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Mateuš Conrad May 2022
sitting through a lightning storm:
i "think" i blinked twice...
come lightning: come thunder...
the deities' empty stomachs:
hungry for a sacrifice... something
requires to be eaten...

Slayer's i want to be your god...

i do... feel like a demigod...
not even *** matches up to the sensation
of chilling out during a lightning-thunder
storm...

i don't even need drugs: just delusions...
but by now: perhaps these are not delusions...
just imaginary drugs...
false beliefs? isn't that what Plato
asked Hercules of?

that conversation must have taken place:
somewhere between Mars and Jupiter...

Jeffrey Dahmer met his caricature:
i.e. Napoleon Dynamite...
and tried to laugh: but was met with
impotence of the mantis / oyster cult
of the ******...

i'll admit it though... curious... eerie looking...
bewildered... women:
oh... i didn't see you in the club...
because i was taking my Maine **** ginger
prize to the vet...
all the other cats arrived in cages...
mine? dearest Quarus...
on my lap...

    exasperating himself with heavy breathing...
do cats even have the capacity of dogs
to sweat by drooling?!
apparently they have...
if you over-excite them with:
undiscovered geography...

so i was sitting there... in the waiting room:
shh shh... hush hush darling...
curb our excitement...
like a Don Corleone...
best movie ever... star wars...
lord of the rings can hide in the shades
of the doppelgangers...
eh... mmm... just the hand movement:
the laconic: whatever...

so there he is... sitting in my lap...
hush hush... shh shh... stroking his forehead...
his nose...
under-stroking his... "chin"?!
and he's sitting pretty...
at only 8.4kg... he's still the biggest cat
in the practice...
aw... what a pretty tiger...
great! so now i have a ***** in my hands
and he's getting more attention than i will
ever get... great!

too bad he didn't freak out and didn't
start scratching the women...
either side of me...
   one with a poodle on a leash...
another with a timid rabbit...

personally? i rather take that poodle for a walk...
and feed that rabbit raw carrots and cabbage...
but there i am...
sitting pretty... my cat's not in a cage:
it could pounce any time soon...
i'm
   Don Corleone...
     i'm Azog the white orc with his
pet: that warg matriarch...
hey... i live in "fantasy" land... i stopped watching
television...
who else owned cats?!
Dr. No?             Dr. Evil?
      
i am: but then i correct myself:
there's no "i think" materialisation to counter-contend
my insinuations...
ergo? i am a multitude of "delusions"...
i also "think" that by simply "existing"
is a delusion...
it must be: it would be more authentic if i had
a repeated dream...
if my dreams were heavily: prone
to visual fabrications...

            i don't think i'd even bother to make myself:
question...
but since all my dreams i see in black:
perhaps the chance audio:
    i step back and "think":
   not all is right...
                        
  from the greatest horrors of the 20th century:
came... the greatest... creative: trailblazers...
but now?
    that's why the 20th century is so, unique!
what's that spider-man quote?
with great power... comes great responsibilities...
no horror: no imagination...
hello: Damoscl sword... just... dangling...

i'm a mediocre whoever in a time: whatever...
i "think" i'm special only because...
i live in very... mediocre times...
i know it's a delusion...
  but it's not a false belief...
            i still do belong to the 20th century...
i find myself at an age that allows me to be:
rather than become:
un-relatable to the youth...
  the world has moved on...
           everything moves on... yet returns
come noon or midnight... whatever...

i see it as the exceptional counter of art:
without exceptional suffering there will never be
an exceptional creativity...
unless i'm running solo...
     and i'm the only exhibit of creativity
and there: truly is... genuine suffering in this
world: without all the worldly constraints
akin to tapeworms...and earthquakes...

and the limitless music of...
the sound of men's necks breaking at the noose
from hanging themselves...

müdeseelen hören es erste!
tired-souls hear it first...

           und was reihe von auswahl!
and what an array of choice!

               me and my German fetish...
please! dearest god or stone:
array me with... a: dreamless night!            

gott oder stein!
     gott oder berg!
    stein an stein an stein an stein...
ich fast vergessen die meere!

