See this one here, look at the teeth on that
Would rip your mind to shreds if you ever let that inside your head
Yea! If you ever bought his *******
This one over here, this one's good, this one breathes fire
Look! Spits it out like a flamethrower
Would burn your whole world to a cinder just like that
(If you ever read his book)
One moment the sun is shining and you're smiling
The next... your whole world is in shadow and you're dying
All snuffed out... just like that
Depressed!!! Ha! Ha! You wouldn't be depressed
You'd be ******' suicidal, waking up every morning to face that... his words
Man! Your Life is over
Better get some bottles of whiskey and some drugs quick
You ain't going any further -
See this one here, ain't she cute but look again, look closer, ha! ha!  fooled ya
Just look at those gnashers, those gnashing teeth
And those claws, the nails on that
Once she gets a hold of you there ain't no getting back.

Yea! Just taking a stroll, a walk among my monsters
The monsters this world threw my way
This Zoo of horrors
(Some of the many rotten ideas that roam this earth).

                             II

O! They did terrible things to him
(But they would never do them again)
They had been harsh severe, mercilessly so
They had terrified and petrified him
Squeezed all the joy out of his life
He bore it all and the terrible weight of it so nearly crushed him,
And no one came to offer him any help.

But he didn't die...he nearly died... probably should have died... many times...
But somehow he found a way...a way to survive
And to come back... and now it was for him to dictate terms,
They were in trouble now and what's more they knew it
And one by one they began to sneak, to run away
All those who had ever offended him, caused him even the slightest degree of anxiety
The slightest hint of uneasiness or worry were now going to pay for it,
They'd had their fun, their time in the sun
And now they would answer for it
One by one he sought them out, one by one he tracked them down
They didn't scare him anymore, he caught them and put them all into little cages just for his amusement
So he could look at them sometimes... look at them and remember
Remember what they'd put him through.

                             III

O! Listen! Listen!!! Hear them howl, hear them roar... what lovely outrage
"The Children of the Night
O what sweet music they make...eh! Ha! Ha!"
See them grind their teeth against the bars
See them snarl and spit
With their beautiful red eyes of hate
You don't laugh anymore do you Big Fella
And you ain't so Big anymore
It's only me who does all the laughing now
Ain't that right !!!

(And the days and years they go by
But still, it's a beautiful looking sky
You'd hardly think anything bad went on underneath it).

And I look at you and am baffled
Was your experience...was it not the same as mine,
You say you'd like to know me, connect with me
You reach out and want to take my hand,
But how...how could you ever know me
The things I've seen, the places I've been
Live through this like I had to do...
(But isn't it the same for you also maybe).

Hey!!! Ha! Ha! You wanna meet some of my friends!

She smothers me with her words of desire
So I kiss her to stop it
And choke

I choke on her words
Choke on her soft tongue
Like a vicarious seizure

Put a wallet between our bear traps
So that I might catch my breath

Her lips brand my brain
With short circuits
So I stutter responses

And if she were any less beautiful
Or I could somehow be gay
I might actually have enough confidence

To say
Shut up and bring them gnashers my way

It’s okay if you bite
I like it rough

And
Already I can barely breathe
Suffocating under a blanket of words

I can smell the alcohol on her breath
As she speaks
As if her words could be any less flammable

Makes me wish I could drink gasoline without dying

Do you hear that dark room dancer?
You liquor breathed torpedo tongue
You cat eyed lighthouse
Reminding me where I want home to be?

You make me want to drink flammable liquid just to compete

I pull her close
Like the gentle slam of a car door

Are we dancing?
Or swimming?
Or drowning?

Go ahead **** me with your words

I give up

sugar-soaked in sepia
our expressions embellished like squashed liquorice
a sticky tattoo on tattered sleeves
an exhibition of adolescence

smiles that split our faces sore
gnawed lips cracking
to reveal chattered gnashers
stained from library coffee and
polished with bargainbin toothpaste

our salted skin doused in *****
and coke – making the memory oh-so sweeter
surrounded by a band of bar-time brothers
lost in an array of technicolour strobes
oblivious to the incoming traffic
and the carcrash they call adulthood

I remember the melody being played
the regular Wednesday swansong
NOW DON'T LOOK BACK IN ANGER

I rarely do

Your tail is too curly, Just like a pig.
Your Manners are poor and you’re not very big.
Your legs are too short and they bend the wrong way.
You snore in your bed at the end of the day.

