7:34 AM and I still love you
Last June, I loved you
Five years later, I'll still love you
& that my dear, is my problem

Love is that fine line
between heaven and hell,
took me to heaven
and now it keeps
dragging me down to hell.

No matter how my day goes, I find myself ending up here.
It's past midnight and I'm sleepless like every other night.
No matter where I go, I find myself looking for you in every word and every sad song.
It's terrifying, how you managed to consume every single thought in my mind and made it all about you.
No matter how hard I try, I find myself running through the old scars you've left on me.
It's 3 AM and all I think of is the way you used to run your fingers through my hair, the way you took my breath away each time you looked at me and how you were both my heaven and hell.
No matter where I leave to, I find myself back at the same place you've left me and with the same ghosts that haunt me.

He yelled sober thoughts when he drank.
Inked honest words when he wrote.
And if I had one wish,
I'd bring Bukowski back!

Love yourself,
cherish your self-worth,
& most importantly
forgive.
Forgive for yourself
& not for anyone else,
because nothing
will haunt your existence
like the memory
of a wound that didn't mend.

The creative soul
never rests, as it
keeps longing
to create.

I always find myself,
falling back into your arms
No matter how far,
I ride away from you
I'll always find myself,
back on you
Breathless is how,
you leave me every time
The Angels look down to us,
each time we shine

When it comes to pain
she never fought it
she embraced it
then wrote it away
in a poetic way

When I tell you that I miss you, you should know that I'm lying. I don't miss you, I miss the shivers I used to get every time you touched me I miss the way you used to hold my hand and play with my hair but I don't miss you. I miss your drunken calls at 3 AM in the morning telling me that you've had it with the life and me I miss how I drove you out of you mind and back to your senses every time I'd gaze into your eyes. I miss how you would drop everything every time I asked you to come over I miss how you made your whole world revolve around me but I don't miss you. I miss the late nights of ***** and cigarettes by the beach and how we used lay there just like little children so innocently till the sun rises. I miss the feeling you used to give me I miss how you made my heart beat out of my chest I miss every single little detail of what we had but hell, I don't miss you.

When you try to find the one
You end up with nothing but pain
and absolute agony with a hint of despair
You end up trying to change yourself for
someone you're not sure exists
You try and try and try
To be perfect, the perfect match
The perfect piece to that glorious pair
You try, but somehow you find yourself
failing, falling in misery and an anguish
you cannot bear

Great things
always end
in catastrophe.
Like the war
depression
love
& us.

No, you're not the one who completes my sentences nor the one who reads my mind.
You're never there when I need you the most and you never listen to the words I say.
You're loud and obnoxious, but your noises are much like music to my ears.
You're not the one I would die for, but you're the one I want spend the rest of my life with.
You're not the one who would fight for me, but you're the one I would fight for with every bit of my restless soul.
You're not the one who completes me, but you're the one who makes me feel whole.
You're the one I would tell my darkest secrets and worst stories to.
You're the one I would want to have next to me in this unknown journey of life.
You're not the one, but you're everything I've ever wanted.
You're the one I want.
You're the one I need.
You were always the one, but you never noticed, you never knew.

I'm tired of waiting
but I'm still hesitating
The silence is invading
and I'm somehow fading

Lonely people,
pop a bottle,
raise some glasses
and **** this night up

Lonely people,
wipe your tears,
face your fears
and **** this night up

I don't need a hero
In this story I will be
My own savior and you
Won't be my conqueror
I don't need to be saved
I need to be left in my solitude
With my thoughts & perceptions
I don't need you
I need me

Move me
like a river
that moves the branches
of an enormous tree into
the deepest zones of the sea

I came to forget, but all I've got is regret.

You stumble along the road
And suddenly feel so lost
People are not same no more
Faces ain't so familiar anymore
Memories faded to the floor
And you,
Your mind and soul
With the wind
Are gone

Circumstances, time and people
they change
Feelings will fade
Love will stray  
Everything is ruled by change, but you
you're here stuck with a broken
clock, no more tick tock
a broken heart that
won't beat no more
and a broken soul that haunts
you till your sanity is no longer whole.

