by Arcassin Burnham




she was 5'2,
black hair,
long nails,
prettiest personality,
hair flowing through the wind whispfully,
all round person as you can see,
but me,
i wasn't very talkable,
and even my darkest hour,
i wouldn't hold her accountable,
i swear feels like eachday would last til an eternity,
so grateful when i saw her,
and she noticed me,
wasn't in the best of moods,
she saw tthem in my body language,
picking out different girls to make me happy later,
i was astonished,
every night in her room talking about different things,
like the wedding dresses and the wedding rings,
not knowing i would do anything to make her say,
i love you and i do,
hoping the feelings change,
just know that i love you too,
going to the mall picking things out to make her smile,
since her last boyfriend haven't seen that in awhile,
thinking about the features,
if we had a child...

I wake up every morning wishing that I hadn't and its a battle to get up and ready for school. When I manage to go in I act happy and cheerful and no one seems to see through my disguise. That's why it's so hard for me to find any reason to stay alive, I know no one would care or notice if I disappeared tonight or tomorrow, no one would miss me.
   School is hell to me. It used to be my only escape but now it's where the people speak and whisper their lies and rumours. It's where they bad mouth self-harmers and suicidal people, it's where they don't care who they hurt as long as they stay cool.
   Coming home after school is a nightmare, I know it's where my mum's disappointed face awaits me to question me about my day. I know it's where one of my little sister rubs it in my face that she is better than me, and finally it's where my youngest sister is so sensitive and naive that the cuts on my wrists are mysterious to her. All I do is fail, disappoint and let people down.
   Evening comes and my thoughts are even wilder then they are through the day; this is the only time I eat a meal and I fell backing  about that. Evenings are were I get worse, where I feel myself slipping under. The evenings are the Times when I long to **** myself. I hate life and when I finally fall asleep I wish I never wake again.
   One day my story will change; I would have no morning and I would  have no night, I would have a coffin and a whole in the ground. I would be happily dead hopefully sometime soon.

I cut
I slice
I tear
I open
I split
I divide
I crack
I break
I destroy every part of me eachday for you

I smile
I lie
I laugh
I giggle with every part of me eachday for you

By Arcassin Burnham

My body and my soul is not luxury,
I'm glad to take a loss since I took so many,
I would die for you if you're a friend to me,
The inner parts of my life might end up in an agony,
Does it cost to me?

**** me off and become a pile,
Of rotten flowers on the floor smothered in the nile,
Not a savior or your brother,  not looking for a smile,
Pull a card out of the deck and take me to being a child.
Is it worth while?

/

In my own element, in unwinding sentiment,
The peace and the life of an uncritically punishment,
Hear no evil,
See no evil,
But hear no one when they're on that *******,
Trying hard,
Eachday,
Not enough,
To not end up in up the devil's pit,
Slaughter house,
Corporations,
Secret society,
They've been plotting on us all,
Trust no one,
Use your sight,
Stay awake,
Hope we don't all fall.

if i were a boy..
i'd care enough to say i miss you when im away..
i'd sit down and talk..
make you feel better, so that u dont miss me that much...

if i were a boy,
i'd step up to you,
and and show how much i love you, when you re insecure..

if i were a boy,
i wouldn't hide,
i would let you know my feelings,
and be with u even when i hurt you, if u cry...

if i were a boy,
i'd say i love you only when i mean it,
and mean it everyday,
even though u re the same eachday..