Your ears are too pointy, you look like a bat.
You won’t wear a coat or a jumper or hat.
Your fur is unruly it’s always in knots.
You will roll on a dead thing, just after it rots.

Your body is long, Like Gnashers, you’re tatty,
But you don’t like the brush and can get a bit ratty.
You grumble and swear if your dinner is late.
Not a morsel of food will be left on your plate.

Your eyes, they are covered you can’t see through your fur.
You zoom through the house til you’re only a blur.
Your temper is firey, you are quick to mouth off.
You can pull on your lead til you splutter and cough.

Your skittish outside when the night starts to fall.
You sometimes won’t ‘leave it’ or ‘come’ when I call.
You dance in the water no matter how *****.
You’re a little bit strange and your habits are quirky.

Curled like a coil, that tail starts to wiggle.
and it fills me with joy that bursts out in a  giggle.
Your short legs are strong, you can run very fast.
And you snore cos you learned, you can trust us, at last.

When your bat ears point  high and your eyes fill with light,
I know you’ve heard Dad, coming home for the night
When you are smelly, you play in the bath.
Jumping and splashing and making me laugh.

Your body’s just right to fit curled  on my knee.
Your fur’s  beautifully grey and as soft as can be.
Whatever we feed you, we know you will finish.
You eat all your meat and even your spinach.


When your fur’s brushed away, your eyes, black like coal,
glisten and shine like your beautiful  soul.
The barking’s  all bluster, but you'd die for your pack.
The noise making up, for the stature you lack.

You snuggle inside when the night starts to fall
and mostly you ‘leave it’ and ‘come’ when I call.
My terrier angel, My sweet contradiction,
Eclectic and beautiful, flawed, to perfection

the mouths of the world
are served best
by cleaning in and around the
toothy nest

good oral hygeine can't
ever be beat
tis always great feeling
a brush's Colgate treat

each pearly white we've got in
our heads
habours plaque laden decaying  
steads  

if we look after our respective
sets of gnashers  
we won't need those ill fitting
denture thrashers

Don’t need my ‘full English’ served
On a giant rectangular slab
Don’t need a dressed salad garnish
With my bacon, sausage and egg

Don’t need vine-on cherry tomatoes
Give me canned ones in juice instead
And though I’ve scoured this ridiculous slab
Can I **** find a slice of fried bread?!

And where is my builder’s tea?
English breakfast or Earl Grey’s the choice
But cutlery won’t stand up in either
I want Tetley’s, nowt else will suffice

Oh, what has happened
To the greasy spoon?
This ‘N8 Brunch’
Is loony tunes

10 of my squid
For two brittle half rashers
That crumble to dust
When faced with my gnashers

One measly egg
Yet a goblet of beans
Presented as if made
Of priceless things

Resplendent on said slab
In a vessel all of their own
Yet still I detest these things
And deign to leave them alone

And every cuppa you have
Costs an additional fee
No bottomless beverages here
No meal deal where your tipple is free

This wasn’t always the case
But gentrification is setting in
Prices soar, pretension is rife
Poshification of everything

I love London toon
Particularly Crouch End
But I’m northern at heart
And it drives me round the bend

When I’m being ripped off
Taken for a ride
Fleeced and shafted
Hung out and dried

If I pop down the road
To N22
A tenner will buy
Double the amount of food

Might not look as pretty
Might not be as ‘posh’
But at least it’s value for money
Not like detonating your dosh

Middey’s by name
****** by nature
The tiniest of fry ups
Leaves me cold by temperature

A sprinkling of rocket
Is an utter abomination
On a British institution
I can’t afford at this rate of inflation

So b*ocks to the balsamic
You sprinkled on those leaves
That didn’t belong there in the first place
Desist in future, please!

Dispense with the vegetation
The slab that should be a plate
And reinstate the greasy spoon
In my beautiful N8.