and buy it
Politicians will  never come through as
Honest.
Lets just not pretend.
So we all know we've exited the closet.