Dear, let me startle you by slinking my hand into
your smart, ethical decisions while I touch
quite gently
ripping to shreds
your photon ends.

Dear, let me caress your supple virtues and vows
until they blow out of proportion
merging your interests with mine
like the longing of eyes
uncanny in its distortion.

Dear, let me rip off your clothes as I grip your tight notions
ideas slipping carefully into place
like a sterile, unflinching blank slate
inching towards computed devotion.

Dear, let me carry out some foreplay
as long as you bend, not break,
delightfully stroking the edge of your plate.

Dear, let me come so close to your face
so close that it becomes blurry.

Where are my glasses in all this flurry?

Of feelings resembling photo reels on fire
shooting flames out the window
beyond everything you’ve ever known;
beyond anything you desire.

Dear, let me kiss you to submission,
your brain waves in motion
as I twist and slip into them
hormones ablaze
lighting up for days
your synapses recapturing
in a binocular haze.

Dear, let me flop on top of you
like a floppy disk, uploading your lips
into my hardrive.

Do I make you hard as fire?

Slowing burning
my hot fingers curling
up your robust spine
cracking it into
chiropractor sublime.

Massaging your tired broad shoulders
like large sofa ends.

Is this keyboard only
made for pretend?

Dear, let me mind *******
take you and light you
brighten your screen
uphold and unseen
neurons fighting as I whisper ***** words
directly into the folds of your tulip ears
too large to hear, and

Dear, let me engage my rage
into a productive haze
bolting out words, unheard of for days.

Dear, let us become undone together
like the battery of a computer
rebooting after a hectic hardware phase.

Dear, let us breathe and walk through this maze.

Dear, let me startle you by slinking my hand into
your smart, ethical decisions while I touch
quite gently
ripping to shreds
your photon ends.

Dear, let me caress your supple virtues and vows
until they blow out of proportion
merging your interests with mine
like the longing of eyes
uncanny in its distortion.

Dear, let me rip off your clothes as I grip your tight notions
ideas slipping carefully into place
like a sterile, unflinching blank slate
inching towards computed devotion.

Dear, let me carry out some foreplay
as long as you bend, not break,
delightfully stroking the edge of your plate.

Dear, let me come so close to your face
so close that it becomes blurry.

Where are my glasses in all this flurry?

Of feelings resembling photo reels on fire
shooting flames out the window
beyond everything you’ve ever known;
beyond anything you desire.

Dear, let me kiss you to submission,
your brain waves in motion
as I twist and slip into them
hormones ablaze
lighting up for days
your synapses recapturing
in a binocular haze.

Dear, let me flop on top of you
like a floppy disk, uploading your lips
into my hardrive.

Do I make you hard as fire?

Slowing burning
my hot fingers curling
up your robust spine
cracking it into
chiropractor sublime.

Massaging your tired broad shoulders
like large sofa ends.

Is this keyboard only
made for pretend?

Dear, let me mind *******
take you and light you
brighten your screen
uphold and unseen
neurons fighting as I whisper ***** words
directly into the folds of your tulip ears
too large to hear, and

Dear, let me engage my rage
into a productive haze
bolting out words, unheard of for days.

Dear, let us become undone together
like the battery of a computer
rebooting after a hectic hardware phase.

Dear, let us breathe and walk through this maze.

I downloaded my honest expression of feelings for you
but it came as a zip file
and I’m hardly tech savvy
so It sits in my hardrive with the other long lost files
like that first bike ride without training wheels
and christmas back before it all got so painfully awkward
two spaces above it
is the memory of being chased by angry farmers on tractors
and the file I edited last
was my self-image profile picture

I want you.
but sometimes wires don’t connect and the connection tends to
falter - lag
so I sent my mind to the pornographic district
where the lights flicker so red, like your favorite shade of lipstick
and for a few minutes there I committed biblical abomination
which is a fancy ******* way of saying I jacked off
before checking my local news site for the five day forecast
rain, rain, rain, rain, but a hint of sunshine

Woah! That’s a risky site! Are you sure you still want to continue?
not really. But last time I checked I never asked you for anything
so I’m buying the ingredients for happiness on ebay
two parts forty ounces of malt liquor
three parts resin stained smoking apparatus
two parts the wrong crowd
and ten parts stupid *** decisions
now I’m stumbling upon locked door keyholes
to see bootleg copies of your next summer blockbuster
they’re worth the ten dollars a pop - I’m just broke

I tried to upload a **** shaming video of you to youtube
but it was taking too **** long to process
so instead I tweeted all 140 of the characters I have played
and wrote you a bittersweet, scathing review
4.5 stars out of 5 - would not recommend
#FuckYou
I would still swipe right to your front door on silent nights
smelling like a bad rock and roll cliche
saying the same one liners over and over again

