long black curly hair
strong nose and chin together
soft brown eyes watch me

i'm just a small girl
how can he love me like that?
I'll believe him, though.


smiles traded nice
no akwardness anywhere
maybe it IS true

so many others
how can he choose, me? Alyse?
i'm just a small girl!

but yet his eyes watch
fill with love that makes me weak
my mexican boy

steps taken to home
old memories rush to see
he CAN be mine now!

it's just me and my Mexican boy, the one who i love, and the one who loves me

Until the sun has crossed the zenith,
I would like to wander, across and beneeth, the mountains, or perhaps simply a valley, if the weather is blissful and kind once more,
I want to read the scripture, given to me and study it without bore,
Perhaps tea would suit me well, maybe I will remain lazy as I dwell,
I want to feel the gentle breeze of the spring getting lost in daydreams
Maybe a shining barrage will be fine, oh no it would be a crime, getting lost in unfulfillable fantasies which bring glee, wonderfully,
I want to eat some cake, discussing astronomy, the beauty of space,
Oh how beautiful it would be, to see your joyful, sweet gaze during it

What I desire might sound extra ordinary, but worry not my dear,
Because you know, I live in fear, isolation and akwardness here,
I make all these plans, yet in the end, none will be fulfilled, you hear?
After all, I got no friends to talk to, but reading should be very fun,
And I might not be too lazy to walk alone if it is under the sun,
But do not worry about me, no one does, I am just me,
A sea of love with no one to be

~ Umi

Aren't you tired?
Tired of living,
Tired of looking in the mirror,
Thinking you're ugly,
Listening to the public,
Thinking they are breaking you.
Aren't you tired?
Tired of the corruption,
The death,
The cursing of names,
The depression of the new generation, because of social ideas.
Aren't you tired?
Tired of listen to people saying this is hip,
That's cool,
You have got to get this,
Nah... This is better,
That looks like ****,
You're old,
You're boring,
**** this or **** that?
Aren't you tired of being stepped on?
Aren't you tired of social akwardness?
Of the things people do, only because they want to get attention.
Of the things people will say, because they're scared of what other people may think.
Of the things people follow, to stay cool.
Aren't you tired?
Tired of living the same life as all the other people out there?
Aren't you tired?
If yes, then why not be your own person,
Why not break the rules and be special, be unique, be who you want to be?
If yes, then why not try and change it?

American society
How it isolates

How it isolates
The individual

I am 30
I am poor

Do my job
And save money

It's just like monopoly money
Now anyhow

I spent an hour or so
At the nature park meditating

The woman in her car
Stopped in her civic
In the middle of the street
For no apparent reason

As I ate my dried apricots

Do I live on some type
Of matrix computer simulation?

Things seem predetermined

I'd like to hang out with friends
For a bit
Or just relax with a woman
A kind and caring woman

But I'll go to the gym
Then go to bed alone
Like I always do

Would just like a good female friend
Maybe one day

So what is "it"
What is this life?

The only thing that can be
Agreed upon is that
We have to keep on keeping on
I guess

Wheel in the sky keeps on turning

Sad at times
This life

The loneliness of it

And my shoulder
The akwardness of it

And how should I feel
What should my feelings be
Toward this human existence

I like humor
I guess I'll go to the gym again
Later tonight

I send a hug out
I hope a woman returns
And gives me a hug
I love caring women
They are wonderful

A man of Tao is
Not understood
He seems dull

The Tao of heaven
Is work without effort

Driving around
Looking at the Christmas Eve lights

When to the mansion
Where they do the big
Nativity scene
Every year

Well done

Life as the show
The big show

And I thought that
A big joke
Was being played
On me

The joke of life

And I thought of God
As a neutral clockmaker

I have had some improvement
With the akwardness of my body

I thought about how
I'll always be alone

I thought about how
America will one day
Be in ruins

Am I afraid?
Not really

Savor the good days
I tell myself as the
Terrible ones
Will come soon enough

And I thought of
All the suffering
On this miserable planet

It's an empty program
An empty simulation
Just a bunch of times
With no inherent meaning

On and on
Too much time on here
Tired eyes, no female friends

When the end comes
I'll just an apple I suppose

Trapped in this Home
A full grown eagle
Since 1997 I have lived here

My talons are sharp
My patience is wearing thin

And these dachsunds
Bark too much

Haha
Oh well
I don't suppose it matters

And who is this Rachelle?
She came to the door selling something
I didn't see what

I never know who will stop by
It is truly a strange world
Some friend of mother

I offered her a glass of water
Asking her name
I said, "I think we met before some time ago."

Thank goodness mother came home
I think I made Rachelle feel akward
With my akwardness, haha

Goodbye Rachelle
I go now
To the golf course

See you in a few years maybe
When you stop by again
On a Thursday afternoon

Haha!

It's hard to be two selves
Existing in one

When every day is exhausting
It's not at all fun

Li_ will celebrate Christmas
And not give a thought to me

It's easy when you have
People you love
And a great family

Hard when you feel alone
When you grow tired of your home

I'll spend Christmas morning
In my car
I won't drive far

There is a more of me
In my left shoulder
That in my right

My head doesn't feel centered
And its not alright

I do physical therapy
Stretches, and weights everyday
I just want symmetry
Want the akwardness
To go away

I used to be happy
I used to be able to feel

Now its just one emotion
Now you know the deal

Well my therapist
Never really cared

I'm just a lonesome body
Somewhere out there....

I can hope
I can wish
I can cry
I can pray

But my akward shoulder
Is not going away

Beautiful women
Like the woman
At the car repair shop

Don't ever want to be with me
Okay!

I'm gangly
And akward
Arms swinging

At my side

This stupid
Akward shoulder

I cannot hide

I'm really ******* tired of it too
And there is nothing
In the world
Anyone can do

The therapists gave me exercises
And I did them all okay

Now the shoulders
Are at the same level
But the akwardness
Won't go away

You ask me why it's akward
Well I'll tell you why
You can see

This is not how a man of Tao
Is supposed to be

And the left it just too big
It doesn't match at all

Like humpty dumpy
His shoulder probably got messed up
After he fell off the wall

Another lonely weekend
I was asked how it was

This akward shoulder really hurts me
It does, it does

cries

And I do not need sympathy
Just a hug will do
Where is my loving female friend?
I hope she would want
To hug me too

Although most people are quite nice to me
I'm still always expecting them to be mean
to hurt me
again
like they used to do
fulfill my expectations

It's kinda funny

I get nervous when I have to meet someone
new
Why is that?
I'm shaking, heart is racing, hands are sweating
I can't get anything done beforehand
but have to keep myself busy
so I won't go crazy

Killing time till the time comes
to be late
to be nervous
can't be myself,
to scared to be bold
let the akwardness unfold