                                versöhnlichsprache:
the English have nothing to do with it...
i just want to distance myself from the Russians...
because? they're being *******...

der erste... das letzte:
   der durst!
             und hunger!
das pinke: aber nicht flamingo!
    kapieren?!
                 kapieren?! n'ah: nicht kapieren!
"kapieren" ist: tod erste:
erste / durst / erste / durst...
              teuflischluftspiegelungen
von verloren liebe;

  for once: i will not translate!
                                      aus! *****! end!
das ist es!                                das ende!
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Mateuš Conrad Sep 2018
unlike these other migrants -
i remember Ilford,
during the Balkan war,
and the Kosovo refugees -
who didn't bother to remain...

refugees having this superiority
complex over
economic migrants...
somehow victim-hood is
a better economic model
than skilled labor...

i didn't assimilate into
the English culture,
i wasn't spoon-fed this
multicultural *******
where some ******* Somali
could speak down to me
because he was
bown und bwed in
Cuntish Toown...

         ****** can brown-beat
me down with his
exotica...
up to a point...

    i haven't been brain-washed
by some ideology of
assimilation / integration...
i never assimilated
or integrated into the English
"culture"...

i'll let you know...

sprache über kultur -

meine treue ist zu es ist sprache,
nicht es ist volk,
      sogar wenn ich haben
zu sprechen deutsche
!

i was never assimilated or integrated
into the English "kultur"...
i acquired it, and by acquiring it,
i acquired it to deviated from
what was being prescribed...
by a ghost consensus...

        i never signed up to some
******* Somali brown-beating me
as some minor, the always inferior,
"eastern", "European"...
    not a chance in hell...

            hölle erste,
   besagt streit? zweite
!

...and why do you think i'm
seeking escape in tickling German?
i'm not exactly bugging the Ottomans -
after all... one of the Axis powers...
   and i love my Turkish barber...

i can't imagine any other ethnicity
to have perfected the trade of
the barber...
      who... whittle east African
subsaharan Muslim with no knowledge
of the Saudi slave trade of Bangladeshi
workers?!
mouthing off his over-priced
privilege position in England?!

  bingo!
          no no no...
i'm not assimilated,
wenn es kommt bezüglich die krone?
    mein antwort "bezüglich"
eine krone?
                die ich von gott:
                 ist der ein und erst krone!

i didn't integrate or assimilate
into this "kultur"...
i made a claim for this sprechen...

  da ist nicht kultur
                             außen die zunge!

which is why i have to tease German,
the old father...
of the English tongue...
because?
   because i find the English language
plagued...
and i'm puritanical at herz.
Ken Pepiton Apr 2019
when no man pursues
the truth,

the idea which contains all true ideas, aha

ideas are ideas, roses roses, names names
all true
evil ideas are in the set of true ideas as
sure as pi is in the set of true numbers,

i think

When the wicked rule the people mourn,
I think

How are all ideas equalible?
How is any idea equalible quant wise re
(long turbulent selah, lts)
questing
help, this is a talking point.
(lts)
okeh. for the future, I see.

we can make these faster with ideas pouring
into words flowing from gentled
untame-ible tongues,
----- untame-able is not
----- untame-ible, this may be an object
----- ifier lesson

-tension that re
l-eases
silent
darts, bullets(silent kind), missles, hymns'n'such
pointy grippy handles for cud
chawn story points upon
which any true story
idea must stand.
in spiritarian.
addinph
unitem

spirit and image of your father.
ohmygawd
Ambush
Clam slam shut, swoohoosh
pop

The infer
(implication layer upon layer,
thicker and thicker
naquering laquering query, could be dem pearl-ly gates,
early version o' Feynman's reversible tristatic NAND gates,
which work on ideas harnessed...)

see, there's the rub. one wee tetrahedral
trypointy foursidy sort of pearl maker
with words made
conversation

verses
versus insane unsane saners saved
by grace unmazing ungnostic
mumbling glosalialy
knot knox nor any o'them
puritans detected the
leaven in the game,
the periment
let out the
box,

"a republic, if you can keep it." unsaid went,
we cast all our cares to the gyre giver
guiding the great gulf river of pro
sperity providing us
our perspicacity.

