"askim" poems
I forgot what i was going to write you
I know it was important
It had something to do with life
Or was it death
I'm not a word man anyway
I spent my lot
It's gone
It used to be like an eternal fountain
The gifts just kept on coming
I was a zeitgeist monsoon
A freak outbreak of the
had to do's
There was was never a question of asking
if
Or
when
It would come
It was just
the
Viscera
Of
Life
Jul 22, 2018
Jul 22, 2018 at 9:21 PM UTC
I had the hope of seeing you this week… in my heart I wanted to see you. But I knew you wouldn’t be there. And when I arrived there, I couldn’t feel you.
I knew you weren’t there.
The place felt empty. It felt like I didn’t have a purpose there.
I still looked for you… in every new face, there was a little flicker of hope that maybe it was you. Followed by a stab of disappointment…
I was in the city where we met in recently. Boy did that **** with my head. I was walking the street alone…drunk and high… just walking inside my feelings, when I saw you. I swear. I walked past this girl and there was no doubt in my mind it was you. None.
I lost the ability to breathe… half doubled over I spun around and circled back, in shock and disbelief. Approaching the girl, wide eyed… it clearly wasn’t you…
I’ve never been so relieved and upset at the same time. Yes, that’s a weird feeling.
I staggered back down the street. Shaking my head in disbelief… I saw you Askim. I saw you. It was beautiful. A few seconds with my Ikizim.
I had a thought today. What if I’ve seen you for the last time… what if… that’s it. What if we never feel each others vibration again.
what if…
Oct 14, 2022
Oct 14, 2022 at 8:20 AM UTC
My love, I miss you.
I wrote to you last night. At midnight. Poured my heart out, and deleted it. It wouldn’t have done you any good.
I wanted to write to you, to let you know I’m missing you. And I still love you, Askim.
You came to me in my dreams a few nights ago… it was so lovely to see you again. But it’s left me fragile.
You’ve been on my mind for days now.
I just wanted to put this out into the universe for you. It’s all I can do.
**
Dec 31, 2022
Dec 31, 2022 at 4:18 PM UTC
I miss you so much Askim…
I miss your friendship most of all. I miss my Ikizim. Are we really going to go through the rest of our lives without our Ikizim? Really baby?
I know we can’t talk… I know he wouldn’t allow it. It’s pretty ****** tbh… but I respect that. **** me, I’ve caused enough tears for one lifetime. For that, I apologise.
The last thing I’ll ever do is complicate your life again. I’m just sitting here silently. This is my only outlet. So please forgive me for writing. Not that you read it anyway.
I never expected to meet Ikizim. It’s just not possible to unforget. I just can’t unforget you.
Ikizim **
May 20, 2022
May 20, 2022 at 12:55 AM UTC
I understand what you needed to do
It’s how you did it that ripped my heart out
I always supported you
I was always there for you
You turned your back on me
Cut me off
Cut me down
Like I was nothing
I’ve never hurt like that
It took me to the brink of life
That pain is still with me after all these years
A dull throbbing deep in my heart
An eternal sadness
Once was Askim
No more
Apr 25, 2019
Apr 25, 2019 at 6:59 PM UTC
You’d be proud of me Askim
I’ve achieved so much
I’m driven by the pain
**** it burns inside me
I want you to be proud
Despite my anger
I guess you’ll never know now
So what does it matter
Aug 10, 2019
Aug 10, 2019 at 7:43 AM UTC
Askim
I don’t mean to bother you. I just needed to let out some emotions.
I spent this week in your city, and it weighs on me. Just a few weeks ago, I was back in the city we met. And you were in my deepest thoughts. And it’s been a challenge. I’ve been up and down.
I still see you everywhere.
Walking the streets of your city is one of the more nerve wracking and anxiety producing things I’ve done for a while.
I was having lunch this week with your recently departed colleague, who spoke of you, for what seemed like an eternity. All I could do was just breathe in deeply and exhale slowly… while trying to keep my composure. Oh… and… he was pretty happy to get a break from your boss!
I wore your socks and scarf today. Wearing your scarf has an intensity that I can’t quite describe. 2/3 comforting and 1/3 torture. It’s a rather sadistic experience.