I look at you and see everything I've ever been
everything I've hated in myself and loved in you
everything I wanted to change and everything
that made me fall deeply and recklessly for you
fall for how imperfectly perfect you really are
lost and confused not knowing where to go in life
I see the pain hidden behind that breathtaking smile
the agony of being alone with the people you love
the agony of having no where and no one to belong to
no one to relate to, no one who could understand this
madness, fury and rage that makes you want to leave
just let go and leave it all behind and start over
somewhere new with someone new but it's sad
that you can't ******* pack up, just leave and let it go
the people you loved the places you've known
the pain that's stuck on your heart and soul
I look at you and see myself through those eyes
see my pain my anger and my hidden flaws
I see you and see in you everything that I've ever been

2012 taught us to be strong
In 2012
We fell,
stumbled
and made mistakes
In 2012
We went wrong,
forgave
and forgot  
In 2012
Things changed,
We went through pain
And we survived it all
In 2012
We fell in love,
got hurt
and had broken hearts
In 2012
The masks fell,
True friends stayed
And the fake ones left
In 2012
We went crazy,
almost lost it all
and got back on track
In 2012
We outgrew ourselves,
our mistakes
and our reality
In 2012
We learned that true happiness doesn't need a penny,
love don't cost a thing
and peace is what we truly need
2012 was supposed to be the end but it was only the beginning  
Farewell to an unforgettable year
And hello to a year that we'll make the best of
Happy 2013 everyone

2:00 AM in the morning thinking
of you and what you might be doing
remembering the way you stare at me
and smile remembering the way you
mistakenly touch my hand and look
away the way you play with my hair
teasing me coming so close but you
end up leaving me yearning for your
love but you're never pleasing me

2:15 I stand and stare at the mirror
I look at myself and try to reconsider
every step I took trying to get near
every move I did to make it so clear
that all I want is you but I hide the fear
of losing a friend and a potential lover
all this pain I have I just need to cover  
but every time I try all I get is an ERROR

2:30 I take out an ice blue ****
**** it I tried to be **** strong
but everything I do turns out wrong
and I know this pain will take too long
to fade away so I keep singing this song

I once bumped into an old friend
we sat there and talked about how life
drove us into madness and left us with pain
I asked him furiously, why don't we get
the joy instead of pain and the vain?
the pleasure and euphoria of *******?
the endless love of being absolutely insane?
my friend looked at me and laughed
hysterically, I recall then said to me
my dearest, we're ******* writers
we don't get the joy nor the pleasure
in our existence we get that in our
words, poems and prose but in reality
we can only dream of that never ending phase

I look into your eyes and see an immense love
A love I can't take anymore
A love that breaks my heart in bones
A love that is not right for me
A love I do not deserve
And a love,
a love that can fill the valleys with flowing rain

You see the thing is
words were my thing
since I was a little girl
I loved writing poetry
and stories that might
never come true but
with you I can't say
a single thing without
choking on my own
words while my breath
is taken by the beauty
of your eyes

When you lose a lover
or a dear friend
you might
get them back
but they'll never
be the same
ever again

She gave him the world, her world
But it wasn't enough, nothing was ever enough

You left me
scattered like cigarettes ashes
and shattered like broken glasses

Oh,
no dear,
I won't **** you with knives and swords.
But darling beware,
I'll rip your heart out with my poetry and prose.

To the person
who takes my breath away
every time I set my eyes on,

I
cannot  
take
this
anymore

Would you perhaps give me the honor of,
being my everything?

Forever wanna-be yours

You see the thing is
I don't wanna spend everynight remeniscing about the way you used to look into my eyes,
regretting every single moment we had under the shining stars
and tearing myself apart for a memory that strayed in the dark.
Your laugh that brings endless joy to every bit of my broken soul,
that smile that drives my wrecked heart insanely wild
and the way you stare right through my heart seeing it beat right out of my chest, beating with love
Your love,
Our love,
The love we've never shared but somehow had,
Never expressed but felt every time you mistakenly touch my hand.

I can't write anymore
I can't write because
all I think of is you
and all I want is you
I can't think of anything
but you and your eyes
and that smile that takes
my breath away and that
laugh that brings me joy
and the way you fool
around I can't *******
write because every time
I try to write I end up
writing about you and
you and nothing but
you and I can't do this
anymore I need to write
but I need you even more