Would that one might see one day,
the outcome of our American
experiment in leaven
in forming idle words mit ganz alte wahrheit

in dem Erste Zepto Planck Sec

just now. The idea that won was thought.
Good think you think.
We shall see.
Call your truth true.
Stand under knowing good and evil,
both, how and why, then chose,

knowing, my side won.
I only ment to write some talking points and the the points started being made faster than I cared to row against, so I meandered with the stream to this still pond.
Jonas Feb 2021
Aufstehen, von der Sonne geweckt

der erste Kaffe steht bereit
Katzen die sich in Gärten strecken
du liest ein Buch, das tu ich auch
die Hängematte, schwingt zwischen den Tannen
Tauben zirpen, Zickarden gurren
dein Eis schmilzt und tropft
sonnengebleichte Haare steht in die Richtung des Windes
braungebrannte Haut schwitzig, später salzverkrustet
Sonnencremduft, an uns
Pommes rotweiß an den Fingern, klebrig
die Sonne blendet, ist  schon okay
Wellenrauschen, tobende Kinder kreischen
Sand zwischen den Zehen
du neben mir auf dem Handtuch
gemeinsam dösen
gehen wir nochmal rein?
Gösser, der letzte Schluck
ein bisschien zu warm
Dämmerung Barfuß auf dem Fahrrad
Lagerfeuerrauch in Augen und Nase,
blaue Flamme Knack zisch
weinrotgefärbte Lippen, Zungen so schwer wie der Kopf
Zeitlos

Bis morgen!
John F McCullagh Feb 2015
First we heard the distant drone
of their oncoming planes.
We raced towards the shelters
but could not out run the flames.
A package of incendiaries
Freed from a Bomb bay door
Melted Martin Luther’s
bronze statue in the mall.
The city center is ablaze;
thousands maimed or dead.
This was our first night of fear
But they would come again.




Zuerst das ferne Dröhnen hören wir
ihrer entgegenkommenden Flugzeuge.
Wir rasten in Richtung der Unterstände
konnte aber nicht aufgebraucht, die Flammen.
Ein Paket von Brandstifter
Von einer Bombe Bucht Tür befreit
Geschmolzene Martin Luthers
Bronzestatue in der Mall.
Das Stadtzentrum ist in Brand;
Tausende verstümmelt oder tot.
Dies war unsere erste Nacht der Angst
Aber sie wiederkommen würden.
February 13, 1945, the first night of the Bombing of the German city of Dresden, considered by many to \be a war crime committed by the Allies.
Mateuš Conrad Jun 2017
the first layer is p.t.s.d. free
                                       orientation...
   i call it the ***** brigade,
                       a strong psyche,
   or at least something akin
to a ******... and i knew some would-be
footballers, aged 15 / 16,
  dropping ****** rather than ecstasy...
   a weird experience seeing it happen...
his name? ryan.... ryan cyrmy...
  however you spell the last name...
i found him popping ******
  on a night out...
        can you imagine it?!
no, don't know my potential,
it's still very much anime fantasy...
            the worst sadists come
clothed in the following:
save a drowning puppy,
           forget the drowning toddler.
            per-fe-ction!
oh sadists are above psychopaths,
  they're an anti-thesis
to the psychopathic theoretical...
   muder industrailised is
an anaesthetic...
   ****** solo?
               that's an adrenaline rush...
but genocide? i.e.
the industrialisation of ******?
   no misnomers here, sure
homocide, whatever... let's not
get into the correct word,
  when deviating with "misnomers"...
   industrialised ****** is
  an anaesthetic...
                  ****** one on one?
that's pure
                 adrenaline...
       they do say that p.t.s.d.
arises from what evil you did,
rather than what evil was done unto you...
sure enough, imagine firing
a machine gun, and then having
to return to a society, where
boiling water for a cup of tea,
could also seem dangerous in your
murderous hands...
           within comparison?
i like to think of the undiagnosed:
  p.c.s.d. (post-colonial-stress-disoder)...
   and if you come from an ethnicity
that had and has encompassed
a nationhood, without colonising other
nations...
            it's a grand joke,
i'm just making jokes over a slobbering
pope, that, if god endowed him the wiser
step, would have been a lesser saint
or no saint at all, but at least
                           a fond memory,
of the sickly pope emaritus,
    that taoist pope i wish he would have
become... to ease the world,
                 let the world forget you;
but now... semi-, completely senile...
      slobbering, needing a napkin to catch
the saliva oozing from his
            pseudo-brain-haemorrhage;
ya... ob nur papst rentner:
      pig latin makes germanic sparrow -
none are exact...
       but at least we can
conclude: at least it was a singing
        cucumber pickle singing in the
barrel with the pickled barbarossa
in jerusalem... singing...
     when the boy is resurrected and sings:
crow for crow, and a thousand number of
the crow throng! so the red king arises
once more!
          precursor i guess...
                            bartablondine.
Maximilian Nov 2018
Ach, Sarah über das Zeichen beim Dasein
Wie der gesammelten Wege eines Weges
Des goldenen Feldweges rein charme