Askim, I’m a little perplexed by your enthusiasm to video chat and send gifts, followed by a rather cold semi-silence. We’re all human and it’s not like I haven’t had my moments too! but that messed me around a little.
It’s cool. You can be whoever you want, but it definitely was an unexpected ride.
I didn’t think I was going to write for a long time yet… but it all just bubbled up inside me tonight, right when I was watching GA, funnily enough.
I miss you, Askim.
I haven’t lost the dream…
Work is pretty ******* right now too actually. There’s about to be a blood bath. I’m pretty sure I’m safe, but it’s about to get ugly.
So yeah, the past month has been splendid and smooth.
Anyway, that’s my update.
Don’t worry, I won’t make this a habit. I just had to let the emotions out tonight.
Take care, Askim **
Sep 8, 2023
Sep 8, 2023 at 9:02 AM UTC
Askim,
I came and I left. I missed you. Gosh how I missed you. I don’t feel like I’m even allowed to admit it. I surely don’t feel like I can email this to you. I missed you.
It’s been a while since I’ve felt a tear roll down my cheek. Let alone many.
It’s been a big week. I kicked ***
I miss you.
I sorry. I’m supposed to be stronger.
I just have a lot of emotion to release and it’s all coming out tonight.
Maybe I should I delete this. I don’t even know.
I feel like we’re more lost than we’ve ever been. But maybe that’s just me. I feel quite lost at the moment. Generally.
I’m not sending this so you can save me. I’m just burning up on the inside and I need to let it out. I’m sorry.
I wish I was stronger.
Mar 30, 2023
Mar 30, 2023 at 8:01 AM UTC
My askim
My love
My soul
Lost
This is all I have
It still stings like the day I lost her
Forever lost
Once was Askim.
Apr 24, 2019
Apr 24, 2019 at 5:42 PM UTC
I miss you Askim
I miss talking to you…
I miss making love…
I miss having a friend who knows me inside out…
I miss cups of tea together…
I miss caring about you…
I miss ironing your shirts in the morning and helping you roll up your sleeves…
I miss kissing you…
I miss my friend and lover…
I miss you so much babe :/
I can’t quite wrap my head around that we’re not going to talk again. It just doesn’t feel right. So like… that’s it babe?
Will I ever hug you again?
Will I ever make love to you again?
I’m thinking probably not… but I refuse to let go. Even if you have :/
I should sleep. Gotta check out of the hotel and fly home one last time this year.
I wish I could swing past for a hug on the way :(
Dec 7, 2022
Dec 7, 2022 at 1:38 PM UTC
You’d be proud of me Askim.
I know it didn’t turn out how you wanted.
Work **** well saved me from destruction. From myself.
And I’ve been crushing it.
I may still get crushed, but **** me, I’ll die trying.
What else is there now that you’re gone forever?
There’s just an empty black hole. And a fire that burns me alive.
May 13, 2020
May 13, 2020 at 7:37 AM UTC
I saw you in my dream a few nights ago
I hadn’t seen you in years…
I cherished it askim
Miss you x
Aug 18, 2022
Aug 18, 2022 at 8:10 AM UTC
You saved yourself
Did what you had to do
I took advantage of you
Hold your head high
You took care of it
Nothing to see here
Just a train wreck
Long gone
No longer smouldering
Just a dull throbbing
An eternal sadness
Once Was Askim.
May 8, 2019
May 8, 2019 at 6:56 AM UTC
Oh Askim. Here’s to me missing you from a hotel room on the other side of the world. You should see the city lights. They’re beautiful, but I’d trade them for a log cabin and a big garden with you…
Miss you **
Nov 21, 2022
Nov 21, 2022 at 8:06 AM UTC
Barely a day goes by where I don’t think about you, Askim
Some days I’m at peace with our distance
But often, it overcomes me and I find myself whispering to myself “I miss you, Askim”
Sending my melancholy into the wind
You’re on my mind tonight and I don’t want to let you go
Please forgive my indulgence of writing this to the universe and upsetting your energy
I still dream of us… as foolish as that may be
Sometimes Askim, I struggle with your words
They’re distant, entirely pleasant and friendly
You’re there, but you’re not there
I understand. You can’t say hello and risk another goodbye. I get it…
I just miss you, Askim **
Apr 10, 2024
Apr 10, 2024 at 10:46 AM UTC