Do you love me?*

Which answer would you like, the truth or the lie?

The sun would not shine upon us
But the cold of my hands was met
With the warmth of his embrace

I thought you were asleep,
He said as he played with my fingers
Little did he know that I was thinking
Somehow he found me and I am safe

He is a dream and I am his lullaby
I do not know if it was him or me
That fell deeper with each song
But this is my goodnight to him

I would leave in the morning
And you would follow me a while later
We would keep quiet to keep it a secret
No one needs to know about you and I
And we would take the train
Going to someplace you love
On the train, our fingers found their way
Into each other amidst the crowd

Do you listen to my songs
And hope that one day
I will sing your body electric?

Do you listen to my songs
And imagine my voice
Saying your name again and again?

Do you listen to my songs
Because my soul speaks to yours
Or am I just another one-hit wonder?

All the world's a stage
And tonight is your big night
So make me a part of your show
I will give you my best performance
Oh, darling, how you will be proud of me
Your little harlot-minded ingénue

Gentle souls have their own way
Of recognizing each other's existence
Under the burning, unforgiving sun
Expect none from him and you may find
A thousand wonders and surprises
He is not a poet and neither are you
But none of it matters, truly
For yours is the only song he wants to sing

Sweet, gentle soul
Be not worried
Storms come and go
Journeys have their ends
What you seek
May not be seen now
But what is loved
May never be lost
For the steps you take
Will take you to
Exactly where you need to be

To trace the lines of your smile
And feel your skin against mine
It may have only been a while
But everything about you feels right

Perhaps I had seen you somewhere
And The Universe has a plan
Of uniting us at the intersection
Between what is past and what is to come

So let me fall into your embrace
I will admit that this terrifies me
But gently hold me close, my love
And I promise I will never let go

Watch me
As I spin
And turn
Your heart
Against those
Who love you
The most

You will always rise
Fall you may, once in a while
The ground is cold and hard
So is the heart of the mountain
Unyielding but a home to thousands
Is not your heart the same, love?
How many have you kept within yours?
Have you not given them strength?
Your tears are not the ocean
But your spirit is
Come back to where you belong
The world and its circus
This is your playground, your stage
Put on your show and take a bow
All you need to do is rise

Hand in hand into the sunrise
In laughter we make our way
Into your atmosphere and my air
We are bound by each other's presence
Your voice echoing inside my head
My songs playing in your ears
When the sun goes down
We fly back to our nests
Soundly asleep and only half awake
We are one, and yet we are all alone
For it is another's name we whisper into the night

I never knew
How badly I wanted
To be seen as beautiful
By someone
Until you told me
That I am beautiful
With your embarrassed smile
And hopeful eyes

I don't want you to fix me
And I don't need you to tell me I'm worthy
I know that some things aren't meant to be
I'll have my own drink when I'm thirsty

You don't need to say you're sorry
When we know the fault is mine
You could ask me for a helping hand
I don't mind to give an effort to it

If you think I'm all about that glam and glitter
I think you're mistaking me for someone else
It's fun and mesmerizing but it's not everything
You know I just want you to love me enough

I don't want you to love me more than yourself
'Cause you know love's about loving you too
I don't need to be in control all the time
So long as I know you love me and it's enough

Hold me when I'm breaking but that is all
Stay when I'm feeling low but let me rise again
I don't want you to fix me like I'm broken
'Cause I'm whole enough for myself

So let me be who I need to be
I'll fix myself with you by my side
I don't ask you for anything else
I just need you to love me enough

The cleverest game in life
Is where you know not
Who the winner is
Nor who lost everything

I could sing you a love song
About the way you say my name
Or the day you told me everything
I never knew I needed to know

There is no fun in that, though
So run your mouth all over me
Till we get lost in each other's rhythm
We have until dawn to work it out

All it takes
Is a look from you
To undo all the hard work
That I have carefully built

I'd tell you every little thing I want you to do to me.
But it wouldn't be fun, no?
Let's see if you can hear it through my songs.
I bet you want to know all the ways I can sing through the weekend.
Nights, days, in bed, after coffee, everything and everywhere.

My depression has to stop. Temporarily, at least. For the past two days, at the peak of my depression and hopelessness, I have become incredibly stupid. I have not been using my common sense and I have been constantly forgetful and stupid.

I am used to feeling sad and crying; I am not used to being stupid.

If my depression has made me unable to function as a proper human being, that means this has to stop. I haven't been acting and feeling like the me that I know. I may not be the most intelligent, bright person in the world but I have never been the stupid one.

I have to stop this depression. I really have to. I have to go out and kick some *** and become a rational person again. I am sick and disgusted of my own stupidity.