Der warm tragenden Wände unter die Schatten
Die heißersehnte Erfassung
Wird die Freiheit des ewigen Raumes geben
Auf die Hand zur Leinwand des Antlitzes der Natur
Die Quellen der Submarine, der versteckte reine erste Mensch

Den Thron zu führen, das Flüstern nicht aufgezählt der Weisheit der Wehen
Der lebendige Anfang der schaffenden Zeit.
Me Dec 2015
Eigentlich gehört
        Der erste Gedanke,
Wenn ich aufstehe,

Immer dir.
Ken Pepiton Oct 15
Stop all efforting to know, and think
knowing is going on well known, without me.

No childhood duty to cultured honor, do I feel.

No grain of sand among all the stars beyond us,
in the middle of any given night in the desert, we
see, am I nor any other, listening, waiting, thinking
as the we involved in using time to think with, once,

then again, aware more now than ever before, we
are not the first to formulate means for making peace

in time of constant readiness to agressively defend,
the story of us, our nation and vocabulary of knowing,

all the words in all the books, at a touch, see this
means that, gnative tongue tying truths to us,
cognative clear translation is ours, in other words,
we who comprehend the shibboleth as ours to say
right, ya'll say ain't we say do not attempt am not I
in a kind sibalence hush
of meaning seeking mode, hiding
wills to wonder curiously curia classified
rules allowing religious proof of science lying,

while earnest diligence duly done, indeed
instantly acknowledging holy truth is plausible,
as awfully awesome instances of answered aha
per haps, haps may tie it all to me through you,
ready steady friend in times
of deepest lonely me
self deluding independent thought
dominion, in old age, seven decades and above, we
become the prayers of saints, as we choose
to define refined sophia recipes,
in unsophisticated self taught grammars,
using only matter we have at hand, in truth, mere
words, liberally offered and left to show, the way
we made up this mind, this formal structural me
hold, metaphorical jug of ra' towb experience, I
- while sorting idle words from active verbs
imagine, any willing to read a line, ready
to make another think it through, to this end

that we may be in one mind, or of one mind,
preposed to say we agree with exceptionalists,

as by virtue of becoming a breathing word user,
each becomes a knower of how peace is made,

when none has been, in the mind of a long generation,
Prince of Peace, perceive the irony, toes rusting
stuck in the mud we expected… as we see on TV,

the murderous wille zur erste, none recall who won…
now that the long sought, even desperately prayed for,
Northwest Passage by Sea is open, year-round,

and now no fish contain no plastic, tic, tic, tic
and now the shallow seas once teeming with creation,