I listened to your swan song on spotify
and yeah, I’ll admit, It had me swaying
but that might just be the new “Twenty dollar a week diet”
I was forwarded online
so skype with my self-esteem
and IM me your holy of holies
and I’ll pretend whichever God you follow is up there somewhere
maybe I am just a post on your blog
maybe I’m just the virus causing you to curse at low speed internet
but I think you should leave your ISP a nasty voicemail
because this headspace is corrupted
and this computer is crashing towards an eternal shutdown

Detox needed, salt enzymes, mother Apple cannot purge
Somewhere under the soul is hidden
Deep heavy air, speleothem drips, blind salamanders fish
White light is in the mind, refresh, delete, refresh
Delete
Hardrive needing replaced, mother board comes on like a crippled play thing
Eve is there, canines sunk in the mother apple
Pages sunk in
Sun's of God
Has now refurbished and has now encoded for the next restructure

Dear friend of mine



You are an important ,extraordinary unique and golden individual! Everything that has happened to you...All you've been through..., has formed you into the somebody you are today...

Nothing! absolutely nothing! has been wasted...Every tiny trauma has been uploaded to the eternal cosmic hardrive....The agony and misery you have experienced, has become a priceless commodity, a new currency of experience, strength and hope a purpose that will touch the hearts and minds of all one makes contact with...Especially our beautiful broken souls, desperate to climb out of the belly of the beast, tortured and tormented by the scourge of affliction...

You are building a new life now, this time upon the rock, for you are still here! and must not be moved! No matter what , for you have earned your passage to the road of happy destiny.. And.As you trudge this graceful, righteous road, you will meet life long friends, who will support  and comfort you in times of tribulation...
You are on firm ground now, for the bomb has already dropped and devastated anything worthwhile in your former life , you are safe now, for you have already been ruined ,and fallen on your own sword...

You have survived the brutal winter of your life, and it is spring now!...Only good things are in the post for you!, Expect good things to come to you! Say " I expect good things to come to me"... for where your attention goes... your energy flows! and so it will be... For as you believe... you will receive, please don't doubt, for you will go without! where your attention goes your energy flows...Believe in the impossible and never doubt the miracle that you are... you've come this far!...

Fear of death is cruel, but there is a fate graver than death itself...Wishing that you had lived, living dead, dying in your mind a thousand times,just wishing it would all just end, never waking up, a life full of remorse and regret, wishing if only, when the ship done left the port...

Rejoice and celebrate that you are fighting the good fight and didn't give up on yourself and let life pass you by, that your alive today...and that the best years of your existence lie ahead... for as deep and as broad is your suffering...so shall be your comfort...I am with you in spirit always your friend Gabriel

I think,
Maybe
thinking is too,
Surreal for me,
floating out
of my head, deep,
in thought
I should get a
rush,
but,
it's just the,
dull breeze,
of another
word.
Dull, boring,
freak of nature;
normal, twisted,
act of God.

Shoes dissolve
doors crumble at their close
air is liquid in the palms
of River.
Why does God,
act in her pool.

Knocking on hardrive,
Carressing the
page;
Paper and prose feel,
real, least surreal,
in our arms.

What if,
by the time I am forty
all I have are black curtains
preventing sunlight
from coming in;
or a full-time job
on a minimum wage?

What if I lose all
my possession in a fire
caused by a cigarette
I didn't put out properly;
what if all my files
were wiped out
due to faulty hardrive?

Would love still show
it's face around these parts?
Or would love walk
around wounded, looking
to score a fix?

Does redemption
exist for a man
with guilt-ridden fists?

A man with nothing to lose,

and nothing to gain

once the world ends.

What if by the time I'm fifty,
all the progress I made
regresses, and the house
I built collapses,

and every detail

I kissed with *****,

chapped lips,

loses it's preciousness?

If I don't let go of the past now,

it only repeats itself over

and over in the present.

The current state of events

is last year's confession.

Rental down payments-
Moving van-
Rental debt:
  N-
  L-
Debt to parents: 25,000
Mac-external hardrive
iPad -accessory  
iphone-
     Oloclip-Lense
     Selfie light -phone case
     Selfie stick
     Heavy duty case
Mattress/ Boxspring/ Frame
Cat stuff
Dresser
Lights (Plants/ Photography)
Sound proofing
Microphones
Headset-beats
Garageband
Mic ****
Photography camera
Lenses
Vlog camera
Sewing machine
Patterns
Cactus
Backdrops/green screen