This boy is special
If only you would show him
All the wonders you have ever seen
This boy is special
If only you would look at him
The way you are supposed to look at him
This boy is special
If only you knew the man that he'd become
And if only you knew
What you know now

Never thought I'd be that kind of girl but baby, you deserve everything: the good, the bad, and all the ***** laundry.

Waste the rest of your youth with me
Let's pretend we know the ways of the world
We can forget where your money is from
And act as if we were the cool kids

Spend the rest of your life with me
Let me fall asleep with your arms around me
I will do what I can to give you serenity
And you can find your home with me

If you find yourself looking for someone
To take you away from your troubles
And make you feel eternal bliss
Then here is a good warning sign above me
I am trouble in the form of an ingénue
My pink plaid shirt caught your attention, I see
What about my baby big eyes looking at you?
"I am your true love, sad and forlorn without you"
There is only me in this world who can make the boys feel like that
What do you want to say about me, baby?
A smart and pretty girl with sad eyes who longs for true love?
You bet that is what I am
And that is who I am
The question is, can you handle the nightmare that I am?
When my cherry pie gets dry and worn-out
I bet you will be the first to call it quits
I know, right?
What a deceptive-looking horror of a girl

She goes to parties
All dressed up
With her lipstick on

There she is
All smiles and laughter
Saying hello to the boys
And giggling with the girls

One kiss, one look
And off she goes
To wherever the night
Will take her

She turns the keys
And takes off her shoes
On the mattress she lies
Her mascara no longer a lie

Save me
From drowning
In a sea
Of the unknown

All the world's a stage
And I am your entertainment
Tell me the kind of show you want tonight
I will give you my best performance
No need to ask for encore at the end
This medley of mine will keep you alive
Nobody does it better the way I do
I will win your award
You will give me my reward
Let the curtains close
And set your wonders free

I thought love would be tall, dark, and handsome
I thought he would wear glasses and read Sherlock Holmes
I thought he would be listening to alternative music
I thought he would wear blue Vans and play the acoustic guitar
I thought he would be driving a black sedan in the afternoon
I thought he would have the gentlest fingers

Instead, love is tall, dark, and rugged
Love wears glasses from the 90s and reads politics
Love listens to songs I had laughed at and to songs I keep close to my heart
Love owns no Vans but has plenty of worn-out faded jeans
Love rides a motorcycle and, more often than not, the public train
Love's fingers are stuffy, if that is even an accurate term

But love has a gentle heart
He speaks no sweet words but his songs are poetry
He is patient and unyielding and stubborn at times
He is funny and crude and full of life
He lives and writes his existence into my being

But love only comes to me with no intention to stay
Love passes me by without meaning to
Love gives me the chance to love, though perhaps he cannot see me as love
Love had looked me in the eyes years ago, but only now did he truly come to my life
Love came to me when I was ready to welcome him
Love arrived when my heart was full of life for him
And now, love leaves when my heart understands
Love departs with a piece of me that I have given him, willingly and wholeheartedly
Love, too, is finding his own way to let go of love
One fine day, you will find her and I will find you

Easy rider, steady yourself
If you drive too fast
You may catch the changing storms

Have a cigarette or two
If you are cunning enough
You may slay the beasts of tomorrow

I welcome you to the new age
Where the angels carry razors
And the demons scream for help

The worst thing is knowing that being loved by someone does not necessarily make you feel you are enough.

He loves me and yet I keep on doubting everything, believing that I will always be the one who loves more, who asks for something she barely deserves, who is not supposed to want more.

How do I make myself believe that I am, in fact, already more than enough? Only time will reveal the answer to me.

Keep your eyes on me, my love
The way I always find you in the crowded room
I have come to know the way you love someone
And you have seen what breaks me apart
It is only natural that your fingers reach for mine
While my words become your safety blanket
Have you not found me waiting for you all along?
Have I not found my strength in your arms?

What you want is a broken girl
Whose scattered pieces you want to reassemble
So here's my task for you
Let's see if you can collect the shards
Without getting cut and bleeding here and there

It's funny how three weeks of not seeing him could change a lot of things. Three weeks of me focusing on other things, being with other people, seeking other opportunities. Three weeks of losing him to life.

I saw him, finally, after three weeks. He was truly someone I remember him to be. He had his passion and vision and charisma. He did what he loved. I had done whatever possible to be distracted.

I saw a side of him I had chosen to overlook for the past few months. One of the biggest reasons I knew I did not want to be with him, long before I even truly fell in love with the man that he is. His passion was like fire, burning through his veins and igniting the flames within me. His fire not only gives life but also burns too deep. One day the flames he put inside me will be the cause of my sorrow and resentment. Would I want that? No.

