I would rather be empty
Than lead a shallow life.

I miss blue eyes that no longer weep

Walk through the house
Because I just can't sleep
I wear your old blue blouse
keeping your presence close

I cry for eyes that no longer weep

©js/2014

I sat down with you
In the coolness of the night air
Watching you sip Dr. Pepper
After a long day's work
I listened to the sounds of summer
Watched a few stars twinkling
In the jet colored sky
We were happily chit-chatting
About this and that
We were all together
Just us three
Oh, those summer evenings
Gone forever
Only shadows remain
Touching my heart

**~Marian~

This sadness, this numb
It is not poetic.
I cannot write about galaxy ridden veins
or fire seared eyes

This sadness, this emptiness
It is not beautiful
There will be no heroic sweeping away of broken princesses by
princes with cigarette clenched teeth
or ***** laced lips

This sadness, this gut-wrenching pain
Will not be daises in Marlboro boxes
It can't be unraveled threads sewed back
by an infinite but dysfunctional love

No, no.

This sadness isn't any of that.

This sadness, it's raw
It hurts to look at but it's torture to bear
People look away from this type of sadness
Because it sure as hell ain't pretty.
But what it is is real
This is the sadness that, once moved past, is never forgotten

It's worn like armor in battle
Like a coat of arms

This sadness makes you a **soldier

Im fed up of the heartache,
Fed up of the pain,
Fed up of the tears rolling down my chin,
Life is a battle that im trying my best to win.
From morning light till the dark of the night,
Its fight, fight, fight,
Fighting to smile,
Trying not to cry,
Is this a battle that I'm even gonna win?

words and feelings and actions and thoughts
tend to congeal together with time
my creative spontaneous quick thinking
cost me clock ticking

my age grows larger and I begin to rot
I watch people function domino effect
followed by theories directly speaking
Freud and other teachings

completely speaking
open unrevealing
doors and locks
with rooms crisply burnt
or merely dreaming

White walled rooms
recently inhabiting
night engines, dream catchers
conversations via phone-
the private type in a bedroom
alone
White walled rooms
now emptied by bodies
with strong meaty arms and legs

Quickly gotta move out quickly
gotta respond to this
good morning darling text
next work five and  half hours
running on 80 mg of battery power
I’m always dragging my tail