cover Florida, up to Lake Okefanchokee with detritus.
Titles are tricky to keep totally reasonably tied to why I write.
https://discourse.biologos.org/t/good-and-evil-towb-and-ra/51238... essential background noise... to know what I meant to mean considerable as new known.
Mateuš Conrad Mar 2022
hmm. bewildering little me...
little me bewildering me...
i walked into the supermarket...
pumped up from a bicycle ride...
no... i will not buy a Lucozade Sports
drink: high in...
whatever it takes to rehydrate...
salts, potassium... etc.
electrolytes...
  i need something to bite...
please: god no... no fruits... it's still borderline
winter...
i need some nourishment...
something primordial was woken in me
today...
            the usual bottle of pepsi max
and Whyte & Mackay whiskey... a litre
of which i'm about to finish...
i need something to bite into...
hmm...
          no... not a carrot...
i eat plenty of onions: that's almost similar...
ah!
    a swede! perfect!
and i stood in the car park...
contemplating if there might be some
Monet in the sky.... none...
hmm... all that's missing is...
some tatties and some haggis...
   raw swede... eating it... i felt...
primordial... eternal even...
             having a look around...
UBER drivers coming and going with...
orders of processed beef... burgers...
while i'm here... eating a raw root of swede...
mmm.. almost reminds me of eating
a radish... there's a spiciness associated with
it... ancient Europeans didn't have access to
the spice that's chilly... ergo?
horseradish... so i'm chewing at this root...
trying to look as if i'm thinking:
only with the tender night do i know...
the sad reality... i'm sort of heartbroken...
the girl's dog would lick my knuckle wounds...
but she rejected me...
now i know... in group girl *****-fights...
one single mother fighting another single mother...
what a sad affair...
       come to me when i'm 60 and no longer
"available"... by then i'll have all the assets...
oh **** me: by then... it's going to be a proper
Hopper circus...
      the one i had stomach cramps over...
was ushered out of my life by...
another woman... who else?
           girls competing... what an ugly affair...
mind you... when i die...
i'll miss my personal library...
             i don't need to upfront my language
like some Erasmus... all formal etc.,
the basic deeds...
               a return to something humane...
so i just stood there...
biting into this raw bulb of swede... trying to think...
no thought came... lightning could have arrived
sooner... well... much better...
enough juice in the root... to have to resort
to something labelled... bottled...
in plastic... i felt content... primitive...
even the cashier gave me the look of...
you're buying... a bottle of whiskey...
a bottle of pepsi... and... a head of a swede?!
confused... i too found myself slightly confused...
i hate fruit...
i ******* hate fruit...
oranges, apples... pears...
they're not for me... all the gifts of Hades...
the minerals... gold, iron... carrot...
swede... parsley...
           so i'm chewing... and chewing...
working out the details of my jaw-line...
oh... wow... an imagining of a ******* from
ex_machina...
          that's nice... but still no Monet...
               fair enough... the grey grit...
the ******* *******... random... the raw swede...
it was a most welcome moment...
i could hear the crunch through my earphones...
a few children scuttled past...
i just heard the inquiry: what's that crunch?
oh... the argument against this supposed
"patriarchy"? imagine... if...
a patriarchy wasn't in place...
   imagine... if: MOTHER nature had her sway...
i wouldn't be arguing with certain people...
they'd, be, DEAD...
i'd juggernaut them to the sweet, sweet sleep
of death... man tried to overcome nature...
sure... he failed with containing earthquakes...
tsunamis... etc.
            but... that's a matter for the Titans to discuss...
for the elemental pentagram...
but... what the feminists spew?
you, really think? the people talking....
would be alive... if i had my... NATURAL SWAY?!
i don't think so... look at my restraints...
look at them... they are invisible...
they are constrained by patriarchy...
man trying to overcome the cruelty of nature...
oddly enough... oops...
what arrived with Darwinism?
the insurrection of nature into the dynamic of
man's attempt to overcome nature...
someone more sober and more worried
than me has to take over... this narrative...
but if patriarchy wasn't in place...
i'd run a riot...
          these little people cushioned by a hierarchy
would stand no... defence for me to bypass!
it's a losers' game... after all...
if nature had its proper sway...
               all these... patriarchal defense mechanisms...
would be... wait... dissolved...
if the primordial man were to be unleashed...
you'd be basically unleashing the Mongol
from the 13th century...
      lucky me: for my chains...
               **** these women, these modern...
whatever(s)... leftovers...
              if the man in me was allowed to recirprocate
the man of old... but then again...
for that to happen... the modern woman would
have to be as good a **** as the the woman of old...
but i hardly think... that's about to happen...
lazy *****... i have to visit prostitutes
to get something worthwhile....
******* Aaron Copland Appalachian Spring Suite...
strange gifts?
       eh... or... by the looks of it...
by the smell of it... i'm boozing... drinking to excesses
yet to be matched...
ergo? i'm ******* out... a streak of *******
ammoniac lemonade!
                 good... between Aaron Copland's strange
gifts... Beethoven's ode to joy...
Rammstein's Zeit... and Thomas Newman's
any other beauty... and... eating a head of a swede raw...
you're joking... it will have to take me eating an
onion, to prove a point?
how about we bypass the onion...
let's  start off with teeth of garlic... how about that?
what a strange way to live:
with a longing... life so incomplete...
                 it's a life that doesn't even allow sadness...
to make it into a culprit...
something equivalent to a blink...
             tonight's tonight...
                     black is black...
                                     if "these" people lived uinder
the dictum of nature... they'd ne dead....
sane... counter nature counter god man... tried...
these people... if they were exposed
to the totality of nature...
        *****, please...
                           you're ******* dead!
patriarchy is the only thing keeping you alive...
if... go... defend... the necrophilic retrogrades
of Egypt... it's Africa, after all...
if nature... had its proper sway...
mouth-offs of the current climate of "conversation"
would be... dead,,,
by the structure of the Wehrmacht...
               dead...           dead...              dead:
sie sind nichts!
                                         sie sind alle!
jetzt... fühlen was ich fühlen!
    das ist die nur-Wwhrheit!             ah...
Deutsche bla bla...
                        erste... zuletzt...
                             ich denken deshalb...
deshalb.. oh sweet melancholy.

— The End —