My love, you are loved and cherished, make no mistake. But just as you who decided to let go, I am now closer to letting go as well. You're about to lose me and I know that's exactly what you want and what I need.

Sing her body electric
Write her love letters
Take her downtown
Bring her fresh flowers
Ride her to the seaside

Keep her awake all night long
Watch as the stars turn into her eyes
The sound of her breath growing dim
Her words, disheveled and unruly, all yours

Fall asleep next to her
Better yet, let her dream in your arms
She is the one you have chosen
So why are your fingers reaching for mine
Every night in your dreams?

Do souls recognize each other
And yearn for kisses
The way our hearts do?

The day is done
And the time has come
So there we are
At my place
Just a little messed up
Your laughter fills the room
While I lazily lie
Over pillows and blankets
All of a sudden
You lean close to me
And kiss me once
We laugh at ourselves
Because we know
What kisses mean
We are past
The sweet words stage

Come away with me
I know places
Where you can be
Who you want to be
Without having to worry
About anyone knowing
Who you truly are
There is only you
For me
And there is only me
For you

This is not a poem.

I am simply thinking of the kind of woman I am. I think of the future that I want. I think of the children I hopefully will have with my husband someday. I think of the kind of mother I want to be, the kind of mother that I could be.

I will not be a perfect mother; I will have flaws and there will be an aspect of my child's upbringing that I will not handle perfectly. That is inevitable and I have accepted it. However, I think of the values that I want my child to have in his/her life. I desperately pray that I will be able to treat my child according to their age. I do not want to treat my 20-year-old, who is supposed to have some sense of responsibility and understanding, as if he/she is a 15-year-old who still needs to be guided step-by-step.

I pray that I can force my children to not marry and have their own children before they have an understanding of their own selves. I pray that somehow, I can make my children understand the consequences of their actions and independence. I pray that my children, too, can act according to their ages.

And I pray the father of my children can complement me.

Since 2016 is about to end, I would like to say some things that otherwise I would never have said in real life to you. After all, we are two people who know each other but would never be in each other's world.

I am grateful and thankful. I loved you, genuinely. It wasn't the best of times in my life but I am glad I loved you, even with all the unexpected twists and turns. I am thankful because now I know I could love someone just as he is. With or without all the floss and glitter, I had loved you, the boy in the blue shirt, the man in the worn-out T-shirt.

And now, I do not.

Has she had a taste
Of your bloodstained lies?
Does she keep herself
Fresh-kissed and ready for you?
Is she a magical creature
With eyes and heart full of wonder?
My darling, I am sorry to tell you
But she is nothing more
Than a calm before the storm

Wounded birds
And broken angels
Are your favorite lovers
But my dear,
We are not objects
To be fixed

I desire you, all that you are, all that you can be, and all that you are not.

It is one thing for you
To take away my pride
But do you not know
What a horrific crime it is
To take away my words?

Stars are beautiful to look at
But the ones within our reach
Are trees and flowers
That give life to our souls
Far better from any dream
Is one you can touch and kiss
With fingers that fit yours

I cannot write anything at all.

Eyes glimmering between the haze
Your name on the tip of my tongue
The crowds cheering out for you
As if the world, for a moment, is all yours
The man of the hour under the moonlight
One look at you and I know
That this is it, this is enough

I want to lay my head on your chest
As you sing to me something from your childhood
In each other's company our souls are bare
Your heart accustomed to the rhythm of mine
And your fingers messing up everything that I am
We are a dance of our own making
In sync while the world goes out of tune
Only you and me into the oblivion

Dear God,

Let me keep this moment forever. Please.

If only you knew
That I say your name
Over and over again
Because I want you
To be my safe haven

Someday is but another day to come
He has seen enough of the world
To become the man of the hour
Have you found your muse, love?
The night falls when the ghosts arrive
Slowly but ever so surely
Your fingers, entwined with mine
Your laughter, in sync with my songs
Well-played and well-versed
For the eyes we are strangers to
And your face, my love
Holds the promise of something new
Someday is only another day to come

She sings for love and excitement
Adventures and truth-or-dares
They are her playthings for the weekend
To see her is to watch a burning star

She will tell you her deepest secrets
Perhaps an hour after the happy hour
In her company you will finally understand
How to be bright and dark at the same time

For, after all, she is the moon

Your joys and sorrows are yours to keep for now
One day they will be half of another's heart
The way she calls for the moon will be your favorite song
A thousand words will not suffice to describe her
She holds the answers and unleashes a thousand wonders
The sun will rise when she opens her eyes
Gravity is she and your fingers will find their way
Everything that you are will be her greatest desire
Until the time comes, however, allow me to send you my kisses