the smell of happiness it is no more
the stench of worry lingers the air
a wall of thorns covered with ugliness
holds a rose that use to be pure and white
but now is stained black with pain

plucked from it's tree is a
black rose withering slowly with
a fading perfume of true sadness
crying with its petals closed

eyes filled with hesitation
so soft to the touch yet so
dry like a sandy desert island
a soul that dreams just too much

pokking through the mind's crevices
covered in rust completely deep within
is a growing disease of emotions with
a heart that ticks but too full to beat
yet pumpimg slow is cold yet thin blood
this face is a fountain spraying out dust

a wall of distrust holds bricks burning
just like a fire thats has lost control
a stomp of hatred has just taken over every
part of this heart once filled of love

with no time to enhale it all in
a soft and warm yet crying soul
is dripping wet with darkend fear
strangled by the tightened barbwire
cutting through each and every petal
leaving behind scars with shreds of pain
covering every inch of this garden of hell

Doin' a little drinkin' tonight
Doin' a little thinkin' tonight
Smokin' a cig as I sit here and dig inside my head for thoughts of positivity.
Doin' a little soul searchin' tonight
Doin' a little liein' to myself tonight
Tippin' a bottle up and feelin' it burn all the way down to my core.
Doin' a little hurtin' tonight
Doin' a little cryin' tonight
Enhaling smoke and ingesting nicotine with each drag I take.
Fightin' a little battle tonight
Screamin' inside my head tonight
My body is weary my soul distressed and tore.
Doin' a little forgettin' tonight
Doin' a little rememberin' tonight
With each sip I take it feels like such a contradiction of my feelings.
Feelin' a little lost tonight
Feelin' a little tipsy tonight
With each enhale and exhale the more confused I get.
Feelin' a little uncertain tonight
Feelin' a little bitter tonight
How much more of this can I take?
Holdin' on tonight for dear life
Lettin' go tonight for heaven's sake
Every beat of my heart proves I still must endure this life and these feelings.
Wantin' to talk to you tonight
Wantin' to hold you tight tonight
When I feel the cool night breeze on my cheek I snap out of thoughts and back to reality.
Wantin' to run away tonight
Wantin' to stand still tonight
Every star I count is just a wish that won't come true.
Bein' alone tonight
Bein' sad tonight
So I'm gonna try and drink all these thoughts, feelings, and frustrations away tonight.


Author Notes
this is a typical night for me lately....
© Ashley Rodden. All rights reserved

He didn't tell me
Pucker up,
kiss your life goodbye, you know it wont stay.
He told me how to
Enhale the right way.

I finally got the chance
To change the tone
It was just right
A brand new one too 

...Days past...
...No calls...
...No text...

I sat in my quiet room
In front of my desk
With no sound  around
A good time to think
A good time to write
Yep all alone
In my own world

Always before I begin
I take in a deep breath
Just to get things flowing

...WOW !!! ...

At that very moment
I heard it
Loud as day
It Echoed
Through the room
With good acoustics
Because of all the
wood floors

flipping out my chair
I flew just sliding
Across the room
I hit the floor hard
I was punched off guard
Choaking on my enhale
Laughing with my exhale

Yep! no scratches
No bumps or bruises
Up off the floor I jumped
Just fine I am

Oh yeah
That's right
I just remembered
What tone it was
I set
My own high pitched voice

"Someone's Texting You"

LOL...LOL... LOL...

This has really happened
Yet it is all so very true
I'm still laughing on the inside
And yes if you were there
You'd be laughing too...

Like the cigarettes I smoke I enhale these regrets.